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a year later still feel the raw pain of the loss

Posted by on Jan. 13, 2012 at 10:13 PM
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I was 8 months when i went to get my usual check up and the doctor stopped and said i cant hear the heartbeat. he sent me to raliologist in the main hospital to be checked if everything was ok...i died on that ultrasound table when she said your baby is gone i cant find or hear a heartbeat...lord my world crashed..i have never felt so much pain all at once...see i have two beautiful girls and i wanted to add a son to the mix and my angel did turn out to be a son...Tomorrow january 14th will be the day i go the news....January 15 was the day i gave birth to my son Angel....to this day when i go back to that day i cant breathe...i dont like talking about it to much because i feel like i failed my son i should have saved him i dont know how but i am his mummy he should be here with me planning his one year birthday not remembering his loss...its hard for me cause people just remember the day he was born not the day i died twice hearing the news and meeting my Angel...how can this pain get any easier it seems like it hurts worse now than ever...God Help me

by on Jan. 13, 2012 at 10:13 PM
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Replies (1-4):
lasombrs
by Group Owner on Jan. 14, 2012 at 7:18 PM

*hugs* I am so sorry for your loss! It never truely goes away and you always remember. Anniversary dates and other dates that were important always make the pain fresh and new and are hard to over come. Its very hard but you have to try to not look at it as your fault. Tehre is no way you could have known or done anything differently. but I have the same trouble. And other who have not been through it never really understand and usually dont offer the best words of sympothy even thought they mean well.

MollyDB
by on Jan. 14, 2012 at 7:26 PM

 I grieve with you mommy. Time will allow you to come to terms with it but facts show the first year is the hardest for mothers to go through. I wish there was a way I could heal you myself. The fastest way to heal is to not let anyone rush you. That would just cause issues later down the road. I wish you well. RIP Baby boy.

P.S. Perhaps it would heal your heart a little by holding a one year rememberance day for  him. A day for you and your family to reflect on his short time with you. Or Even just you alone.

Txmommy13
by on Jan. 16, 2012 at 9:08 AM

Im so sorry for your loss.Lke the other mammas mentioned anniversaries and other special days always bring up that raw pain.I know its hard but time will eventually make the pain more bearable,it wont ever completely go away though.I liked what MollyDB suggested.Maybe hold some sort of small ceremony in honor of your son.We lost our dd almost 5yrs ago and this past year was the first time ive done anything for her anniversary.In the past it has been to painful,but the simple act of lighting a candle for her made a huge difference in the way i felt on her anniversary.

And the only other advice is to not let anyone tell you how you should or shouldnt be feeling.You do what you feel like doing to honor your son and try not to worry what others think.

ilovemykids323
by on Jan. 16, 2012 at 4:09 PM

 I am so sorry for your loss. *hugs* Take your time in healing dont let others rush you. And I agree with the others on doing someting on that day. Like lighting a candle or realeasing balloons. (I know this was yesterday but I hope you found something to help ya)

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