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Working Moms Working Moms

Where's my cape?!

Posted by on Apr. 27, 2013 at 9:42 AM
  • 7 Replies

Every morning my 3 year old son says "you going to work?" and I always reply with my exaggerated yes. Like most of our conversations go, he follows my answer with a "why?". Although my creative answers make him happy I feel like I am constantly asking myself this same question. Why do I go to work everyday and allow someone else to take care of my children? Why do I volunteer for the extra hours or the overtime? Why does it feel like I am working my time away?!?!

Hi everyone! I am the office manager at a trucking company in Delaware, OH. I love my job and enjoy the people that I work with, we have alot of fun together. I work about 60 hours/6 days a week. I am learning pretty quickly what it means to be Super Mommy! The moment that my feet hit the floor in the morning, I am non-stop. My boys usually wake around the same time too so imagine this..... mommy in front, two little boys wanting mommy's cuddles, AND two dogs following me around waiting to go out and get a treat. I refer to this as the morning circus train! Usually we all end up in the chair, dogs and all, so that we can all cuddle for about 20 minutes. Then its time for Daddy-o to get up and take over so I can throw on some clothes and rush out the door just in time.

BC, the time I refer to as Before Children, my clothes had to be perfect, my hair had to be perfect, EVERYTHING had to be perfect. Now I am lucky to get out the door fully dressed with matching shoes. Now when I get to work its a game to guess the mystery "stuff" dried on my shirt sleeve, or identify the "goo" stuck in my curls. My socks never match, I rarely wear make-up, and my long curls usually get stuffed into a messy bun while I am running out the door.

Soooo....... I feel like it's my turn to ask "why?" I know the obvious reasons; money, food, shelter, diapers, and more diapers. But I guess I need some encouragement..... is it ok to be away from them, is it ok to volunteer for the saturday hours because I know that the extra $ will allow us to go to the zoo or walk to the dairy queen for ice cream on a sunday afternoon? Will it affect them when they are older, even though I feel like I am doing it for them? What does it say about me as a mom?

 

by on Apr. 27, 2013 at 9:42 AM
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Replies (1-7):
heathermarie23
by Member on Apr. 27, 2013 at 9:48 AM

I feel the same way... my 5 year old and I discuss it everyday (and have since he was 2), my job is to go to work and his is to go to preschool.  I just accept it as something I have to do.

amonkeymom
by Member on Apr. 27, 2013 at 3:10 PM

Sometimes I think we have to pick our battles and work, but sometimes I think it's good to spend time with the kiddos and do things that they enjoy.  

It's really your choice... is the extra money building good memories for your kids?  Are they going to remember the fun times or will they look back on their childhood and wonder why mommy was always working?  

I guess if you're able to work this many hours and still spend good quality time with your kids, then you're doing well. :)

cjsmom1
by Platinum Member on Apr. 27, 2013 at 9:15 PM

We work because it's what we need to do to suport our kids. Try to make the time home with them fun. Some mornings I'll get up a little early to make ds a special breakfast or I'll take a day off just to spend with him.

Marti123
by Platinum Member on Apr. 27, 2013 at 11:23 PM
Hi, welcome to the group!

There are many ways to raise successful children (and dare I say just as many ways, I am sure, to assure they need counseling later, haha!) There are so many dynamic factors that figure into the equation of success, such a mother's stamina and personality, children's temperaments, daycare situation, other support from spouse and family, finances, etc. And we can come here with our manic emotions of joy, happiness or our fatigue and exhaustion, or even our guilt and doubt, and gather wonderful support from other WOHM, & see we are not alone. Thousands and thousands of families function like this. But in the end, I think each of us, and as the mother only we can know if it is the right decision for our family at that time. And as with all decisions in life, you just gotta roll with it.

I believe my children have wonderful memories of childhood despite my work hours. I believe children have been raised in communities and extended families for centuries, and adapted quite well. I am not sure when in the 1950's, the concept of such dedicated extreme amounts 1on1 time at home with your child was deemed the ONLY way to raise a child, but I don't buy it. I believe it is ONE way but certainly not the only way. There are observational studies that showed increased socioeconomic class or essentially higher household income is of benefit to the child. You have not mentioned if your children stays home with their father or they go to a daycare like environment, but I believe daycare, despite all the naysayers, has been a wonderful experience for my boys. I feel my 5 yo will excel in a traditional classroom environment.

So your post to me says, you are a typical working outside the home mom. We all balance the busy schedule, the guilt, the feelings of inadequacy. But in the end we do the BEST we can for our families!
Nighttiger
by Ashley on Apr. 27, 2013 at 11:34 PM

This. I couldn't have said it better. We all have to find that balance, wherever it may be. For me, I dedicate my Saturday mornings to DS. No matter what, he gets me 1 on 1 on Saturdays for some activity. Usually its sports. Today we took a break from sports and went to story time at the library. Next week it will be the Home Depots children workshop. I truly feel that quality matters so much more than quantity and others have the ability to have a positive influence on my kids just as much as I do. We were careful when we picked our daycare and I know he is taken care of and loved there, and I have seen the direct effects of interpersonal skill development from going. 

Pick your battles. We can't do everything...none of us. Just breathe, do your best and remember, you are not a bad parent! If you kids are loved and taken care of, they are doing better than a lot of other kids out there...even with SAH parents.

Quoting Marti123:

Hi, welcome to the group!

There are many ways to raise successful children (and dare I say just as many ways, I am sure, to assure they need counseling later, haha!) There are so many dynamic factors that figure into the equation of success, such a mother's stamina and personality, children's temperaments, daycare situation, other support from spouse and family, finances, etc. And we can come here with our manic emotions of joy, happiness or our fatigue and exhaustion, or even our guilt and doubt, and gather wonderful support from other WOHM, & see we are not alone. Thousands and thousands of families function like this. But in the end, I think each of us, and as the mother only we can know if it is the right decision for our family at that time. And as with all decisions in life, you just gotta roll with it.

I believe my children have wonderful memories of childhood despite my work hours. I believe children have been raised in communities and extended families for centuries, and adapted quite well. I am not sure when in the 1950's, the concept of such dedicated extreme amounts 1on1 time at home with your child was deemed the ONLY way to raise a child, but I don't buy it. I believe it is ONE way but certainly not the only way. There are observational studies that showed increased socioeconomic class or essentially higher household income is of benefit to the child. You have not mentioned if your children stays home with their father or they go to a daycare like environment, but I believe daycare, despite all the naysayers, has been a wonderful experience for my boys. I feel my 5 yo will excel in a traditional classroom environment.

So your post to me says, you are a typical working outside the home mom. We all balance the busy schedule, the guilt, the feelings of inadequacy. But in the end we do the BEST we can for our families!


ninamsi
by Bronze Member on Apr. 28, 2013 at 8:26 PM
All mothers feel some guilt whether they are aSAHM or work outside of the home. There are never hours of the day or enough money. Love your family and everything will work out.
paytonleximomma
by Member on Apr. 29, 2013 at 9:43 AM

I use to feel the same way.  When my kids where younger they would always ask "why do you have to go to work mommy".   I would feel so horrible.  However, they are now 7 and 11 and they understand why I work and the hours I work.  They would still prefer me home but they understand the importance of me having a job and their dad having a job.  For you question about it affecting them when they are older, no it will not affect them.  It didnt affect me as a child either way, my dad worked crazy hours and my mom went from working nights to not working at all for about 15 yrs to going back to work again.  I would love to be a SAHM however, I need my independence with working and interacting with people everyday.  And believe it or not when your kids are older someday they are not going to remember you working they are going to remember all the fun times they had with you like going to a zoo or for walks or whatever it is.  My kids are only 7 and 11 but they always refer to hey remember last year when we did this or we did that.  Dont be to hard on yourself.

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