Fragile X, need help

[HeartsLove]

I did a search for Fragile X, and this is the only group that came up. So, out of desparation, I joined and am posting.

I take care of an adult man with Fragile X. I stay with him and cook his meals and take care of his diabetes during the day while his parents are at work. I used to work with his mom, and when my job ended she asked if I wanted to work for her. I've only been doing this for about 2 months. He's not the problem, I enjoy working with him. It's his brother. He's also an adult with Fragile X. They're like night and day, complete opposites. My guy is pretty reserved, he talks to me and stuff but when we're at home he spends time alone in his room. His brother is very talkitive, has a job, cracks jokes etc. He's also aggressive. I bring my kids with me to save on daycare costs. I just can't afford it anymore and my kids have certain needs also which scare away personal babysitters. Well the brother doesn't respect my kids' boundaries, they don't wanna be touched and he wants to hold them and kiss them. I've explained and explained it to him, and he knows it he just doesn't respect it. He's also very loud and that makes my kids jumpy. He also makes inappropriate comments to the kids, about spankings, about coming up to his room, about their underwear, etc. I wish there was, but there's just no way to have anyone else watch them right now.

Well now it's gone beyond the issues with the kids. Last week he randomly called my 22mo son a bitch. I'm not payed to watch the brother, but he is there for a couple of hours in the morning, and a couple of hours in the afternoon. His dad picks him up for work and drops him back off. So even tho I don't watch him, he's around. So about 20 mins later his dad comes to get him, and asked how it was going. I need to mention here that they've always been very antsy, IMO, about the brother. ALWAYS asking how he is, how it's going, if we're ok, etc. It started making me nervous, like they weren't telling me something. And when this happened, I felt like they knew he got like this and didn't mention it to me, and when they confirmed my suspicion I got angry. Anyway, when he asked how it was going the brother immediately said "we're good" and I said "Actually, we're not. He just called my son a bitch, and I don't know why". Well, he got angry, the brother did. Very angry. He got aggressive and started yelling and calling names, and scared the shit out of my kids. The dad didn't do anything. He actually made me feel like he was mad at me for mentioning it. He said "that's just his Fragile X, it's just how he is". Well no, you never told me that he got aggressive, especially when you told me I could have my kids here no problem. Well he took him to work, then brought him back and left him alone with us, knowing he was angry with me. He started getting physically aggressive and scaring my kids, so I had to leave. I just walked out.

Later that night I ran into them at Wal-Mart, and the aggression continued while the mom and I were talking. She said they were trying to work something out and that they were going to change my schedule and his so that we didn't come into contact. The mom actually told me this HAS been a pattern with him since preschool (he's about 27 now) and that it means he LIKES me! I don't get that, he's physically aggressive and verbally abusive because he LIKES me?! The dad continues to make me feel like he's angry with ME and like he expects me to just take this behavior. And the dad is the one I usually deal with during the day. So anyway, all this week they didn't do what they said, they didn't change his schedule and have continued to leave him home with us, or ask me to come hours later or leave early, so that I'm not making any money. I'm sorry but this has to pay my bills, I'm not just chipping in for a friend. Now they've told me to just not come in at all tomorrow. And again today, they came home before I had left and he charges down the driveway. I'm rushing my kids into the car cuz I see him coming but my DD is just goofing off and not getting into her carseat. So I couldn't get away, he storms to my car and starts calling me names, I'm fat, I'm a bitch, I'm scared of him etc. Again, the dad doesn't do anything, he actually just smiles at me. No one ever apologizes for him or anything. They don't make him apologize. My kids don't need to hear or see, or experience this. I've had just about enough. I think I need to quit. My kids aren't safe anymore, they're now terrified of him, and I don't feel safe. What would you advise? IS this typical Fragile X? I mention that I worked with the mom in the past, because that makes me feel like I can't just quit. It also makes me feel like they expect me to put up with more than a caretaker who's a stranger would

[Jennifer761]

      I dunno, everyone with autism is a bit different from each other. Fragile x is just the form of autism that they know to be genetic. If they do have autism it may be difficult to change their schedule -though I don't know them so I don't know anything for sure. There is one other group on here just about fragile x, I thought there was a group for moms of aging kids (teens/adults) with autism. Theres lots of groups on here about autism, most moms seem to have young kids so I have no idea if it would be easy to find a mom familiar with adults with frag x/autism. The adults I've taken care of with autism weren't like that at all, they were very reserved -but like I said everyones different and I've only met a few adults with autism so what do I know? I'm sorry I'm not more help.