hubby and i cant see eye to eye.. advise please!

[cutiepiecakes]

Hello Ladies,

Its been a while since i have have posted anything but i needed to vent to some one who would understand...lol

so here is the situation.

my hubby and i had our 1st baby we have been together for 6 years and married for a year and a half. my son is now 10 months old and it seems like me and my hubby have been arguing so much and I just dont know what to do and it seems like its the same argument all the time and nothing is getting solved.

The issue is my hubby does very little to help and it drives me crazy and what he does do he is always asking for assistance and by time i finished helping him i could have just done it myselft.

i work full time just like my hubby but he seems to think that what he does is enough. he gets off at 4:30 and is home by 5:10 or so after he picks up the baby. i get off at 5 and get home about 5:30. when i get home this is a typical night:

 

1.  hes looking at me like whats for dinner and he hands me the baby sometimes before i even get my coat off like oh he needs a new diaper. and im looking at him like why cant you start dinner ? youve been home for like 20 mins already and why cant you change the babies diaper? so he will go in the room with the baby and yell for me to bring him a diaper and the wipes so he can change the baby ( if im doing all that i might as well change the baby myself) then he will change the baby and leave the dirty diaper and wipes on the floor or changing table instead of throwing it away

 

 2. then I will start dinner and I will ask hubby to feed the baby while I make our dinner. he will open a baby jar and feed the baby one spoonful and if the baby doesnt want it he will say of he doesnt want it he doesnt like when i feed him you have to do it. so now im jugling cooking our dinner and trying to give the baby dinner

3. we eat dinner and i feed the baby and now its bath time. my hubby will usually give the baby his bath but he always forgets the stuff and is yelling for me to bring him a washcloth, towel, soap, shampoo etc. then he will say can i hold the baby while he washes him up and can i wash his hair because he is not good at that part. by the time bath time is over i helped out  so much i could have just given the baby a bath muself quicker.

4.then when i go to take my shower my hubby is yelling for me to hurry up and get out the shower because the baby is cranky and wants to be nursed and im like you can make him a bottle if he is screaming the baby is not exclusively breast feed and he has no problem taking a bottle.

5. now i have a spare bed and tv in my sons room and i will usually lay in there and watch tv while my son plays with his toys until its bedtime because my hubby is watching something different on the tv in our bedroom. and sometimes I will tell my hubby to take the baby until he falls asleep so i can relax a little bit and my hubby will take the baby and bring him back 10 mins later saying he cant control him and he is all over the place.

6. once the baby is sleeping i will usually stay in his room and continue to watch tv for a bit or sometimes i will just fall alseep in his room on the spare bed. every night my son wakes up in the middle of the night to be nursed and if im in his room i will just grab him out of his crib and lay him in the spare bed with me and nurse him until he falls back to sleep. or if i am in the room with hubby we will hear the baby cry and hubby will say oh the baby is crying go check on him. and he says the reason he doesnt get up is because my son wants to be breastfeed so i have to do it... once again my son wakes up because he is hungry he just wants to eat he doesnt care if its bottle or breast so my hubby can get up and make a bottle he just doesnt want to.

7. my son still doesnt sleep through the night and he wakes up every night and needs to be soothed back to sleep. my hubby NEVER gets up with him and im stuck up all night with the baby plus i still have to get up and go to work whil my hubby sleeps peacefully amd gets a good nights sleep.

now this is were the argument starts because my hubby says that he doesnt help with the baby at night because he is not a night person and the baby wants me to nurse him and im the only one who can comfort him. i keep telling him that the baby will take a bottle just fine and he has no preference between me and my hubby. and im not a night person either and i dont think its fair that i stay up with the baby every night with little sleep.

then my hubby gets mad at me for sleeping in the room with the baby and he says i should be in the room with him and giving him attention and affection and since I decided to start sleeping in the room with the baby then its MY responsibility to stay up with him because my son got used to me being in the room with him! and I tell my hubby me sleeping in the room with him doesnt have anything to do with it and I sleep in there because its easier to get up at night since he wont get up to help. 

and how can he say of he need attention and effection too when he does nothing to help with the babyto make my work load lighter so I can have the energy to spend time with him when the baby goes to sleep. most nights once the baby goes to sleep i go to sleep too because im so tired and i know the baby will be waking up soon.  the last thing on my mind is cuddling up with hubby and having alone time with him.

**we cant seem to see eye to eye on this subject at all. he thinks i smoother the baby too much and spend too much time with the baby and not enough time being a wife and giving him his hubby/wife affection time

I dont disagree that we need to spend more hubby/wife time together but my issue is  he doesnt do enough to help with the baby so there will be more time for hubby/wife time once the baby gos to sleep and he doesnt do his part to help with the baby in the middle of the night when it is most needed.

does anyone have any advice on this situation or is anyone going through this with their spouse, its like we are stuck in a parenting runt where everything revolves around the baby and we need to find a way to get out of our funk and back to being hubby and wife and taking time to be with each other as well.

HELP PLEASE!!!!!

[Jemia]

Sorry don't really have any advice for you but here's a bump.

[Amy614]

I know that caring for a new baby takes up a lot of time, and you might not have time for reading, but the book  Babyproofing Your Marrige  thier might be useful for you and your hubby.  Men don't see things  the same way that we do, or realize how much them not helping out more affects us moms.  I have two kids, and work full time, DH is a student and employed part time.   But even when he isn't having classes,  I am  still expected to do my half and then some.  And he sits there playing video games, or going over to a friend's house to hang out, or something.  Jeff Foxworthy said something in one of his stand up routines about how a man is way more excited about getting his 10% of the house work done than a woman is about doing her 90%.  He goes on to say that a woman can be outside paving the driveway, and the husband will come out and say something like, "Hey, Honey, you don't have to worry about that ashtray in the den anymore; I got it for you!"  And he is so right!  My DH is so proud of himself for doing the dishes... yesterday... that he doesn't get why it bugs me that he hasn't done them today, or emptied the garbage, or taken out the cat box... etc.

My other best advice is to try to find someone to take the baby and some time to talk to eachother, or to someone else, like a counselor.  Communication is key, and it sounds like you are having the same trouble that DH and I are, with talking past eachother instead of to eachother.