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Daycare issues/need feedback piog

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Okay, little background: ODD has been at the same preschool since she was about two and a half and they moved her from daycare area to pre k area.  She is four now.  About a year ago she started saying a little boy, X, was hitting her, kicking, pushing, etc.  I spoke with her teacher and she explained X (at the time) was still adjusting to the new classroom, as he had just turned three and moved up to ODD's age group.  They were working with him and his parents as much as parents would cooperate to help him adjust and stop being so physical.  ODD would periodically come home saying X had done something to her, we would ask if she told a teacher (my instructions after the first few incidents, walk away and find a teacher), yes she had and he had gotten in trouble for it.  They only have room and teachers enough for one class per age group, so she moved up and he followed.  The teacher keeps them on opposite sides of the room, monitors them, intervenes/disciplines when needed, and says sometimes he is nice to ODD.  Problem is, ODD is now telling us she does not want to go to prek, because X hits, kicks, pushes, calls her names (I was present for one of those- he called her a f**ker twice, and luckily for him one of the directors took him out of the room before I decided whether I was going to just scare him or wash his mouth out or who knows what).  ODD's teacher told her one day to hit him back- not what I want her doing because a) he is much stockier than her and if he has grown up in the sort of house I think he has he won't stop, he will just hit harder next time and b) I do not want her solving problems by hitting or retaliating until the other party leaves her alone.  I don't want to remove her because I also have a two year old there and finding openings for two children in the same place, ages two and four, is next to impossible, and on top of that ODD has a dairy allergy and this daycare/preschool has been excellent with the allergy checking, as well as everything else.  The only problem right now is this little boy, and I will not pull both my children from this daycare/preschool just because one little boy can't keep his hands to himself and the daycare is not getting any support from his parents.  

Long, I know.  Any thoughts?


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by on Jan. 12, 2013 at 8:16 AM
Replies (11-16):
cjsmom1
by Platinum Member on Jan. 12, 2013 at 10:35 AM
I know what you mean. My sons not bad but traditional punishment doesn't work for him. We've had so pretty creative punishments for him. I also understand what you're saying about people's reactions. My friends dd has autism and when she has meltdowns people always make comments about just beat her.


Quoting Marti123:

I know this is plausible, even likely, but please entertain the fact, some children do not respond to traditional discipline. Luckily, my youngest child does NOT curse, but his behavior is embarrassing and shameful to me at times. Hundreds of dollars on therapy (probably thousands considering insurance & missed work) later, hours of crying myself to sleep praying, and every ounce of energy spent at home trying to teach him appropriate behavior has failed in seeing a large improvement. It is heart-breaking and hurts even worse when I know other parents think we just do not care or work at it.



Sorry, I just had to let that out.




Quoting cjsmom1:

Other than having a meeting I'm not sure what you can do. For a child to curse like that it shows a lack of discipline in the home. Sadly the only solution would be kicking this kid out.


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Nighttiger
by Ashley on Jan. 12, 2013 at 10:59 AM

You'vve had some great sugestions. I hope you can get answers. If you can't, can they look at moving her up a class to the class above her age? I know things are age critical right now, but I also know DH can interact just fine and keep up with kids even 2 years older. Maybe they can bump her up to the older class for this special circumstance if they can't find another solution. 

mickstinator
by on Jan. 12, 2013 at 1:16 PM

Ok, my two cents: she's going to have these kind of issues potentially her whole life. There are always bullies everywhere. My biggest experience with unruly children comes from our next door neighbor, my 4 year old's best friend. He has serious behavioral issues. Way beyond normal. His story is sad and explains many of his issues. Anyway, he hits, bites, pulls hair, punches, yells, throws...it's really awful. I don't know how to handle him sometimes because he's so hurtful both physically and emotionally on all the other kids. I try to see it as an opportunity to teach my kids how to handle people even when they're mean and don't deserve respect. It's a hard lesson, but a necessary one IMO. I'd stay on top of the directors and not let things slide that are unacceptable, but to a degree, kids will be kids. They will break rules and do things they shouldn't. I'm sure with your constant care and attentiveness, she will be alright (as long as the situation doesn't accelerate). 

preacherskid
by Silver Member on Jan. 12, 2013 at 1:32 PM
1 mom liked this


Quoting Nighttiger:

You'vve had some great sugestions. I hope you can get answers. If you can't, can they look at moving her up a class to the class above her age? I know things are age critical right now, but I also know DH can interact just fine and keep up with kids even 2 years older. Maybe they can bump her up to the older class for this special circumstance if they can't find another solution. 

They mentioned bumping her up a while back, not because of this but because she is pretty advanced in some areas.  She's a very smart girl for four years old.  Socially she is learning, but when it comes to learning her teacher mentioned a while back that she seems to get bored. IDK if there is room in the next class up, but if there is it will at least give her a bit of a breather, until he moves up anyway.  But if she moves up by the time he does she will be older and hopefully bigger, if not in kinder.

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Nighttiger
by Ashley on Jan. 12, 2013 at 8:24 PM

Sounds like something worth exploring! And I just realized I said DH...I meant DS. LOL. Yup, DH can play well with kids up to 2 years older too! :P

Quoting preacherskid:


Quoting Nighttiger:

You'vve had some great sugestions. I hope you can get answers. If you can't, can they look at moving her up a class to the class above her age? I know things are age critical right now, but I also know DH can interact just fine and keep up with kids even 2 years older. Maybe they can bump her up to the older class for this special circumstance if they can't find another solution. 

They mentioned bumping her up a while back, not because of this but because she is pretty advanced in some areas.  She's a very smart girl for four years old.  Socially she is learning, but when it comes to learning her teacher mentioned a while back that she seems to get bored. IDK if there is room in the next class up, but if there is it will at least give her a bit of a breather, until he moves up anyway.  But if she moves up by the time he does she will be older and hopefully bigger, if not in kinder.


christyg
by on Jan. 12, 2013 at 9:41 PM

I have a little boy in my daycare that is more aggressive than the others. Part of the problem is that he has been labeled as "mean". So whenever there is an issue, its easy for them to tattle on him. If another child does the same thing, it doesnt result in tattling, but it ALWAYS does when he is involved, It had gotten to the point that even if he accidently bumped one of the kids, I would hear that "XXX hit me!"

There was one specific little girl that he seemed to have the most issues with, and it took me a long time to get to the bottom of WHY. After watching them for awhile, I realized that HE has no "bubble", and will get in your face to tell you something exciting, while SHE has a very large "bubble" and wants everyone else to stay at a distance from her. It took a lot of working on it, but they eventually became friends and learned to get along. I think it was really good, especially for this girl, to learn how to handle others.

I would ask the techers to evaulate if he is really being mean for mean-ness sake, or if there are some underlying issues to explain his behavior. Then, make sure she is not just labeling him as the "mean kid". Maybe she can try to look for the positives, and hopefully find some!

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