My son B has autism -very severe & his social ability is extremely affected. (He has such a hard time relating to others)...I prayed & prayed (though once was probably enough, I'm sure many a mom knows how heartbreaking it can be...So many must have been here -where we were). B had no friends. He has seen kids here or there. But he is 8 now & had one friend when he was between 1 & 1/2 to 2 & 1/2 years old....then later after a long time with no friends my prayer was answered. This wonderful little girl, unique in so many ways -became his only & best friend. He would let her put her arm around him, they would sit in the back of the vehicle & hold hands. OMG ...it was beautiful...she had this very unique way of pulling him out of isolation & into a relationship with her. She was amazing, a blessing -truly I've never met a child like her. B appeared to feel ok around her, like it was ok to be himself -he had a friend & he was accepted for who he is, his disability never seemed to enter their relationship....it just did not matter....they were friends. After she entered school, they saw a little less of eachother. Now, her family is supposed to be moving to another state. Even though the date keeps being pushed back I can not selfishly wish they'd stay....We've gotten together a few times to have some final time together before they go (last week we had dinner 2 times @ their house & this week we've tried to have a dinner at our house & go to a parade)....the first 2 times B started off upset by the change, new environment (we went to their house & we usually don't get together there...no reason...we just usually meet elsewhere)...but with a little time he was right at home & the next thing you know she was there with her arm around him. I can't show that picture though -(because a child who is not my own is in the picture & I'd have to ask...though I probably won't. Because it is so personal to me....its probably a little wierd that its such a personal and precious picture to me...I can't explain how I feel, but surely someone knows.)
Unfortunately the last 2 times we tried to meet....turned out badly, we just could not do it -because B has been having a really hard time lately (it did not have anything to do with her or anyone)...& though I shouldn't be, I'm a little heartbroken over it & I wonder if it will even be possible to have one last GOOD moment together for B & his friend M.
I don't know if B will ever have another friend. Classmates are not friends, they are classmates....
I feel your pain, but I think classmates can be friends also. Jaden has a special friend in his class named Candi. She's always hugging him and he wants her with him all the time. He was voted classroom favorite too. My niece's friend has a little boy that is 3. He is always begging to go play with his friend Jaden which is kind of strange beings Jaden didn't really play with him before. Bryson sat on the bed with him and talked while Jaden ignored him and watched Blue's Clues.
I know you're heartbroken that B is losing someone he cares about. I know how it feels and it makes me cry even now. Jaden had a special bond with my grandad. He died Thanksgiving day. The first time we went to the house Jaden ran in and rounded the corner expecting to see his papaw, he searched the whole house looking for him while I just sat and cried. They don't understan and there is not much we can do to help them. I'm sure B will make more friends in time just keep the faith.
Quoting andilaine:
I feel your pain, but I think classmates can be friends also. Jaden has a special friend in his class named Candi. She's always hugging him and he wants her with him all the time. He was voted classroom favorite too. My niece's friend has a little boy that is 3. He is always begging to go play with his friend Jaden which is kind of strange beings Jaden didn't really play with him before. Bryson sat on the bed with him and talked while Jaden ignored him and watched Blue's Clues.
I know you're heartbroken that B is losing someone he cares about. I know how it feels and it makes me cry even now. Jaden had a special bond with my grandad. He died Thanksgiving day. The first time we went to the house Jaden ran in and rounded the corner expecting to see his papaw, he searched the whole house looking for him while I just sat and cried. They don't understan and there is not much we can do to help them. I'm sure B will make more friends in time just keep the faith.
thank you
Hi I'm new to the group, but when I saw your post it made me tear up. My son is 13 and legally blind. He has difficulty with friends outside of school, since he has gotten older it has gotten worse. The boys that he calls his friends are always really nice to him when we see them at after school activities, but no one ever calls him or wants to play. I think part of it is that he can't play sports at the same level with his vision and that he is shy about making new friends.
Anyways, I think this is a problem for a lot of special needs kids. I really wish someone could post the "ANSWER" of how to make this better, but I know that there is no easy answer.
I know it has been a month since you posted but I hope that things have turned out for the best for you and your son.
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How sad. Are there any non-sports groups at school that he could join to make new friends? Maybe they have a group subject that he's interested in, like debating, art, music, etc. It would be easier for him to make friends if he was around kids with the same interest. Just a thought.
Quoting kristi95:
Hi I'm new to the group, but when I saw your post it made me tear up. My son is 13 and legally blind. He has difficulty with friends outside of school, since he has gotten older it has gotten worse. The boys that he calls his friends are always really nice to him when we see them at after school activities, but no one ever calls him or wants to play. I think part of it is that he can't play sports at the same level with his vision and that he is shy about making new friends.
Anyways, I think this is a problem for a lot of special needs kids. I really wish someone could post the "ANSWER" of how to make this better, but I know that there is no easy answer.
I know it has been a month since you posted but I hope that things have turned out for the best for you and your son.
Kristie & Andilaine;
Well, it did happen -B's friend M left & we hadn't had the moment to have our last visit be a good one. To top it off, now that our youngest is getting older -the neighborhood kids who did not relate to B, now want to relate to (play with) his little brother (his little brother J does not have a disability). I don't blame the kids, its hard to be in that position as a kid....it just hurts a little. I homeschool 1/2 days because I want to & because B needs that. He can not handle full time public school, (it overloads his senses...being in a public place for longer than 4 hours in a row without a place to break from all the input has always sent B into meltdown emotionally, the problem is; it doesn't end...in other words if I put him in public school full time he would probably end up in the hospital...that doesn't have anything to do with the school, just autism -in this severity. In his class in particular -they usually save the playground play for afternoons, so B misses out on that -which in my mind goes a long way to building a closer connection with his classmates. Today I ran a bit late & all the kids went out but B could not because I was due to pick him up. As we left, I watched him staring at the other kids playing on the playground...he never broke the stare until they were completely out of sight & my heart broke.
I am tired of this kind of heart ache. So -I have decided to look at my son's situation differently. I've been down -looking up at this overwhelming mountain. I think its time to condescend upon it to assess it.
You were right Andilaine, classmates can be friends. I've seen that before, I guess I've been focusing on fears & the negatives I've seen. & you were right about keeping the faith. The only reason B ever had a real friend is because God answered my prayer, He gave me joy for mourning (all of our efforts were in vain & the little they did produce, His answer was so much better & absolutely perfect). Yet I haven't prayed about it since. Its funny, B & his brother don't really even have a relationship (not one that makes me smile anyway, or shows a real connection).
So, I have some ideas....yet am not sure which way to go yet. (think I'll do some DIR therapy this summer to enhance B's relationship with his brother....Maybe mid year next school year B can do 2 full days again @ public school, B is a great swimmer but needs a life vest to help hold his upper body up...so I don't know about that one...if theres a program for him or we should continue with our routines....Thank God summer is here...I always take B for walks & some of our neighbors go out of their way to greet him (they're not his age, but sometimes real friends aren't.) Real friends are hard to come by -for anyone.
So, I think far above all of my IDEAS -I'm going to pray about it again. M came into his life so naturally, she was around awhile before I trully saw it; when the kid who didn't want strangers touching him, would sit in the back seat holding hands with her. When I saw how naturally they related & how unatural all the relationships we tried to create turned out. I knew there was an answer. I would like to thank you both for reminding me of it & of what I should do now.
Kristie; I am sorry to have made you sad. I agree; I think so many of us are in the same boat. I have no idea if you hold the same Faith as I -or not & I don't intend to be offputting or hurtful in what I've said -in any way. I was just being honest, guess I was so busy in general & so busy being sad -I just didn't think of praying for a new friend for B. It really is the only thing thats ever worked for us, l.o.l. -we actually did try everything else. I hope both of our precious kids are going to take a nice, new turn for the better -in regards to this. B isn't there yet; but thanks to you & Andilaine helping me stop & think a moment -he will be, it will get better.
Thank you both!
-Lee
I can relate in a way due to my daughter has cdc,Congitvie Disorder Disorder, and she is really sentive to what others say. The kids around here are older and younger than her. She does good with other kids at school, so that is a plus. It is hard for her, but she tries to make friends. I would suggest giving it time and hopefully he will make new friends in school.
This post brought me to tears as well,because all I long for is to make sure my James is as social as he can be. At school he doesn't play with the other kids he just walks the perimeter of the playground. Breaks my heart. The other day I almost broke down at the dinner table when he said (regarding his little brother) is Hunter my friend? Hunters my friend,he said. They hugged and I said yes Hunter is you're brother and your friend,then they both said,to each other,I love you. They're brothers so I hope they are always there for each other like this, I can see Hunter sticking up for James,but I don't at the same time want to see him in that role. What I mean is our other goal is for James to be as independent as he can be. They are 15 mos. apart and I am so glad they have each other.
That is great that they are so close together. My boys are 12 yrs apart.
Quoting beckylou26:
This post brought me to tears as well,because all I long for is to make sure my James is as social as he can be. At school he doesn't play with the other kids he just walks the perimeter of the playground. Breaks my heart. The other day I almost broke down at the dinner table when he said (regarding his little brother) is Hunter my friend? Hunters my friend,he said. They hugged and I said yes Hunter is you're brother and your friend,then they both said,to each other,I love you. They're brothers so I hope they are always there for each other like this, I can see Hunter sticking up for James,but I don't at the same time want to see him in that role. What I mean is our other goal is for James to be as independent as he can be. They are 15 mos. apart and I am so glad they have each other.
I would love for my guy to asked to a birthday party that was not family. Asked to go to someones house to play after school. I breaks my heart to see him so hungry for friends and not know how to make them or actually play together with other children.
Lately I have let him take a basketball to school and he has had some really good involvment with other children at recess. This has been neat for him. When I pick him up from school he is so excited because "a kid played with me!"
His primary class comes over to our home sometimes and he loves it. These children don't play with him at school only at our home. So what can a mom do? I would love to see him have friends that actually want to be around him.
I went to Jaden's IEP Meeting yesterday. Our governor is really pushing inclusion and the someone from the special ed office has to be at all the meetings. What they have decided to do with Jaden next school year is: They are going to have a student of the week (every week) in the regular 3rd grade class, that student will get prizes and will be Jaden's buddy for the week. He/she will go to recess, music, and snack time with Jaden. There is another one in the 4th grade they will be doing this with also. This is a very small school and they all know Jaden. They're hoping this will help him socially, he doesn't really like play with other kids.
- Jennifer761
on Mar. 14, 2009 at 7:27 PM