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Moms who scaled back or quit working altogether- Help!

Posted by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 5:14 PM
  • 15 Replies

Moms who scaled back or quit work: I'm interested to hear how you cope/ feel about that. I started a new part-time job/career path mainly to spend more time at home and try new things but it is frustrating to feel like the 'success train' is moving along without me.  I have a Master's degree and was working in a career for 7 years before I got fed up with it and decided it was more important to work part-time and see my daughter grow up.  I had been working full time since she was an infant and only scaled back once she was 3.

My husband is very successful in his career and a breadwinner.  While I am very fortunate, I am also a little jealous, like what will happen to my career in 20 years??


How can I patiently do this and still feel like I'll have a career once my kids are grown up??

by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 5:14 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Marti123
by Platinum Member on Jan. 18, 2013 at 9:03 PM
I am sorry it is a difficult transition. I have not exactly been in your position, i know my career certainly is not where it would without kids, but it is what it is. Here's a bump.

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ivf_blessed
by Bronze Member on Jan. 18, 2013 at 9:13 PM

I tried to scale back - I started at 25 hours a week and over the past 2 years my employers have demanded more of my time - I am now up to 35 hours a week.  I hate it (working so many hours that is) but I am more afraid to be without a job.  I have to be happy with the fact that I still get to leave work at 3 and pick my kids up directly from school but I miss being able to volunteer at the school or attend field trips.

I am not sure what career you are in but if I am out of my field for a certain time, I will lose my licenses so that is why I wanted/needed to stay part time.

cjsmom1
by Platinum Member on Jan. 18, 2013 at 9:42 PM

I don't know that there is an easy answer. It's normal to wonder where your career would be in you didn't have kids. I think we just need to remember that raising kids is the most important job we'll ever have. Yes, we give a huge part of our careers to take care of our kids, but in the end it's worth it.

SlightlyPerfect
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Chanting. "4 more weeks."
Monday at 8:14 PM
by on Jan. 19, 2013 at 8:42 AM

Just some random advice from someone who's been there:

I felt much like you did this time last year. It was a very strong force in me that directed me to terminate all my contracts.

At this point, it seems no one has a career anymore in that no one stays with one company and moves up. It's not our parents' economy, you know?

If you want to be with your daughter, I advise you to be with your daughter. i tried working full-time, part-time, and from home. Nothing brought on security and a sense of stability more than when I stayed home full-time.

When she's older (she's 4 now), I'll most likely go back to work in my field and re-establish my career, but I found that worrying about what my resume looks like with a 2-to-3-year gap in employment is a very minor concern when compared with my daughter's childhood.

Like you, I'm smart. I'll figure out my career when DD is back in school. No sense in worrying about it now, given all the independent variables you just can't control (like the economy).

You may, as you get older and she gets older, regret working during her childhood, but I'm not so sure you could regret staying home (if you enjoy it).

I will tell you one thing, though, that I've found over the past 2 years. I'm not so sure I could ever work for someone or a company again. I've been interviewed and offered positions but subsequently turned them all down. I have a feeling I'll have to either change my field completely or start my own business.

slightlyperfect

SlightlyPerfect
Report
Chanting. "4 more weeks."
Monday at 8:14 PM
by on Jan. 19, 2013 at 8:46 AM

One of my fields is education, but I can keep my cert active online by completing courses for credits even if I'm not actively teaching, so I've been doing that while staying home. What field are you in? Can you do that?

Quoting ivf_blessed:

I am not sure what career you are in but if I am out of my field for a certain time, I will lose my licenses so that is why I wanted/needed to stay part time.


slightlyperfect

allyn9
by Carey on Jan. 20, 2013 at 3:48 AM

You sound like you have the itch to get back to work full time.  Just my thought, but your 3 year old will be in school full time within 2 years, so why don't you set that as your goal for returning to work.  I had a situation quite similar to yours (successful hub and me with an MBA) and really didn't feel I was missing alot (nor did my kids) by me not being home all the time. 

wingmom
by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 1:21 PM

I know my career would be further if I never had my son, yet my son is the best thing that ever happened to me and has given my so much joy and meaning that I would never have had. Think of it this way, when your child is bigger and no longer needs you so much, which, yes will come quicker than you think, you can revamp your career and work the rest of your life. Women do it all the time. Your child is only little once, these years are sooo precious, when they are gone they are gone forever. Now is the time to shape that person who is your child and needs you more than any job on earth. Jobs and careers are always there when we are ready, (yes they really can replace us whether we like that or not) but our kids could never replace us, our kids need us now and they are far more important than anything else, period. Try to remember that this time is temporary and make the best of it. Go to zoos, museums, get involved in her school, go on nature hikes, really enjoy those freedoms of being home more. Join a moms and me club, or join the Y and workout while your daughter plays in the daycare. There are so many ways to enjoy the freedom, make it freedom, not a prison. Its all how you shape it. Just ask your daughter every day if she would rather have you home with her or at work, and you can guess what her answer will be every time. You can do it mom! really you can, be patient in this transition time which is what it is and its hard, your daughter is better off for it, and the memories will be such a treasure as you age. When my son is older I will go back to nursing, and I will have the rest of my adult life to work, right now my time is my sons and he loves having me home! Also, take it one day at a time! Dont worry about 20 years from now! No one can solve the problems of 20 years from now! worry about today and today only, and do that every day, and you will be much less stressed.

mindysue852
by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 1:46 PM

I love the responses you have received because I've been considering scaling back to  part time or staying at home for a few years while my son is young. He is 8 months old and I have struggled working and feel like a bad mom being away when we could afford for me to work part time somewhere else, even though it would involve a $10+ an hour pay cut. I just feel like I will regret not being with him and spending time with him is more important than the income, it's just hard to give up a $18 an hour job knowing that I couldn't get it back once I quit.

strongerwtime
by Bronze Member on Jan. 21, 2013 at 2:14 PM

 working for someone else just sucks imo...Im doing what I have to do now..but working on another plan..I support entrepreneurship.

Quoting SlightlyPerfect:

Just some random advice from someone who's been there:

I felt much like you did this time last year. It was a very strong force in me that directed me to terminate all my contracts.

At this point, it seems no one has a career anymore in that no one stays with one company and moves up. It's not our parents' economy, you know?

If you want to be with your daughter, I advise you to be with your daughter. i tried working full-time, part-time, and from home. Nothing brought on security and a sense of stability more than when I stayed home full-time.

When she's older (she's 4 now), I'll most likely go back to work in my field and re-establish my career, but I found that worrying about what my resume looks like with a 2-to-3-year gap in employment is a very minor concern when compared with my daughter's childhood.

Like you, I'm smart. I'll figure out my career when DD is back in school. No sense in worrying about it now, given all the independent variables you just can't control (like the economy).

You may, as you get older and she gets older, regret working during her childhood, but I'm not so sure you could regret staying home (if you enjoy it).

I will tell you one thing, though, that I've found over the past 2 years. I'm not so sure I could ever work for someone or a company again. I've been interviewed and offered positions but subsequently turned them all down. I have a feeling I'll have to either change my field completely or start my own business.

 

Jers.
by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 3:39 AM

I don't know what line of work you are in, but have you thought of starting your own small business from home or doing consultant work?  For me, it's the best of both worlds.  I work my own hours for the most part (once in a while I get a client who needs a job or project rushed, but I charge double for that so they don't do if often.)

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