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This is wrong, in my opinion

Posted by on Dec. 12, 2013 at 10:29 AM
  • 32 Replies

DH reminded me that we need to make sure we set aside a gift for Steph to open whher sister and nephews come over on Christmas.  This is because they never bring her anything.  Not even a dollar store coloring book.  Last year she asked if she had anything to open while the boys were opening their gifts.  This year, we will have something.

BUT, DH said to not get the oldest daughter anything.  He says this is because she can't be bothered with getting anything for Steph, can't manage to give any concern about anyone and is always asking for help in the way of money, items, etc.  I don't know how I feel about this.  I already sent off the middle daughter's gifts (the one in Japan). 

BTW, the older girls are 27 and 22.  The boys (grandsons) are 4 1/2 and 1 1/2.

by on Dec. 12, 2013 at 10:29 AM
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Replies (1-10):
adamsmom0116
by Gold Member on Dec. 12, 2013 at 11:00 AM

You know, it's tough with stepkids, even adult stepkids. DH and I collaborate on DS's gifts. I let him take care of everything for his kids. I don't always agree with the way he does it or with what he gets them, or in your case *doesn't* get them.....but by him doing it, then it's him and I don't have to be the heavy when it comes to facing his kids. They are all aware that I stay out it. Maybe you could take a step back and let your DH do the doings for his girls??

cjsmom1
by Platinum Member on Dec. 12, 2013 at 11:12 AM
I'm with you on this one. I would not skip getting someone a gift just because they didn't get one for my child. I understand why your dh feels the way he dies, but it won't solve the problem. I suggest getting her something small and inexpensive.

My sister never got me or ds a gift until 3 years ago. I always got her something even though it upset me that she never got ds anything. Well this year she gave me $100 to get ds the big gift he wanted and went half with my brother to get a keurig for me. Although she doesn't get Steph anything now she may grow up and realize that she should.
leahbeah143
by Leah on Dec. 12, 2013 at 1:07 PM

 He's saying don't get anything for the oldest daughter because she doesn't buy anything for her baby sister? While I do think it's selfish of her not to think of anybody else, and from other things you've said about her, it's not surprising. But, it's not much in the Christmas spirit to exclude her because of that. If that makes any sense at all lol

deccaf
by Platinum Member on Dec. 12, 2013 at 1:16 PM

 The way she treats Steph is most of it, but he's so tired of things we get her not being good enough, the fact that she gets rid of everything we give her, she has a very "give me what I want" attitude, thinking she is entitled to have things handed to her.  She thinks of no one but herself.  But if I go get something for her, it may end up causing friction between us, since he already expressed his views.  It's his kid (she's 27, so not really a "kid"), so I think he has the say in this, but I don't feel right about it.

Quoting leahbeah143:

 He's saying don't get anything for the oldest daughter because she doesn't buy anything for her baby sister? While I do think it's selfish of her not to think of anybody else, and from other things you've said about her, it's not surprising. But, it's not much in the Christmas spirit to exclude her because of that. If that makes any sense at all lol

 

leahbeah143
by Leah on Dec. 12, 2013 at 1:18 PM

Well, the fact of the matter is that Christmas is not about her anymore, it's about her kids. If she wants to be ungrateful, then she doesn't deserve anything.

Quoting deccaf:

 The way she treats Steph is most of it, but he's so tired of things we get her not being good enough, the fact that she gets rid of everything we give her, she has a very "give me what I want" attitude, thinking she is entitled to have things handed to her.  She thinks of no one but herself.  But if I go get something for her, it may end up causing friction between us, since he already expressed his views.  It's his kid (she's 27, so not really a "kid"), so I think he has the say in this, but I don't feel right about it.

Quoting leahbeah143:

 He's saying don't get anything for the oldest daughter because she doesn't buy anything for her baby sister? While I do think it's selfish of her not to think of anybody else, and from other things you've said about her, it's not surprising. But, it's not much in the Christmas spirit to exclude her because of that. If that makes any sense at all lol

 

 

awesomemommy2
by on Dec. 12, 2013 at 1:20 PM

Confused as to who is who.   The 4 1/2 and 1 1/2 year old are the kids of the 27 year old?   

If so and you buy for your nieces kids and she doesnt buy for yours I would stop buying for them.   

deccaf
by Platinum Member on Dec. 12, 2013 at 1:21 PM

 Speaking of her kids, she just got a promotion at work, doubling her pay.  She now has medical available.  She insured herself, but her kids have no insurance and she doesn't qualify for Medical.  She won't listen to reason that she HAS to have them insured!  She will be fined if not. She has 2 boys, one on the way.  I wish she would listen to reason!

Quoting leahbeah143:

Well, the fact of the matter is that Christmas is not about her anymore, it's about her kids. If she wants to be ungrateful, then she doesn't deserve anything.

Quoting deccaf:

 The way she treats Steph is most of it, but he's so tired of things we get her not being good enough, the fact that she gets rid of everything we give her, she has a very "give me what I want" attitude, thinking she is entitled to have things handed to her.  She thinks of no one but herself.  But if I go get something for her, it may end up causing friction between us, since he already expressed his views.  It's his kid (she's 27, so not really a "kid"), so I think he has the say in this, but I don't feel right about it.

Quoting leahbeah143:

 He's saying don't get anything for the oldest daughter because she doesn't buy anything for her baby sister? While I do think it's selfish of her not to think of anybody else, and from other things you've said about her, it's not surprising. But, it's not much in the Christmas spirit to exclude her because of that. If that makes any sense at all lol

 

 

 

deccaf
by Platinum Member on Dec. 12, 2013 at 1:23 PM

 Yeah, you need a scorecard to keep up with this family.  The 27 year old is my oldest stepdaughter.  My daughter is 3.  The 4 1/2 year old and 1 1/2 year old are my (step)grandsons.  We will always get the boys gifts for Christmas.  This is the first year he has said to not get anything for her, though.

Quoting awesomemommy2:

Confused as to who is who.   The 4 1/2 and 1 1/2 year old are the kids of the 27 year old?   

If so and you buy for your nieces kids and she doesnt buy for yours I would stop buying for them.   

 

Nighttiger
by Ashley on Dec. 12, 2013 at 1:26 PM
Talk to dh and see if you can get her something small. Who cares if its not good enough. If steph is anything like ds1, she will notice and ask why everyone doesn't have something to open. Even if its just a $1 coloring book ;)
Nighttiger
by Ashley on Dec. 12, 2013 at 1:28 PM
That makes my heart sink as a mother. Your kids always come first!

Quoting deccaf:

 Speaking of her kids, she just got a promotion at work, doubling her pay.  She now has medical available.  She insured herself, but her kids have no insurance and she doesn't qualify for Medical.  She won't listen to reason that she HAS to have them insured!  She will be fined if not. She has 2 boys, one on the way.  I wish she would listen to reason!


Quoting leahbeah143:

Well, the fact of the matter is that Christmas is not about her anymore, it's about her kids. If she wants to be ungrateful, then she doesn't deserve anything.


Quoting deccaf:

 The way she treats Steph is most of it, but he's so tired of things we get her not being good enough, the fact that she gets rid of everything we give her, she has a very "give me what I want" attitude, thinking she is entitled to have things handed to her.  She thinks of no one but herself.  But if I go get something for her, it may end up causing friction between us, since he already expressed his views.  It's his kid (she's 27, so not really a "kid"), so I think he has the say in this, but I don't feel right about it.


Quoting leahbeah143:

 He's saying don't get anything for the oldest daughter because she doesn't buy anything for her baby sister? While I do think it's selfish of her not to think of anybody else, and from other things you've said about her, it's not surprising. But, it's not much in the Christmas spirit to exclude her because of that. If that makes any sense at all lol


 


 


 

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