Okay, little background: ODD has been at the same preschool since she was about two and a half and they moved her from daycare area to pre k area. She is four now. About a year ago she started saying a little boy, X, was hitting her, kicking, pushing, etc. I spoke with her teacher and she explained X (at the time) was still adjusting to the new classroom, as he had just turned three and moved up to ODD's age group. They were working with him and his parents as much as parents would cooperate to help him adjust and stop being so physical. ODD would periodically come home saying X had done something to her, we would ask if she told a teacher (my instructions after the first few incidents, walk away and find a teacher), yes she had and he had gotten in trouble for it. They only have room and teachers enough for one class per age group, so she moved up and he followed. The teacher keeps them on opposite sides of the room, monitors them, intervenes/disciplines when needed, and says sometimes he is nice to ODD. Problem is, ODD is now telling us she does not want to go to prek, because X hits, kicks, pushes, calls her names (I was present for one of those- he called her a f**ker twice, and luckily for him one of the directors took him out of the room before I decided whether I was going to just scare him or wash his mouth out or who knows what). ODD's teacher told her one day to hit him back- not what I want her doing because a) he is much stockier than her and if he has grown up in the sort of house I think he has he won't stop, he will just hit harder next time and b) I do not want her solving problems by hitting or retaliating until the other party leaves her alone. I don't want to remove her because I also have a two year old there and finding openings for two children in the same place, ages two and four, is next to impossible, and on top of that ODD has a dairy allergy and this daycare/preschool has been excellent with the allergy checking, as well as everything else. The only problem right now is this little boy, and I will not pull both my children from this daycare/preschool just because one little boy can't keep his hands to himself and the daycare is not getting any support from his parents.
Long, I know. Any thoughts?