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Update, moving past denial now......

Posted by on Mar. 20, 2013 at 10:28 AM
  • 16 Replies

but now I am in this usettled, unfocused stage.

So most of my online friends here, are well aware that I am pregnant. I have accepted this, am now starting in my 2nd trimester. I am finally starting to get excited, and from this point forward, unplanned does NOT mean unwanted. We very much want BABY M. Baby M is making me feel like death, but that's a whole 'nother post in the birth group, lol, moving on...........

I am at work right now, trying to review PPT slides, but all I can think about is my employment situation and HOW am I going to make this work with a new baby. On one hand I so lucky, because I have several options (continue teaching & working clinical part-time OR stop teaching & going to work clinical full-time, then decided between a week-end option vs. traditional weekday job). But on the ther hand, choices mean: I have so many decisions, it is really stressful. Things that factor into my equations:

  • household budget (daycare costs which are outrageous in my area, honestly for 3 full-time kiddos at their ages will probaby run $2500-3000 per month, DH is NOT ok with nanny or aupair),
  • my career (quitting jobs or changing my paths now in my 30's does affect my options and possibly earning potential long-term significantly),
  • my personal physical and psychological limitations (or how much can I actually work and how much stress can I take as a mom of a infant, pre-schooler, and KGer and stay healthy) 
  • my marriage (or how much time I have lef for DH)
  • time with kiddos , pretty much self-explanatory. 

Somethings on this list are going to get sacrificed. It is jut really hard to figure know what the right choice is.....and even though it seems like I have a ton of time, and yes I do have lots, I do not have jobs where you give "2 weeks". I'd like to give my employers a heads up and I just think if I have made a decision prior to birth, it would greatly decrease my stress level.

I don't know what advice I am looking for really, but anybody have words of wisdom??

Thanks everyone btw, for all your support all th way, you guys are always the best!!!

group hug

 

by on Mar. 20, 2013 at 10:28 AM
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Replies (1-10):
christyg
by on Mar. 20, 2013 at 10:35 AM

Why does dh not want a nanny? You can get a live-out one so that you don't have to make a bedroom for her. I think it would be a perfect solution for your family. She can help get the kids to/from school, take care of the baby, and even help do the dishes and laundry.

leahbeah143
by Leah on Mar. 20, 2013 at 10:36 AM

I could not imagine spending that much for daycare, oh my goodness!

What does DH have to say about everything?

Marti123
by Platinum Member on Mar. 20, 2013 at 10:42 AM

 He just does not trust people. He is worried a new infant will be abused and neglected unable to speak up. He doesn't like the idea of him/her driving the kids everywhere as well, and then we'd possibly have to worry about transportation vehicle. And most people that know who have nannies, have to worry about sick days unexpectantly. And that's a big pain.

I'm actually warming up to the idea, but he is pretty firm, we'll see.

Quoting christyg:

Why does dh not want a nanny? You can get a live-out one so that you don't have to make a bedroom for her. I think it would be a perfect solution for your family. She can help get the kids to/from school, take care of the baby, and even help do the dishes and laundry.


 

deccaf
by Platinum Member on Mar. 20, 2013 at 10:45 AM

Are you religious?  This would be a good thing to pray on.  If not, meditate on it.  Clear your mind of everyhting else.  Think about your options, and how they will affect your family.  Maybe do pro/con lists.  I wish you luck in whatever you choose.

Marti123
by Platinum Member on Mar. 20, 2013 at 10:48 AM

 DH's first pick:

Quit teaching, fight for the week-end only job, and stay home with the kids Monday-Friday, i.e. no daycare.

But the week-end job, is HIGH HIGH stress. Immense amount of responsibility for me. And my week-ends are GONE. DH is great partner, BUT not a great Mr. Mom, and I don't think he really remembers what is involved with taking care of an infant, because I always do it. So I am very reluctant for him to have 3 kids for the week-end unattended. I don't think he grasps taking a 5month old to soccer games, birthday parties, etc. all by himself. I know people, say well, he'll cope, BUT idk, it won't be pretty.

And I like teaching. I'd lose my position, I'd lose opportunity. Not the end of world, but all the same.


Quoting leahbeah143:

I could not imagine spending that much for daycare, oh my goodness!

What does DH have to say about everything?


 

Marti123
by Platinum Member on Mar. 20, 2013 at 10:51 AM

Thank you!

I'm a struggling, sinning Catholic. I do pray, but nothing seem clear, just jumbled thoughts!


Quoting deccaf:

Are you religious?  This would be a good thing to pray on.  If not, meditate on it.  Clear your mind of everyhting else.  Think about your options, and how they will affect your family.  Maybe do pro/con lists.  I wish you luck in whatever you choose.


 

christyg
by on Mar. 20, 2013 at 11:05 AM

For the amount that you would be spending on childcare, you can get someone HIGHLY qualified, experienced, and recommended. Nanny agencies go through intensive background checks and they usually have thier own vehicle. I have thought about being a nanny and quitting the daycare, just so that I could spend one on one time with the kids instead of the group setting. I know how hard it is to be a busy mom and it would be really fulfilling to be able to help out now that my own kids are older. A nanny is not always a young college girl, you can get an experienced mom too. I really think you should consider it, with your busy life, you need an extra set of hands.

Quoting Marti123:

 He just does not trust people. He is worried a new infant will be abused and neglected unable to speak up. He doesn't like the idea of him/her driving the kids everywhere as well, and then we'd possibly have to worry about transportation vehicle. And most people that know who have nannies, have to worry about sick days unexpectantly. And that's a big pain.

I'm actually warming up to the idea, but he is pretty firm, we'll see.

Quoting christyg:

Why does dh not want a nanny? You can get a live-out one so that you don't have to make a bedroom for her. I think it would be a perfect solution for your family. She can help get the kids to/from school, take care of the baby, and even help do the dishes and laundry.




iansmommy9
by Bronze Member on Mar. 20, 2013 at 11:32 AM

I was going to suggest do pt daycare and take the weekend option. By putting them in daycare a few days a week, you'd get some down time after the long weekend. But, if you love teaching and not sure about DH doing the weekend parenting, that idea probably isn't going to work. 

AnnLanders
by Member on Mar. 20, 2013 at 11:39 AM

Nothing is forever.  Take it day by day and see how things work out in the beginning without making major changes.  If they aren't working out, make one change at a time.  No reason to turn your life upside down all at once.

Marti123
by Platinum Member on Mar. 20, 2013 at 11:40 AM

One of the biggest delimmas I face everytime I have a new baby, is that accredited daycare centers in our area do NOT take part time infants. Soooo, I am faced with a monthly bill of 1400-1500/ month even if I used it 1 day a week. Crazy I know, it was always the entire reason I never went to part-time after the birth of the first two. Ofcourse, now with hindsight, my career options are greater since I worked full-time, lol, so guess everything works out in the end.


Quoting iansmommy9:

I was going to suggest do pt daycare and take the weekend option. By putting them in daycare a few days a week, you'd get some down time after the long weekend. But, if you love teaching and not sure about DH doing the weekend parenting, that idea probably isn't going to work. 


 

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