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Cheating SO HELP!!! Need advice!

Posted by on Oct. 17, 2013 at 12:36 PM
  • 23 Replies

Alright ladies here it is.....I have had problems in the past with my SO getting/wanting attention from other women. In the past I have found text messages and facebook messages from him and other women being flirty and unneccessary talk from a man in a relationship. I got a weird feeling last night and in the middle of the night went through his phone and there it was another text from a female and him talking about how beautiful she is and how much he cant stand me. It hasnt happened in awhile and I THOUGHT everything was going good. But apparently not. I dont want him to know I went through his phone but I want him to know that I know what he did. I dont know what to do but its eating me alive walking around and knowing he has been tellling a girl how pretty she is, how he use to have a crush on her, and that he cant even stand me. What do I do? I need him to know and Im sure theres no way of telling him unless I tell him I broke his trust and went through his phone again. Please help. Im hurting AGAIN!

by on Oct. 17, 2013 at 12:36 PM
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Replies (1-10):
ablox
by Aisha on Oct. 17, 2013 at 12:41 PM
1 mom liked this

Girl you are a better person than me. I would have proceed to chuck that phone at his head. (Now back to the more rational side of me.) You should tell him that your feeling like something has changed and see what he says. If he doesnt fess up I would just tell him what I saw. (I would have been the one to text that heffa back by the way) [Men can be very confusing sometimes.] But you seriously need to get it out because you dont want to let it drive you crazy.  

deccaf
by Platinum Member on Oct. 17, 2013 at 12:42 PM
5 moms liked this

I don't see how breaking his trust is a big issue right now.  HE broke your trust.  Unless there is an agreement to not go through his phone, you broke nothing.  DH and I have no problem getting on each others phones.  If there were nothing to hide, it wouldn't be a problem.  Especially with his history, I would say you have every right. 
In my opinion, if this is a repeat offense, it's time to leave or at least seriously consider it.  But I left my first DH after the first time I found out.  Cheating is not something I would put up with, and is one of my deal breakers.

amandamom1266
by New Member on Oct. 17, 2013 at 12:47 PM

Yeah chucking the phone at his fat head is of course what I would LOVE to do or something worse but I am trying to be rational. I think its time to go. I agree that sitting down and telling him something has changed would work but the thing is nothing has changed except things have gotten better between us. I am so sick of men doing stupid shit for attention from females. He in the past has told me that he has mommy issues and thats why he does what he does. SCREW THAT!! Heres a thought. What if I was to pull her facebook page up and leave it on my screen so he at least knows I know about her. Does that sound dumb?

deccaf
by Platinum Member on Oct. 17, 2013 at 12:54 PM

I think being honest and up-front is the way to go.  Men need things to be direct, they don't always get subtlety.   


Quoting amandamom1266:

Yeah chucking the phone at his fat head is of course what I would LOVE to do or something worse but I am trying to be rational. I think its time to go. I agree that sitting down and telling him something has changed would work but the thing is nothing has changed except things have gotten better between us. I am so sick of men doing stupid shit for attention from females. He in the past has told me that he has mommy issues and thats why he does what he does. SCREW THAT!! Heres a thought. What if I was to pull her facebook page up and leave it on my screen so he at least knows I know about her. Does that sound dumb?


 

christyg
by on Oct. 17, 2013 at 12:54 PM

I don't understand why you are worried about him getting angry with you. Pack his crap and put it on the front porch...problem solved! Or pack up yours if you can't make him leave and go stay with friends/family for now. You don't need to stay with someone who doesn't want to be with you. 

M4LG5
by Valeri on Oct. 17, 2013 at 12:54 PM


Quoting deccaf:

I don't see how breaking his trust is a big issue right now.  HE broke your trust.  Unless there is an agreement to not go through his phone, you broke nothing.  DH and I have no problem getting on each others phones.  If there were nothing to hide, it wouldn't be a problem.  Especially with his history, I would say you have every right. 
In my opinion, if this is a repeat offense, it's time to leave or at least seriously consider it.  But I left my first DH after the first time I found out.  Cheating is not something I would put up with, and is one of my deal breakers.

I agree.....he already broke your trust so you checking his phone and him losing your trust is not even an issue at all.  At this point, I would tell him that, yes, you did look through his phone because you didn't trust him and you don't CARE if he is mad that you went through his phone.  This would be something that I would be done with and end the relationship.  I could not ever be with someone again (because I have) wondering what the hell he is up to every moment because I didn't trust him.  I'm getting too old for that crap and don't want to spend my time worrying anymore.

amandamom1266
by New Member on Oct. 17, 2013 at 1:12 PM
1 mom liked this

I think everyone is right I need to get away from him. I have been in crappy relationships my entire life with men that dont work and wont work. I thought with this one he works and helps pay for half of everything which Im not use to. I have realized just now that I am settling. Its not worth it for me or my children. Leaving is the hard part but it needs to be done. I cant wonder every 2 months if he is getting attention from another random female. It hurts but you ladies are right its time to go. I appreciate all the input. I really do. You have just made me realize that its what has to happen. I see it and now apparently everyone else does as well.

mickstinator
by on Oct. 17, 2013 at 1:18 PM
1 mom liked this

well, all i can speak of is my own relationship. we have an open communication rule - each of us are allowed to snoop into the other's personal space at any time without the other's knowledge. it's a safeguard and an accountability. if i caught something like that, you'd better believe i'd cite how i learned of it, especially if there is a history of deception involving texts. 

at this point, i can't say i'd have too much hope for th relationship. that is a personal judgment only you can make, but the frequency would probably cause me to bail at least at some point. 

i am truly sorry to hear of this. i am dealing with a friend who just found out her husband has a long history of cheating on her. it leaves me speechless how much spouses can do that hurts the one they supposedly love the most. just breaks my heart.

Marti123
by Platinum Member on Oct. 17, 2013 at 1:26 PM
This.

I am sorry, breakups suck, but it's time to move on to the next chapter of your life.


Quoting christyg:

I don't understand why you are worried about him getting angry with you. Pack his crap and put it on the front porch...problem solved! Or pack up yours if you can't make him leave and go stay with friends/family for now. You don't need to stay with someone who doesn't want to be with you. 


leahbeah143
by Leah on Oct. 17, 2013 at 1:30 PM

 I'd be kicking his butt to the curb!

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