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Working Moms Working Moms

Please excuse me while I go off on a rant...

Posted by on Apr. 19, 2013 at 9:45 PM
  • 9 Replies

I wake up at 6am for work where I am a Warehouse manager. I spend my 12 hour shift loading & unloading trucks, processing over 500 cartons of inventory, cleaning my warehouse & stockroom, & filling out paperwork. I drive home (over 40 miles) during rush hour traffic in a car that has no A/C, it's 80+ degrees & I only have one working window which I can't roll down because despite the heat it's pouring rain. 

The second I step inside my home dh hops on his xbox leaving me to tend to our 2 year old ds, clean the mess they made before I got home, & cook dinner since dh & ds are now whining about how "REALLY HUNGRY" they are. (They think this is hilarious.) Okay fine, I didn't complain, I did what I had to do & got shit done. Ds is awesome I love him, but he's a hyper mess some days so until 8:30pm I have yet to sit down because ds is 2 & he's always on the go. I also worked all day so I tried to keep up with him until his bed time so I can squeeze in as much play time with him as I can. 

8:45pm, I just got ds into bed & it is the first time I sit down for the day if you don't include my drive to/from work & not a full minute passes before dh (still playing his xbox) asks me to go grab him a beer. Um.... NO. At this point all I want is 10 minutes to sit down without interuption. Then I get a condecending comment on how it's rediculous how tired I am.

I work my ass off at work. With my job there is no way to get it done without doing so. Dh I think should understand this. I didn't make snotty comments complaining on how tired he was when he used to have a physically demanding job. Why is it okay for him to do that to me now? Now he is a carpenter & most days only completes 3 work orders a day. On my lunch break I see on facebook he's posted numerous accomplishments on app games he's been playing on his phone because he has so much free time at work that's what he does. Along with watching movies & TV off his Netflix app & going fishing AT WORK. If he doesn't want me to be tired at the end of the day maybe he should recognize I work harder than he does & my work doesn't end when I get off the clock & he should step up to help with the house & our ds. Is that too much to ask for?

He needs to choose what he wants because I can be a house wife if that's what he wants. I'll quit my job in a heart beat if it were an option. Or if he wants me to continue to be financially supportive & do my damn job he needs to recognize there will be days when I'm tired & fed up with this crap. If any of you can deal with days like this on a daily basis I tip my hat off to you. After going through this routine day after day for over a year now, I am fed up.

by on Apr. 19, 2013 at 9:45 PM
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Replies (1-9):
cjsmom1
by Platinum Member on Apr. 19, 2013 at 10:51 PM

I'm sorry. I think we all go through these days once in a while. It sounds like you need to have a talk with dh about helping around the house. When both people work both need to clean and help with all the household responsibilities. Regardless of whose job is more demanding the fact is working full-time is exhausting. You two may need to decide who's responsible for what chores each day and then follow that.

ms-superwoman
by Member on Apr. 19, 2013 at 11:22 PM

Talk to him about it and tell him that you need help!

WAHMommy13
by Member on Apr. 20, 2013 at 12:09 AM

I would def. tell your DH to back off. Im sorry but theres no reason for him to act like that. And ya know if he wants to act like a child i would take the xbox. Luckley my Dh isnt into that kind of stuff but if he were i would take it if he was being an ass. And if he makes a mess make him clean it. hes a grown man why should you have to be his mommy too. You need a partner so sounds like he needs to step up. just my opinion. Hang in there things will get better.

Jacky     Successful WAHMommy & Discount Healthcare Benefits Specialist. Ask me how you can be too!! angel mini

the3Rs
by Platinum Member on Apr. 20, 2013 at 8:15 AM
I agree you two really need to have a mature, uninterrupted discussion. Set expectations for both of you. Explain that you are PARTNERS and you each need to contribute. I would not resort to saying things like "I work harder than you" or "you're acting like a child", etc. that will just cause him to throw up walls. You catch more flies with honey.
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calsmom62
by Silver Member on Apr. 20, 2013 at 9:21 AM
This is what my first thought was too. Then I remembered you are his wife not his mom. Though clearly you do have two kids. Chore chart!! He can start dinner, run laundry, etc. Don't let him get away with treating you like a maid.


Quoting WAHMommy13:

I would def. tell your DH to back off. Im sorry but theres no reason for him to act like that. And ya know if he wants to act like a child i would take the xbox. Luckley my Dh isnt into that kind of stuff but if he were i would take it if he was being an ass. And if he makes a mess make him clean it. hes a grown man why should you have to be his mommy too. You need a partner so sounds like he needs to step up. just my opinion. Hang in there things will get better.


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Marti123
by Platinum Member on Apr. 20, 2013 at 9:49 AM
1 mom liked this
I am sorry. Working full time is hard. Raising children is hard. Marriage is hard. Combine them all together, it can get crazy.

I would tell your DH, I need help with cleaning, cooking, and bedtime routine. Which would you like to pitch in with? I agree with others to avoid "I work harder than you" and it sounds as though you went into a marriage where household roles were not expected to be equal, but now you are realizing you want them to be. I entered a similar relationship, and just have to embrace that things will never be tit for tat or 50/50. And that's ok, but I still ask for help and train him as I can. I have to break chores down much like I do for 5 yo, and use lots of positive reinforcement, thank you's, kisses, etc. I know it is hard to do when seething in anger, so try to be calm and focus on good points in the relationship

And then I probably actually would pick the battle NO games on week-nights until after 8:30 once, DS is in bed. "Please let's focus on our son and our house." He can play puzzles, games, cars, with your son etc., he can teach his son to pick up, or he can start dinner with DS. I would definitely review way family values I want to instill AND DEMONSTRATE to our children: a loving supportive marriage, valuing family time, appropriate coping and stress management skills, work ethic, Appreciation for our lives and blessings, etc. and from what you have described this is not what is being demonstrated in evenings.

Good luck to you, just try to stay positive and remember changes can happen little by little!
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LotusBubbleFly
by Member on Apr. 20, 2013 at 9:54 AM

I too, think you should just have a talk with him. Me and my husband have an agreement that once he takes care of the household priorities/chores/etc...he can do whatever he wants. It sounds like he's just getting comfortable being more lazy, rather than helping with the household.

There's nothing wrong with if your husband loves to play video games, watch sports or movies though. It's how he prioritizes that time with duties that need to get done around the house.

I'm sure you'll get it worked out. As long as you remind him that you guys are a team and to keep the household running smoothly and for both of you to keep your SANITY, it's important that you work together and compromise on what works best for both of you :)

Also I think you should make it known that because of your physically strenuous job...you need an hour of YOU TIME...where you get to come in and relax and tend to yourself and get to wind down.

rezika
by New Member on Apr. 20, 2013 at 2:31 PM

Wow, I applaude you for all the work you are doing at work and at home. I know its hard to keep up with it all, and hard to hear comments like that from your hd...but it does sound like you need help...and us women are soometiimes hard for us to ask for help...we want to do it all ...and its ok to ask. You should have a talk and let him know you want help with things. Sit together and come up with a plan that works for both of you. And don't be too upset because your job situation is  different from his, and that he has more time. It is what it is, but you can make it work better for you both. If things were working the way you want them to, what would that look like to you? What would you do? What do you want him to do? talk, and make a plan...work it out! Things can be a lot better then! Good luck...HUGS

Medusa686
by Bronze Member on Apr. 21, 2013 at 6:56 PM

Why marry a grown man who is so into gaming ?  You must've know that he was not going to change ??

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