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Dilemma

Posted by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 3:08 PM
  • 7 Replies

I am adopted.  Was adopted as a baby and have known none other than my adoptive parents.  They're just 'my parents'.

It was a closed adoption and I never had any details or info of any kind on birth family.

Fast forward to early years of my marriage.  DH wished I had some info (like heritage, medical history) before we had kids (and I had always wondered about that anyway) so I put my name in a site where adoptees and their birth families can find each other.

Time went by - no word - had our first boy in 1999 and in 2002 I received a hand-written letter.  It was from my birth mom.  I was 30 years old (I'm nearly 41 now).

Anyway, she got my name from that site and wanted to introduce herself.  We started writing - then emailing - and even exchanged pictures, but I was very clear that I was NOT going to tell my parents (they are so insecure it would be a disaster), and I had no desire to actually meet her, etc.  She was fine with whatever level of communication I was comfortable with.

As the years went on our letters/emails became few and far between.  She's nice enough, but I just have no desire to really keep up communication. 

Anyway, a few weeks ago she sent me a handwritten letter (hadn't done that in years) indicating that she has cancer.  She had surgery and is awaiting next steps.

I know I *should* respond - it's the nice thing to do - but I have no idea what to say.  I have no real connection with her.  I don't feel anything really - she's essentially a stranger.  But, somehow - since I know who she is - I feel 'obligated' to respond.

I don't really want to re-open lines of communication...

What would you do?

by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 3:08 PM
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Replies (1-7):
christyg
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 3:34 PM

I dont know if I would do anything at all. Cancer is pretty treatable most of the time. You are not obligated to send her a response, but maybe she felt a responsibility to just let you know.

If you want to reply, maybe a simple "get well" card signed but without a personal note? That would indicate to her that you got her letter, but still keep her at a distance. 

leahbeah143
by Leah on Apr. 9, 2013 at 3:52 PM

 

Quoting christyg:

I dont know if I would do anything at all. Cancer is pretty treatable most of the time. You are not obligated to send her a response, but maybe she felt a responsibility to just let you know.

If you want to reply, maybe a simple "get well" card signed but without a personal note? That would indicate to her that you got her letter, but still keep her at a distance. 

 This was what I was going to say too!

rissarin
by Gold Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 6:32 PM
I'd maybe just send a card or something. Maybe not an "I'm thinking of you" card, because that seems like it could be taken too far possibly. But maybe just a "wishing you a quick recovery" or a "get well soon" card or something?
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Bubbie0809
by Gold Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 6:35 PM


Quoting rissarin:

I'd maybe just send a card or something. Maybe not an "I'm thinking of you" card, because that seems like it could be taken too far possibly. But maybe just a "wishing you a quick recovery" or a "get well soon" card or something?

I was going to say that about the quick recovery card. 

cjsmom1
by Platinum Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 7:10 PM
I agree with the other ladies about sending a card. That way it acknowledges what she said but isn't to personal.
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the3Rs
by Platinum Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 7:31 PM

Thanks ladies.  I was concerned that a card would seem too impersonal since she took the time to hand-write the letter to me...but then again i don't want a personal relationship, so....it gets tricky.  :)

I'll try to find a nice card.

Nighttiger
by Ashley on Apr. 9, 2013 at 7:42 PM

Yup. This

Quoting rissarin:

I'd maybe just send a card or something. Maybe not an "I'm thinking of you" card, because that seems like it could be taken too far possibly. But maybe just a "wishing you a quick recovery" or a "get well soon" card or something?


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