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feeling scared.

Posted by on Apr. 7, 2011 at 7:53 PM
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Hi all

Thr first time I found out I was pregnant was on April 17 2010 almost a year ago... Long story short I miscarried at 10 weeks. Fast forward a bit and I find out I'm pregnant on Christmas day... My supposed due date from first pregnancy... Heres my issue... I'm still pregnant. No bleeding cramping or anything. All ultrasounds have came back great and I've heard the heartbeat multiple times. Last time was like 17 weeks I believe. I'm almost 19 weeks on Sunday. And I'm freaking out. Why do I feel like this is too good to be true.

I know what you're thinking... That I'm crazy and I've made it this far and the odds are everything is fine but I'm so scared I'm going to go to the Dr and he won't be able to find a heartbeat or the ultrasound will show a baby thats already passed.

My miscarriage really took the excitement and fun out of pregnancy. I'm so afraid and I'm haunted by what happened and what could happen. Any words of advice? I just want to feel good and happy about this pregnancy instead of scared and anxious.
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by on Apr. 7, 2011 at 7:53 PM
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Replies (1-10):
lasombrs
by Group Owner on Apr. 7, 2011 at 9:52 PM

You are not crazy! and I am living the exact same thing. We lost our most recent baby back on March 30th of last year at 12 weeks or so. I was due October 25th. Well I was to scared to test on the 25th, but on Oct 26th I got my BFP. I am currently 27 weeks 3 days and am still terrified almost daily that I wont get to have this baby. And she is kicking like a mad women and letting me know she's in there and healthy. But I dream almost daily of preterm labor, my vbac going bad, a repeat c-section going bad. You name it the outcome is no baby. I feel terrible. I have to force myself to get on my computer daily and try to type something into my word doc pregnancy journal for her. I can't commit to buying a real one and putting it in writing. Although once she is born I'll copy it over. My son's book is filled with white out for the first two months or so from all our repeated losses before him. I hate looking at it.

Sadly I don't have much words of confidence, except we're either both nuts or this is totally normal. I just try to take it one day at a time and force myself to do things for the baby that I did for my son. I know once she gets here I'll regret not enjoying it and I'm trying to make myself if that makes sense

Txmommy13
by on Apr. 7, 2011 at 11:03 PM

Im sorry.Your not crazy.I felt the same way.I didnt have a very good first pregnancy,but it ended with a mostly healthy dd who was a fighter and is now 6yrs old.So round 2 went great and i learned pregnancy could be exciting.Then the 3rd time around i m/c and i was changed forever in the way i felt about pregnancy.The pregnancy after our m/c was full of worry.I enjoyed it the best i could but didnt truely believe it until the baby was in our arms.I can try to tell you not to stress but i know thats easier said than done.And like you said the odds are with you.I would really try to enjoy it as much as possible.

kayteebug93
by on Apr. 8, 2011 at 8:56 AM
Thanks guys. I guess ill just have to wait it our and pray everyday! I just hate the constant worry.
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mandyjh
by on Apr. 8, 2011 at 11:26 AM
You are not crazy! Once you suffer a loss the innocence of pregnancy is taken away from you :( I understand what you are going through, I had my miracle baby already almost a year ago! She will be one on the 13th, but I tell you what, I held my breath the whole nine months I pregnant with her, I was waited the whole pregnancy for the day I would loose her, it was a hard way to spend a pregnancy :( I woke up every morning and cried because I thought for sure it would be my last day with her, and I went to bed everynight and cried because I thought for sure that I would wake in the morning and she would be gone! It was the longest 9 months of my life!!! Even when I was full term and in labor with her, I feared loosing her, I would not even let the nurse turn down the sound on he heart monitor because I wanted to hear her heartbeat at all times! Hang in the sweetie! Stay strong! And you and your baby are in my thoughts and prayers, keep us updated.
JMmama
by on Apr. 9, 2011 at 5:13 PM
Your not crazy! We only recently went through our first loss and are TTC right now. I already can tell that when we get pregnant that pregnancy will be filled with anxiety in a way my other, pre-miscarriage pregnancies were not.
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shamillionaire
by on Apr. 18, 2011 at 11:43 AM
Your def not crazy! I lost twins last July at almost 5m preg, I waitied 3m to get preg again and am now 29 wks. I am due July 4th which is a year to the day that I lost my first twin. I still have a deep fear that something will happen to this baby. Its like deep down I think im not pregnant. I dont believe I will relax until he is born either.
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chais_wifey
by on Apr. 18, 2011 at 11:47 AM
That is how I was during my entire pregnancy after my loss. And it didnt help that when I went in at 8 weeks they told me that the baby was measuring 6 weeks (the EXACT same thing that happened when I had my m/c). Luckily this time it was just a miscalculation of my conception date. Just the same my entire pregnancy was wracked with worry. But now ds is 4 months and very healthy :) I know it's tough but try not to worry, stress is not good for the baby. At the same time if you do worry, its perfectly normal. But just try not to.
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kittypurr
by on Apr. 20, 2011 at 12:19 AM
I know exactly how you feel I lost my first baby at 6 weeks and 6 days. I pregnant again tumors in 1 day later. you're right it took all the excitement out of the pregnancy. it seemed so surreal that I didn't believe I was actually have my baby until she was aready deliver Ed and I, heard her first cry. I'll keep you in my thoughts and god bless!


d you feel
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angelsamonguswy
by on Apr. 22, 2011 at 12:09 AM

I understand how you feel.  It's so hard to open your heart and love this child when you're scared that you will lose a child again.  But, remember that saying "It's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all."  If you don't love and attach to this child, you will regret it later.  Force yourself to be excited and make plans for this baby's future.  If, by the unlikely chance, you lose this one, it will hurt the same no matter how much you attached or didn't.

kayteebug93
by on Jun. 5, 2011 at 12:31 AM
Thank you. This is great advice. Heading on to 27 weeks... Feeling more and more confident

Quoting angelsamonguswy:

I understand how you feel.  It's so hard to open your heart and love this child when you're scared that you will lose a child again.  But, remember that saying "It's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all."  If you don't love and attach to this child, you will regret it later.  Force yourself to be excited and make plans for this baby's future.  If, by the unlikely chance, you lose this one, it will hurt the same no matter how much you attached or didn't.

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