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Daycare providers-I have a question for you.

Posted by on Sep. 16, 2013 at 12:45 PM
  • 13 Replies

DH picked Steph up on Friday.  She was sitting down, and when she saw him, said "Daddy, I went poo."  She was wet and poopy (runny, so ALL over).  We have no idea how long she was sitting like that, but she never does both at once, unless this is a new thing for her.  The worker started changing her in front of all the kids, which there were a LOT.  She said, according to DH "Do you smell that?  You don't like that smell, do you? It's stinky."  So all the kids had gathered around and were now saying "Ewww, stinky".  DH gets what she was doing, but Steph is kind of sensitive, and she felt pretty bad about it. 

So, I wanted to go to the director this morning to let her know we weren't happy with how it was handled.  DH wants me to wait until I pick her up and talk to the teacher.  If the worker was there this morning, I would have spoken to her then, but she isn't there for a couple hours after DD is dropped off.  I want to get this handled as soon as I can so Steph doesn't feel shamed for an accident, which ended up being a quick bug that made her sick, not just an accident.  Which way would have been the best to have handled it?

It turned out to be a non-issue as the director was not there this morning.  She is taking a day off (well-deserved, I'm sure).

by on Sep. 16, 2013 at 12:45 PM
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Replies (1-10):
mickstinator
by on Sep. 16, 2013 at 1:02 PM

I think I know you well enough to not doubt your ability to handle this appropriately and respectfully. This is definitely one of those awkward situations that boil down to a difference in style between a parent and teacher. 

I would definitely say something, though. My son was publicly (in front of his class) shamed for a similar thing when he was 4. He couldn't unbutton his pants, had an accident, and his teacher told him he shouldn't wear pants with buttons to school if he can't undo them. He is still mortified of wearing buttons to school because of it, despite reassurance from me and his current teacher that he will be helped if he needs it. You definitely don't want that sort of treatment to slide and risk it affecting her long term. : (

deccaf
by Platinum Member on Sep. 16, 2013 at 1:10 PM

If you saw the director most mornings, and didn't see the teacher until pickup, would you talk to the director first or wait to talk to the teacher? 


Quoting mickstinator:

I think I know you well enough to not doubt your ability to handle this appropriately and respectfully. This is definitely one of those awkward situations that boil down to a difference in style between a parent and teacher. 

I would definitely say something, though. My son was publicly (in front of his class) shamed for a similar thing when he was 4. He couldn't unbutton his pants, had an accident, and his teacher told him he shouldn't wear pants with buttons to school if he can't undo them. He is still mortified of wearing buttons to school because of it, despite reassurance from me and his current teacher that he will be helped if he needs it. You definitely don't want that sort of treatment to slide and risk it affecting her long term. : (


 

mickstinator
by on Sep. 16, 2013 at 1:12 PM

I spoke to the director because I didn't even always see the teacher at pick-up. I would have talked to the teacher if I had an opportunity, but it was probably for the best as I was pretty upset and I already did not like the teacher. I was also told by my son that she did a similar thing to another student, so I thought it was best to be presented to the director. I was very polite with her and she spoke with the teacher immediately. 

Quoting deccaf:

If you saw the director most mornings, and didn't see the teacher until pickup, would you talk to the director first or wait to talk to the teacher? 


Quoting mickstinator:

I think I know you well enough to not doubt your ability to handle this appropriately and respectfully. This is definitely one of those awkward situations that boil down to a difference in style between a parent and teacher. 

I would definitely say something, though. My son was publicly (in front of his class) shamed for a similar thing when he was 4. He couldn't unbutton his pants, had an accident, and his teacher told him he shouldn't wear pants with buttons to school if he can't undo them. He is still mortified of wearing buttons to school because of it, despite reassurance from me and his current teacher that he will be helped if he needs it. You definitely don't want that sort of treatment to slide and risk it affecting her long term. : (




12crazykids
by Member on Sep. 16, 2013 at 1:24 PM

 How old is your daughter?

I am a licensed child care provider.  ANY activity that shames and/or humiliates a child is not allowed nor considered developmentally appropriate.

I'd definitely have a talk with the director about this.  Plus, why is she (your daughter) being changed where other children can view the process?  I would think that she deserves some privacy and calling the other kids to gather round to smell her is absolutely NOT okay.  I'd be really upset as a parent.

When talking to the director, I'd ask what disciplinary actions the center will be taking with this teacher/worker.

I am angry FOR you that something like that happened.

Nighttiger
by Ashley on Sep. 16, 2013 at 1:29 PM
Good luck. We dont use a center so any issues we have go directly to the provider. I would probably talk to the director though just to make sure its corrected for all kids. I dont know a single kid public shaming like that would work for
deccaf
by Platinum Member on Sep. 16, 2013 at 1:34 PM

She is 3.  I don't think the teacher intentionally was shaming her.  It wasn't in the tone of voice, just the words.  But DD is sensitive.  The kids weren't gathered by the teacher, they wandered on their own, but I think a bathroom is a more appropriate place for something like that.
The thing is, this teacher is great.  DD loves her, and was still excited to see her today.  So maybe she had a really bad day or something, but DH was NOT happy with what he saw.  To the point that he wants me to start looking at other daycares in case we don't like the resolution here. 


Quoting 12crazykids:

 How old is your daughter?

I am a licensed child care provider.  ANY activity that shames and/or humiliates a child is not allowed nor considered developmentally appropriate.

I'd definitely have a talk with the director about this.  Plus, why is she (your daughter) being changed where other children can view the process?  I would think that she deserves some privacy and calling the other kids to gather round to smell her is absolutely NOT okay.  I'd be really upset as a parent.

When talking to the director, I'd ask what disciplinary actions the center will be taking with this teacher/worker.

I am angry FOR you that something like that happened.


 

leahbeah143
by Leah on Sep. 16, 2013 at 1:37 PM

 

Quoting 12crazykids:

I'd definitely have a talk with the director about this.  Plus, why is she (your daughter) being changed where other children can view the process?  I would think that she deserves some privacy and calling the other kids to gather round to smell her is absolutely NOT okay.  I'd be really upset as a parent.

 yeah I would have huge issues with the fact that the teacher couldn't be bothered to take her somewhere else to change her!

the3Rs
by Platinum Member on Sep. 16, 2013 at 1:47 PM
That is so sad. I would think talking to the teacher first would be prudent, but I know whichever way you go you'll handle it well.

Side story - my oldest son was at a daycare center. When he was 4 years old, he had to go to the bathroom. Unfortunately, he was a bit constipated. While he was in there, they decided to have a fire drill. They LEFT my son in the bathroom & all went outside - he was left all alone - alarms blaring (his 1st ever fire drill) - stuck on the toilet.

I found out when I picked him up. He was so upset & the teacher blamed HIM for being in the bathroom! I went straight to the director & demanded the teacher be written up & apologize to my son. She went one better & fired the teacher, but I still removed my son from the center.


Liastele
by on Sep. 16, 2013 at 1:54 PM

In  most daycares, the teacher cannot change a child in private. The law usually says the daycare lady has to be in the room with the kids at all times. The daycare we used didn't even have doors in the kid's bathroom because they couldn't have kids "alone in a different room" by state law. 

That said, there was no reason for a child to be sitting in poop. I have seen red before during pick up when the first words out of my DD's mouth was "Momma, I'm poopy"  ... just makes me mad to think of a child that can speak being ignored. I would throw a fit and ask them to watch my child better and not make a spectacle of my child's bathroom needs.

I get it, the "teacher" is usually some teen that thinks kids are cute and qualifies to be a "teacher" because she has 30+ hours of college credits. I have a bachelors in business, but I have over 30 hours of gen eds that could be applied to a ECE degree, so by my state's laws I would be qualified to be a head teacher with my 0 hours of childhood enrichment. The director needs to teach her "teachers" to at least pretend to care for the price we pay.

12crazykids
by Member on Sep. 16, 2013 at 2:25 PM

 I am required to change all children in private on a changng table.  I do not have to have the children in my direct line of vision only within sight OR sound.

Plus, the OP is talking about a center and in centers, they hire the appropriate amount of staff to manage the number of kids in attendance for those reasons.

Center rules are by far MUCH stricter than family child cares.

 

OP~  I think you need to still atleast mention this to the director and let her know yours and your DH thoughts/feelings about this.

I prefer that parents come to me with issues BEFORE they become so big that I need to term or the family starts looking elsewhere.  Communication is the key and I let ALL my families know that anything they feel is an issue is a big enough reason to have a chat with me.  It's YOUR child, but the center (or famiuly daycare) is partnering with you to do whats in the best interest of your child. so working together so BOTH parties are happy should be everyone's goal.

Quoting Liastele:

In  most daycares, the teacher cannot change a child in private. The law usually says the daycare lady has to be in the room with the kids at all times. The daycare we used didn't even have doors in the kid's bathroom because they couldn't have kids "alone in a different room" by state law. 

That said, there was no reason for a child to be sitting in poop. I have seen red before during pick up when the first words out of my DD's mouth was "Momma, I'm poopy"  ... just makes me mad to think of a child that can speak being ignored. I would throw a fit and ask them to watch my child better and not make a spectacle of my child's bathroom needs.

I get it, the "teacher" is usually some teen that thinks kids are cute and qualifies to be a "teacher" because she has 30+ hours of college credits. I have a bachelors in business, but I have over 30 hours of gen eds that could be applied to a ECE degree, so by my state's laws I would be qualified to be a head teacher with my 0 hours of childhood enrichment. The director needs to teach her "teachers" to at least pretend to care for the price we pay.

 

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