Like i said in my previous post a big step in the healing process is tellng the story.I told the story of our angel Xander and now i will do the same for our angel Joseph.
After about 4/5 mo of nothig happening,no other pregnancies,we decided that our loss in January was a one time accident and wouldnt happen again.In July around the time my period was due i felt sort of off.I was a little late and had pms symptoms but they were a little stronger than usual,which i attributed to the late af.The cramping was different than my "normal" usual AF's.Right away i suspected something wasnt right,and decided to give it a few days to see what would happen.The bleeding was severe as wast the cramping and clots.So i called the dr to see if i needed to come in and be seen,maybe this time i would get some answers or "proof" since she could see what was happening first hand.But suprisingly all she said was that i could test but at about 5wks it was too early and i would probably get a - result especialy if i was already in the process of m/c. So no i didnt need to go in or do anything. I was expecting it to be fast and not more than a heavy period since it was so early. Well after bleeding for about 5 days i passed what im guessing was the baby and sac,Almost immediatly the cramping was lessend and the bleeding slowed a bit.I also had another strange feeling.I immediately felt empty or hollow.It was like i had just lost 5lbs from my stomach.IT was the worst feeling.I bled for a while longer and then it just stopped one day.
About a week or so went by.Im not exactly sure the time frame for this part.But i was still cramping and not feeling well.Sort of like i had the flu.I had no energy,a fever and was still very tender and in some pain.I felt so drained i coudlnt do anything.So i went back to the dr who did an exam and said she could feel somethng but wasnt sure what exactly it was.And basically sent me home saying she had no answers and didnt know what was wrong with me.She ordered an u/s but it had to be paid in full upfront and without insurance i couldnt afford it at the time,not without at least some sort of payment plan.So i endured this for another week or so until i started my AF and it was just as bad as the m/c itself.It was so heavy and painful.
THis experience was so much different than with our loss in January.My dh was so supportive,he let me cry and talk to him.He would call/txt to check on me during the day.he was really great and my support that got me through this rough time,as it took a lot longer to get over physically.And i couldnt even start to heal emotionally until i had healed physically.
Well i just finished Angel in my Heart by Kathleen Olowin.And now im almost done with A Silent Love by Adrienne Ryan. And im also reading Miscarriage women sharing from the heart,ive already read it but am going through it again because when i first fread it had been quite some time since my m/c and alot of it made sense but i re read it because it helped me more in the days right after our last loss,and is helping to get through my feelings.
Quoting lasombrs:
i am so sorry. *hugs* what book are you reading?
Miscarraige...one year later
- Txmommy13
on Feb. 8, 2011 at 12:52 PM