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Posted by on Feb. 12, 2013 at 8:44 PM
  • 15 Replies

So i have a few questions??

Am i a bad mother and wife??

i have a over the top devoted husband and 3 girls. 19,16 and 7.

Now my husband and i both work we try to help eachother out as much as we can but lately it seems like we are both so run down, and seriously in need of some us time but can never find it.

I work 9 hrs, he works 14 hrs and by the time we get home cook dinner clean up and get the youngest hw done and bathed we are ready to pass out.

i sometimes feel like i never get ME time and he is alittle to mushy for me and sometimes complains about having to rush home to pick the lil one up from daycare and come home to dishes in the sink (16 yr old) and how he does them because its easier then making her.

I get so frustrated sometimes feeling like well ya know what i did today???? ill actually say to him  do you want to make alist to see who did the most or who had the hardest day?

The main reason I ask if im a bad mother/wife is because lately I cannot wait for the bus to pick up my youngest so i can hurry up and go to work (early). its like a break for me ( i know its pathetic).

i guess im just in a rut and wondering if i am the only one who has ever felt this way. Anyone have any ideas?

by on Feb. 12, 2013 at 8:44 PM
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by Member on Feb. 12, 2013 at 8:56 PM

 Honestly, I don't think you are bad. My kids gave me such a headache last weekend that I wanted to run away from home. I only work 4 hours a day, but on the weekends everyone is at home and in the morning, they are all talking, arguing with each other.

I also think, in my opinion, girls are a lot harder than boys. My two girls can look at one another and get into a fight over nothing. LOL

In a way, sometimes, work can be a blessing.

Maybe you and your husband need a night out.


have a nice day

by Silver Member on Feb. 12, 2013 at 10:03 PM
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Been there. 

My advice, try to avoid the comparison of who did what- that never goes anywhere good. You are both contributing and it sounds like you could both use some down time. Any chance you have an extra day of paid time off/vacation  you could use?  It would be awesome for you and hubs to have a day date to relax, reconnect and rest. That might be enough to give you some of the energy and patience you are looking for!

by Platinum Member on Feb. 13, 2013 at 12:11 AM
It sounds like you need to find someone to watch the kids so you and dh can just relax at home. Start having all the kids do chores so it's less for you and dh
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by Ashley on Feb. 13, 2013 at 12:20 AM

I would say take a day off just for yourself if you can to start. Or do a girls night out. Then get your 16 or 19 year old to watch your 7 year old, and take a night off. Maybe treat yourself to a maid to clean the house one time if you can afford it so you can get a clean start. The maid can even be hired to come over while your teen is supposed to be watching you son so it would be a double positive. :) 

Otherwise, like others have said, try not to compare. No matter what, your both tired and it stinks to have to come home and keep working. Just remember you are doing it to keep your family going! 

by Silver Member on Feb. 13, 2013 at 12:25 AM

Me!  Me!  Lol.  Well, some days.  Today was a good day, I didn't get cussed by any customers at all- got home and the kids were pretty good too.  I have a two year old and four year old, both girls.  Lately I have considered adding "expert in conflict negotiation" to my resume lol. Seriously though I agree you guys need a break, together or apart, you both need time away from kids, work, responsibility.  DH and I make time for a cup of tea every night; it would be nice to have a date out but tight schedule and tight budget equals no dates out- tea before bed is the next best thing :)   Maybe you can set aside time together or part once a week or so just to relieve some of the stress.

And he can make the 16 year old do dishes- her hands won't fall off ;)

by Melissa on Feb. 13, 2013 at 9:11 AM

You're not a bad mom. It just sounds like you and dh could use a day off. Maybe see if you can get someone to watch the kids and go do something that's just for you guys.

by Gold Member on Feb. 13, 2013 at 9:16 AM
This. And maybe leave out conversations about work and/or housework.

Quoting trfgirl56701:

You're not a bad mom. It just sounds like you and dh could use a day off. Maybe see if you can get someone to watch the kids and go do something that's just for you guys.

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by Group Admin on Feb. 13, 2013 at 9:58 AM

I only have one, who is 2.  I can't imaging having 3 and dealing with all that goes with.  I think if you guys need some time alone, get a sitter or have one of the olders take care of the youngest and get a room somewhere to relax.  No sex necessary, just to chill out, read a book, watch a movie, spend time together.  If you choose to be intimate, have fun, but if there are no expectations, it may go easier.

by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 10:14 AM

You are NOT a bad mother/wife.  Wanting some "me" time is not selfish, and is necessary for your emotional and physical well-being.   You have got to demand some help from the girls and your husband.  Delegate if necessary.  Tell them how you feel, and that you are going to lose it if you don't get some support.  If that doesn't work, then go on a "strike."   Don't wash anyone's clothes/dishes but your own (and probably your 7-y-old's) for a few days and see how they like that.  Maybe it will wake them up enough to realize how much you do.  I actually read about a woman who did this, and it worked with her 2 teens and husband.

by Gold Member on Feb. 13, 2013 at 10:39 AM
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I don't think anything you said here makes you a bad wife or mother. Life is busy, especially with kids and a full-time out of the house job. I work full time as a financial controller and my husband works full time as a quality chemist. I have 4 skids - 19, 18, 16, and 14. Together we have a son, 7. Our house is BUSY all the time! No resting! Someone is always doing something or going somewhere or has a ball game or we need to clean or fix this or whatever. It never ends. Going to work is sometimes more relaxing than being at home.

Get a babysitter for the little one. Take your DH on a date. Even if you're broke and all you can afford is an ice cream cone. The hour out and alone will help SOOOOO much!

Make the kids help. They are all old enough. We have housecleaning day at our house. We designate a time when there are no activities and we clean. Everyone pitches in and it takes maybe an hour. The older kids can also help with laundry, dishes, cooking......It is not mean to expect them to help out. They live there, they are part of the family...and they're going to need to know how to do these things when they move out anyway. Even if they make mac & cheese for supper, it's one less thing for you to have to do.

Oh yeah, and don't get into the "I did this, what did you do?" conversation with your DH. It probably won't end well.

Good luck!

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