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I want to quit my job & dh wants me to suck it up

Posted by on May. 12, 2013 at 9:18 PM
  • 22 Replies
I work in retail as a receiving lead. Previously known as the Receiving Manager but the position. was downgraded when corporate decided not to waste salary paid managers in the warehouse. To them it was unnecessary. It's physically & mentally stressful & even my store manager has told me I don't make enough for all that my job entails. He said this when he gave me my last raise.

It isn't my actual job that I can't stand, it is the people & environment that they create there that I can't handle. Managers are constantly treating me like dirt, yelling & cussing me out in front of coworkers & customers.

Now I want to clarify that I am good at my job. I have corporate digging for my opinions on how to make workflow more accessible to increase productivity at other stores since I've increased mine by over 20% of their corporate standards.

I'm not getting treated badly at work because of incompetence. I'm getting treated this way because the managers feel entitled to take their bad days out on me as a person of lower value. That and because they get away with it.

I had plans to speak with the store manager & general operations manager about the way I've been treated but I honestly fear that they won't care. We don't have an hr dept in our location and the woman who runs hr visits very rarely. The hostile treatment spreads up so far up the chain of command I fear there is no one to confide in.

Therefore, I feel I need to part ways with this company. I'm obviously not cut out for this environment & I can't handle the stress it causes. I asked my dh what he would do & he said to be blunt he wouldn't let it bother him.

& Yes, I am looking elsewhere, but I haven't found anything. I want to quit so badly, but I don't feel that I can without my dh's support in doing so.
by on May. 12, 2013 at 9:18 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Nighttiger
by Ashley on May. 12, 2013 at 10:27 PM
1 mom liked this

Thats tough. I just left a place where I had terrible management and was underpaid for my work. However, I ended up landing a better job before moving and had DH's support. DH was also stressed he was sending me to a place like that every day, but it was our only steady income. Why is your DH against you leaving? Can you show him ways you can save money if you do leave (coupons, cutting unnecessary bills, loss of daycare costs, etc)? What about finding ways to work from home? 

deccaf
by Platinum Member on May. 12, 2013 at 10:32 PM
1 mom liked this

In this job market, I wouldn't quit one job without having something else lined up.  Unless your budget can handle a few months or more of one income.

roxiekittie
by on May. 12, 2013 at 11:04 PM

ur not happy, but ur husband wants you to stay, that sucks.. i work in retail to and i just put in my 2 weeks i cant stand it, i swear retail is just idk horrible

BabyRuca
by on May. 12, 2013 at 11:15 PM
We're not in the right financial place for me to just up and quit. Which is why I've been looking for a couple months now. So I can line up a job before I leave this one. It's just been so hard when every day makes me more and more depressed. Like I told dh, I can consider a good day at work as one where I wasn't brought to tears. It seems like an every day thing. It would be different if I were being treated badly because I wasn't performing my job right, but that certainly isn't the case. We might be able to go a couple weeks between jobs, but who's to say how long it might take to find something. BTW we live in the boondocks too, I currently drive over 85 miles a day for work & that's semi-close. After gas and daycare I'm only bringing home a couple hundred dollars which makes it seem almost not even worth it. But then that's the grocery money...


Quoting Nighttiger:

Thats tough. I just left a place where I had terrible management and was underpaid for my work. However, I ended up landing a better job before moving and had DH's support. DH was also stressed he was sending me to a place like that every day, but it was our only steady income. Why is your DH against you leaving? Can you show him ways you can save money if you do leave (coupons, cutting unnecessary bills, loss of daycare costs, etc)? What about finding ways to work from home? 


Marti123
by Platinum Member on May. 13, 2013 at 12:55 AM
1 mom liked this
Couple hundred dollars a week? Or month? Re-look at the budget, see if you truly can manage?

And if you can't get out, develop plan B--I have been verbally and emotionally "assaulted" at a previous job, and this may not apply to you, but in case it does.....here was my story. I am a people pleaser, and work very hard, and it was devastating to be berated. I do not think quickly enough on my feet to response and defend myself in seconds when so emotionally wounded. I would talk to my SO who would coach me on responses, I would practice them, and next time he came at me, I could communicate in a manner that would at least stun them, maybe shut him down for a day or two? I distanced self-worth & loyalty from the job, worked on my coping skills, and kept looking. It helped, I survived.

What do you say to these a-holes, I hope at least a big fat & very loud, "excuse me, are you yelling at me as my superior, for something out of my control, that behavior so unprofessional." HR or not, I'd be very squeaky wheel. They are making you miserable, anything I could do to professionally return the favor to curb their behavior, well, I'd do it............incident reports, extra paperwork, request meetings to discuss their behavior or even your performance, ANY CONSEQUENCE that might deter them from yelling and screaming as long as I didn't burn all my bridges, in case I need them for a reference.

Good luck it's a tough place to be, I hope you find something soon.
BabyRuca
by on May. 13, 2013 at 7:50 AM
A couple hundred a month...

The way you described your situation seriously hit home with me. I feel the need to please everyone at work & I do everything I can do my job well & help out in all different depts of the store whenever I can. I can't ever speak up BC I'm lost when they're yelling at me. Friday I did try to explain what happened with the manager yelling at me. But he continued to yell over me the entire time.

I can't bring myself to yell back, I'm just not that type of person. I'm quite, I hate confrontation, I want to stick up for myself but honestly I believe they've put me down so badly I don't even know if anything I say will make them understand. I was told last week by a manager that another manager told her she likes to treat me badly because she knows I'll cry. So when she's having a bad day she knows she can make mine worse.


Quoting Marti123:Couple hundred dollars a week? Or month? Re-look at the budget, see if you truly can manage?

And if you can't get out, develop plan B--I have been verbally and emotionally "assaulted" at a previous job, and this may not apply to you, but in case it does.....here was my story. I am a people pleaser, and work very hard, and it was devastating to be berated. I do not think quickly enough on my feet to response and defend myself in seconds when so emotionally wounded. I would talk to my SO who would coach me on responses, I would practice them, and next time he came at me, I could communicate in a manner that would at least stun them, maybe shut him down for a day or two? I distanced self-worth & loyalty from the job, worked on my coping skills, and kept looking. It helped, I survived.

What do you say to these a-holes, I hope at least a big fat & very loud, "excuse me, are you yelling at me as my superior, for something out of my control, that behavior so unprofessional." HR or not, I'd be very squeaky wheel. They are making you miserable, anything I could do to professionally return the favor to curb their behavior, well, I'd do it............incident reports, extra paperwork, request meetings to discuss their behavior or even your performance, ANY CONSEQUENCE that might deter them from yelling and screaming as long as I didn't burn all my bridges, in case I need them for a reference.

Good luck it's a tough place to be, I hope you find something soon.
cjsmom1
by Platinum Member on May. 13, 2013 at 8:49 AM
You need to speak to the general managers and tell them what's going on. You should also call hr and let them know what's going on. You won't know if it'll help until you talk to them.

If you make so little and really want to quit see where you can cut cost. Eliminate everything that's not a necessity, cut coupons, shop sales, yard sale.
leahbeah143
by Leah on May. 13, 2013 at 10:30 AM

 can you make a call to the HR person?

We have had similar issues at my work. A few people have gone to management, but nothing was done. It left a bad taste in a lot of peoples mouths and people have lost faith in the company. It's sad.

Medusa686
by Bronze Member on May. 13, 2013 at 11:56 AM

I work as a HR manager and in my opinion if you are not happy then you should leave. You will get another job.  Don't listen to people who tell you to stick it out. They have no clue what you are going through each day.  The job market is not as bad as people make it seem.  I am in central NJ and we have people decline our job offers and take others.  The unemployment rate in my area is 2.5% so people are employed and can be choosy what they want. When one door closes another will open. I went through hell on a job back in 2008 and listened to a friend who told me to stick it out. Worse advice ever. Made me miserable those last few months. Never again. Do what is best for your sanity. 

Marti123
by Platinum Member on May. 13, 2013 at 12:01 PM
No, whoaaaaaaa, stop right there, there is NO yelling or even explaining from you, when they do this. Never stoop to their level, you stay professional. When they start yelling, you non-verbal, get in a position to look in there eyes and repeat sternly, seriously, "I will NOT be treated like this." And walk away, and if they lay one finger or arm on you to stop you, decide if you can still get a job without them as reference, because I would literally call the cops and file assault charges. If they pause for a moment, the only other thing I would say, "if you want to discuss things after you can control your tone and language, please grab another manager and find me, until then STOP verbally assaulting me." End of story, rehearse it over and over, say it loudly firmly. You hate them, you are almost quitting, enough of the tears, , turn off you "give a damn" and practice growing a backbone, it's never too late, trust me, been there!

And if you haven't write down every single word and instance that is occurring, because you may ned it in an unemployment hearing, if you start this battle. Good luck.


Quoting BabyRuca:

A couple hundred a month...



The way you described your situation seriously hit home with me. I feel the need to please everyone at work & I do everything I can do my job well & help out in all different depts of the store whenever I can. I can't ever speak up BC I'm lost when they're yelling at me. Friday I did try to explain what happened with the manager yelling at me. But he continued to yell over me the entire time.



I can't bring myself to yell back, I'm just not that type of person. I'm quite, I hate confrontation, I want to stick up for myself but honestly I believe they've put me down so badly I don't even know if anything I say will make them understand. I was told last week by a manager that another manager told her she likes to treat me badly because she knows I'll cry. So when she's having a bad day she knows she can make mine worse.





Quoting Marti123:Couple hundred dollars a week? Or month? Re-look at the budget, see if you truly can manage?



And if you can't get out, develop plan B--I have been verbally and emotionally "assaulted" at a previous job, and this may not apply to you, but in case it does.....here was my story. I am a people pleaser, and work very hard, and it was devastating to be berated. I do not think quickly enough on my feet to response and defend myself in seconds when so emotionally wounded. I would talk to my SO who would coach me on responses, I would practice them, and next time he came at me, I could communicate in a manner that would at least stun them, maybe shut him down for a day or two? I distanced self-worth & loyalty from the job, worked on my coping skills, and kept looking. It helped, I survived.



What do you say to these a-holes, I hope at least a big fat & very loud, "excuse me, are you yelling at me as my superior, for something out of my control, that behavior so unprofessional." HR or not, I'd be very squeaky wheel. They are making you miserable, anything I could do to professionally return the favor to curb their behavior, well, I'd do it............incident reports, extra paperwork, request meetings to discuss their behavior or even your performance, ANY CONSEQUENCE that might deter them from yelling and screaming as long as I didn't burn all my bridges, in case I need them for a reference.



Good luck it's a tough place to be, I hope you find something soon.


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