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1st Miscarriage, not sure how to feel...

Posted by on Feb. 11, 2011 at 10:09 PM
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Hi Ladies,

So, I'm sorry if I am venting, but I will share my story.  I have a beautiful little son who is 14 months old.  We decided to try for a sibling and were lucky to get pregnant the first month.  At 8 weeks we had an ultrasound and saw a little bean with a strong heartbeat.  That put my mind at ease.  I was measuring 7w5d.  Then today (at 12w5d) I went in for a routine appt.  They couldn't find a heartbeat with the dopler, so they immediately did an ultrasound.  As soon as I saw the ultrasound, I knew something was wrong.  It didn't look large enough and there was obviously no heartbeat.  The dr. measured and it was only 8w0d.  I haven't had any unusual cramping or bleeding.  I had been feeling worried about miscarriage this entire time, but I thought it was just me being paranoid.  So, I am scheduled for a D&C on Tuesday.  What a horrible thought... but my doctor is worried about hemorrhage.  

I had tried to prepare myself for this just in case, but it still hurts!  It's horrible to un-announce it to everyone.  I had been so excited for the timing of the pregnancy.  I want my children to be close in age.  It's hard to greive the baby while also greiving the fact that all our plans are going to be different.  I have a strong faith in God and I know he has a plan for me.  I trust him completely, but it is still hard.  

I just wish I would have done my first ultrasound a few days later, since the baby seems to have passed days after my first ultrasound.  What an awful feeling.

I would love some advice on coping and moving on.  I would love advice on how to prepare for the d&c.  Thanks all.

by on Feb. 11, 2011 at 10:09 PM
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Replies (1-10):
kayteebug93
by on Feb. 12, 2011 at 12:37 AM
First of all I'm So sorry for Your loss.

I've been there as well.. .my first pregnancy I went in at 6w 5d for an Us. Saw a heart beat and assumed everything was okay. I started telling people at 10 weeks because school was letting out for summer. And I'm a teacher... well I had a tiny bit of pink on the toilet paper So I called my dr. He got Me in For an us immediately and they couldn't find a heartbeat. The baby measured 7w2 days...so I experienced the same... an us and then only a few days later the baby had passed.

It was tough unannouncing it.. I just sent out a Mass text and left it at that. I had to Have a dnc too. It was Good For me.. closure.

I'm Hoping You'll get pregnant as soon as Your physically and emotionally ready. I just got pregnant in December Since miscarrying in June.. Its been a rough 6 months. But I had faith in God and believe in the power of prayer and I Have truly been blessed.

P.s. Vent away! Its okay to be sad and mad and anything else..
For Some reason I felt embarrassed. Like I was a failure ... idk. Hard to explain your emotions but I do know You shouldn't be holding them in

Hang in there. The pain never goes away but it does get easier to deal with.
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lasombrs
by Group Owner on Feb. 12, 2011 at 7:19 AM

I am so sorry for your loss. I had others before my son but had gotten pregnant when he ws 6 months old because we wanted ours close together as well and lost him at 12 weeks too. It was a much harder loss for me to over come then my first two. Partly because after my son I understoof more what I was losing, and like you mentioned, you are also grieving the loss of your plans. It takes time to get through it. Sometimes a long time! ITs not a quick process and you have to approach each day and deal with the emotions you have. You be angry, sad, feel you did something even though you didn't etc. You just can't ignore it and bottle it up. Don't let others tell you that you should be over it by now etc. Take your time. I have never had a d&c so I can't help with that part. We have an information forum that has a little about the procedure in it. We got pregnant again on what should have been my angel's due date and I feel that we have her back with us now.

StrollerStrider
by on Feb. 12, 2011 at 7:35 AM

Unfortunately, I can relate all too well.  I've had four D&C's... three before my oldest son, and one after him.

The D&C is a relatively easy procedure, physically.  You'll check in, they'll draw some blood, and give you general anesthetic.  The procedure itself is only about 20 minutes long.  Once you wake up, they'll just want to make sure you can pee before they let you leave.  You'll have some cramping for a day or two, and you'll bleed for a couple weeks, but you can resume regular daily activities as soon as you feel up to it (usually a day or two).  It's suggested that you wait two to three full menstral cycles before trying again... this will give your uterus time to heal and rebuild a safe place for the next baby to live, and also give your body time to get back into a rhythm and let you ovulate again.

As far as moving on, all you can do is take it a moment at a time... and some moments will be tougher than others.  Lots of deep breaths, lots of quiet time spent praying for peace and comfort and strength, and some tears here and there too.

Hugs to you... don't hesitate to contact me w/ questions or to chat.

mommymary6507
by on Feb. 12, 2011 at 7:49 PM

 HUGE HUGS hun. I know how hard it is. I had a D&C 2 months ago, it isn't bad. I was unfortunate though to have left overs in me so now I go again Tuesday for yet another to get the ramins out. It can happen, but it's rare they say. I was one of the lucky ones. I hope all goes well for you hun. The physical healing is much faster then the emotional. So sorry for you loss :(

Txmommy13
by on Feb. 13, 2011 at 5:40 PM

Im so sorry for your loss. I cant be much help with the d&c,but ive had 4 natural m/c's. Our first was 3yrs ago when our oldest dd was 3 and our younger dd was almost 1.It was a suprise pregnancy but i was happy none the less to welcome our 3rd dd or our 1st son.I had 2 healthy children so didnt prepare myself or think anything would happen,but i m/c our dd at about 9wks.It was so hard,and i had no support.The best thing i can tell you like some of the others mentioned is to let your feelings flow.Dont hold anyhing back or be afraid to express your feelings.It will only come back to hurt you later on if you dont address them now.

Our 1st loss was the hardest on my emotionally but i never let myself express my feelings until much later on when we had our 2nd m/c this past year. It felt like i was grieving times 2.I was hurt at losing our son,but i was also,for the first time grieving for our dd.Dont think you have to be over it in a specific amount of time.You will go through a range of emotions,and even when you think "hey im fine" something can make you have a flash back and make you sad all over again.I wish you the best and feel free to vent or write to us as often as you need to .We've all been there and are here for you.

firstimepreg30
by on Feb. 13, 2011 at 10:15 PM

I am so sorry for what your going through.. My story is on here if you want to read it.. The D&C wasnt bad because I was totally out for the whole thing,.   The drugs I was given afterward were wonderful..   A month later I to the day I got my period back..   Try to stay positive..  Ive heard 1 in 3 pregnancy end in MC.   I know that doesnt help..  But there are alot of us on here who know what your going through..  Im preg again and made it to 20 weeks so far..   So hopefully that gives you some hope.. 

If you do wanta read my story  its on this board...   dated nov 18th..   titled  "this is my story".  ill bump it for ya.

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mommyof1ltlgirl
by on Feb. 21, 2011 at 6:05 PM

I am so sry for your loss mommy..I knw how you feel..I've had three miscarriages (thts how I found out tht I was prego those three times)..I knw the emotional pain tht you are in..I have never had a D&C but I will definitely be praying for you

U.S.ArmyWife
by on Sep. 28, 2011 at 10:06 PM

 i'm sorry. but i'm not going to be much help. i just had a m/c this evening. i son't know how far i was because a home test just a two weeks ago was negative. in my underware, was a tiny (arount the size of a grape) fetus.

Kiramommy08
by on Nov. 28, 2011 at 8:48 PM
Im soooo sorry for ur lost....i went to the doct for a routine but all that wsvthere was a sac wit nothing in it. Idk wat to feel. Its hard to even think of moving on past wat u had planned with ur new baby on the way. And un-tellin people who u told is a nightmare. I hope everything goes ok for u.
BethLinton
by on Dec. 1, 2011 at 6:53 PM

sorry for your loss... i have had 3 misscarrages .... with my 2nd misscarriage my body absorbed the baby but fortunatly i still had a living baby in there too. its hard and even when u think u are over it or at least not sad about it ne more and u talk about it it hits u hard again like it just happened... i havnt told neone by my closest friends about my first misscarriage. i was 15 and the father of the baby had just broken up with me days before i misscarried. i havnt even told my husband bc the babies father is good friends with my dh now.... even tho i didnt meet dh till 2 years after that. but none the less it still hurts ... i think it hurts more that i cant really tell ppl about it that the baby is secret.... 

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