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How to get over not being good at meeting new people? (I don't know if I am asking it correctly)

Posted by on Sep. 11, 2013 at 5:08 PM
  • 10 Replies

We moved earlier this month, so we are in a new neighborhood and a new school. My kids really need to make friends and have play-dates. But I am HORRIBLE about talking to people I do not know, I am not naturally outgoing at all (once I get to know you, there is no stopping me). 

Is this something I can learn to get over, I think I make everyone uncomfortable b/c I am awkward. 

by on Sep. 11, 2013 at 5:08 PM
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Replies (1-10):
the3Rs
by Platinum Member on Sep. 11, 2013 at 6:23 PM
I wish I had advice, but I'm the same way. We've lived here for 10 years & I have no friends.

Fortunately, our kids are the opposite & easily make friends.
rissarin
by Gold Member on Sep. 11, 2013 at 7:33 PM
Hey, I'm the same as you. I'm extremely awkward at small talk and would much rather avoid the beginning part of any friendship. Haha.

Maybe the park? School activities/events? I live in a small town so maybe that's easier here than there, depending on.
cjsmom1
by Platinum Member on Sep. 11, 2013 at 9:02 PM

I'm the same as you. I've been here for two years and have no friends. Do they play sports? Local events? Library events?

leahbeah143
by Leah on Sep. 11, 2013 at 9:09 PM
2 moms liked this

I am the same way! DD's swim team is having a parents night out dinner on Saturday and I am SUPER nervous about going because I don't know anybody except the coach. 

I wish a lot that I lived closer to some of the ladies in here because I think we'd get along!

Marti123
by Platinum Member on Sep. 12, 2013 at 12:04 AM
Start with just smiling a lot and then greeting lots of parents. After that feels better, pick out which children and parents you want to be-friend. Identify why and then schmooze, "oh I notice your daughter is great at .......... Have you had her in lessons?" Have a long list of mental questions to engage the parent. At the end, if things go well, just say, if you haven't already, it's been great talking to you, and we recently moved, I would love for our children to get together, do you mind if I put your name and number in my cell?

I ask about the families preferred child care? Nannies? How they found them, because my kids are younger. At soccer, I comment on how talented or how hard the child tries, or sometimes just how cute the child is, think if topics that would make you smile if someone approached you about them......

Just practice......look at all the moms on here that say they feel awkward. Most of us are shy, but over-all very nice. Good luck!
trfgirl56701
by Melissa on Sep. 12, 2013 at 9:20 AM

I'm the same way. The only reason I'm comfortable talking to one of my neighbors is because they have a little girl that is a couple months younger than DS. 

aKaRoz
by Member on Sep. 12, 2013 at 12:30 PM

 How do you "learn to get over" who you are?  From the other Moms, I hope you can see you are not alone, and there is nothing to fix.  I have lived in the same place for 20 years and my daughter is 16yrs old.  I  have NO close neighbor friends, and am not social with my daughters schoolmate parents or sports friends, I do communicate with  her coaches.  Most people are surprised that I am as "reserved" as I am because I am social when I need to be, many years of practice. 

Your kids will make friends on their own with classmates and activities.  No you don't have to be the soccer mom and be involved in everything, the right things will come your way.  My daughter has NEVER had a sleep over with her friends until last year and it was a teammate and I got to know the mom (her daughter graduated last year so we don't keep in touch)

I do have a question,  would you consider yourself to be an introvert?  I am, and find that fitting into an extroverts world can be challenging.


Quoting Bubbie0809:

We moved earlier this month, so we are in a new neighborhood and a new school. My kids really need to make friends and have play-dates. But I am HORRIBLE about talking to people I do not know, I am not naturally outgoing at all (once I get to know you, there is no stopping me). 

Is this something I can learn to get over, I think I make everyone uncomfortable b/c I am awkward. 


 

Bubbie0809
by Gold Member on Sep. 12, 2013 at 3:47 PM


Quoting aKaRoz:

 How do you "learn to get over" who you are?  From the other Moms, I hope you can see you are not alone, and there is nothing to fix.  I have lived in the same place for 20 years and my daughter is 16yrs old.  I  have NO close neighbor friends, and am not social with my daughters schoolmate parents or sports friends, I do communicate with  her coaches.  Most people are surprised that I am as "reserved" as I am because I am social when I need to be, many years of practice. 

Your kids will make friends on their own with classmates and activities.  No you don't have to be the soccer mom and be involved in everything, the right things will come your way.  My daughter has NEVER had a sleep over with her friends until last year and it was a teammate and I got to know the mom (her daughter graduated last year so we don't keep in touch)

I do have a question,  would you consider yourself to be an introvert?  I am, and find that fitting into an extroverts world can be challenging.


Quoting Bubbie0809:

We moved earlier this month, so we are in a new neighborhood and a new school. My kids really need to make friends and have play-dates. But I am HORRIBLE about talking to people I do not know, I am not naturally outgoing at all (once I get to know you, there is no stopping me). 

Is this something I can learn to get over, I think I make everyone uncomfortable b/c I am awkward. 



This made me think, I never really considered myself an introvert. But when I look up some characteristics of an introvert, maybe I am.  Which surprises me because I can be quite loud and obnoxious at times, but it is only in situations where I am 100% comfortable. 

I can turn on the jokester or whatever, but it isn't really me. Maybe I am thinking to much about trying to be more than I am. My kids can and probably will make their own friends, in time. I just feel bad because we left a neighborhood where all the kids were over our house, to not knowing anyone. 

Nighttiger
by Ashley on Sep. 12, 2013 at 4:19 PM
Honestly, practice. I used to struggle holding a conversation . I forced myself into positions of meeting new people over and over again. Now I have no issues with it. People are suprised I'm very much an introvert. With that said, I have very few close friends because I have limited time and I'm very selective with who I spend that time with
aKaRoz
by Member on Sep. 12, 2013 at 6:38 PM

 Good Luck in being a new neighbor! I am confident all will work out :)  As for the introvert subject.  I have never thought of the world as so black or white before, introvert vs extrovert and lately (seemingly) in my world there have been sprinkles of information and articles on "introverts" so I started following the threads and references.  I have recently began reading a book called, "The Introvert Advantage" by Marti Olsen Laney.  I saw it referenced, looked up the reviews online, bought the iBook and now have the paperback as well :)  I think it is a great read for ALL, introverts so we can better identify that we are "okay" with who we are, actually we are far better than okay, we are F***ing AWESOME! and the book would help extroverts better understand that the world is not all about them (hahaha! good luck with that).  but none the less it is interesting as you read to see that many introverts have extrovert characteristics, we have learned to adapt.  It is behind the scenes that the majority of difference take place.  If you read the book, would love to get your feedback :)  Take Care and Be Well ~

you rock


Quoting Bubbie0809:


Quoting aKaRoz:

 How do you "learn to get over" who you are?  From the other Moms, I hope you can see you are not alone, and there is nothing to fix.  I have lived in the same place for 20 years and my daughter is 16yrs old.  I  have NO close neighbor friends, and am not social with my daughters schoolmate parents or sports friends, I do communicate with  her coaches.  Most people are surprised that I am as "reserved" as I am because I am social when I need to be, many years of practice. 

Your kids will make friends on their own with classmates and activities.  No you don't have to be the soccer mom and be involved in everything, the right things will come your way.  My daughter has NEVER had a sleep over with her friends until last year and it was a teammate and I got to know the mom (her daughter graduated last year so we don't keep in touch)

I do have a question,  would you consider yourself to be an introvert?  I am, and find that fitting into an extroverts world can be challenging.

 

Quoting Bubbie0809:

We moved earlier this month, so we are in a new neighborhood and a new school. My kids really need to make friends and have play-dates. But I am HORRIBLE about talking to people I do not know, I am not naturally outgoing at all (once I get to know you, there is no stopping me). 

Is this something I can learn to get over, I think I make everyone uncomfortable b/c I am awkward. 

 

 

This made me think, I never really considered myself an introvert. But when I look up some characteristics of an introvert, maybe I am.  Which surprises me because I can be quite loud and obnoxious at times, but it is only in situations where I am 100% comfortable. 

I can turn on the jokester or whatever, but it isn't really me. Maybe I am thinking to much about trying to be more than I am. My kids can and probably will make their own friends, in time. I just feel bad because we left a neighborhood where all the kids were over our house, to not knowing anyone. 


 

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