In the m/c book im reading right now it says thats an important step in the healing proccess is to share your story with others and get it out.So i will start by sharing it with this group and then my dh,and hopefully i will find the strength to do so with my family and close friends.I just passed the 1yr anniversary of this loss and am ready to share.
As many of you know i had my tubes tied after the birth of my son in 2008.My AF's following that were irregular,but nothing i couldnt deal with.No more painful or heavy.They regulated themselves once i started to breastfeed my son less.In January of 2010 around the time of my af i only spotted very lightly but thought it was just very light and didnt give it another thought. I had pregnancy symptoms,but they're also the same symptoms i get from pms.
Then 2 wks later i woke up as usual but wasnt feeling too great,i had cramps,they werent too painful,but were more annoying than anything.I went about my day doing laundry and had the kids by myself since my dh was working that saturday.By late morning the cramps were getting worse and were still coming and going.I took a tylenol to ease the pain a bit.
I dont remember the exact time,but i was folding laundry and was hit by an intense cramp that doubled me over in pain.I waited for it to pass after about a minute.And found that i was getting another cramp a few minutes later.They were happening closer together and were more painful.
Then i felt a gush and wen to see what it was,thinking maybe i was having another period because the last one was so light.I discovered i had passed a pretty good size clot,and was shocked and scared.I had never had that happen other than with my only prior m/c. But i didnt see any gray/white material so i wasnt too sure.
I finished cleaning up and as i got up i felt another strong cramp and passed a small gray thing.Thats when i suspected m/c. I was so scared and didnt know what to do.I didnt want to go to the er as i wasnt bleeding heavily,what could they do for me? So i just decided to wait until my already shceduled annual exam/pap.At which time i would bring it up to the dr.
I was only spotting slightly which i wasnt expecting,since my last m/c was heavy and painful.A few days later i talked to my dr about what i had experienced and she said it soudned like a m/c but she wasnt sure.She did a urine test and it was -,and my cervix was slightly open.So she said she couldnt confirm or rule out m/c,but couldnt give any other explanation for what happened.
I was sent home with so many questions,and none of which she could answer.And told if it happened again to save and bring in what i pass.
I told dh about it,and he just said sorry and went ahead making his plans for his superbowl party in a few days.And alos getting ready to go on his annual camping trip.He told me he was sorry but he didnt feel anything,not sad or upset ,just nothing.So i felt alone in it all.
We treated it as if it was a m/c and were careful and worried about it happening again.After about 5 mo and nothing happening we let our guard down and decided it was a one time incident.It was a very hard time for me emotionally as it stirred up emotions of our first loss.I also felt so alone because we didnt tell family or friends i had no one to turn to,and my dh wasnt at all supportive.I think im in a much better place now,1yr later,but i still feel i have some things to work through.I will now post a different post for our next angel Joseph.
Adorable Boy-Girl Moment, or Too Close for Comfort?
Miscarraige...one year later
- Txmommy13
on Feb. 8, 2011 at 12:35 PM