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Working moms happiness...

Posted by on Feb. 13, 2014 at 10:45 AM
  • 14 Replies

 

What Makes for a Happy Bread Winning Mom?

By ABC News 21 hours ago Beyond The Headline
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Michelle Benfer, a successful sales manager in Boston, is the breadwinner in her household, making twice as much as her husband.

It's an unexpected role, though, considering the promise Matt Benfer made before they got married - that she could stop working when she turned 30.

"That hasn't happened," said Michelle Benfer, now 34.

"I had lofty expectations," said Matt Benfer, a research analyst for a small investment firm.

Instead, the Benfers are among the 40 percent of U.S. households with children in which the woman is the primary breadwinner.

A new report today by Working Mother Media found that the majority of breadwinning mothers surveyed - 71 percent - had fallen into their primary-earner role by chance, like Michelle Benfer.

"There have been times, you know, when I got the new job ... he was making jokes about, I don't need him anymore now that I'm making more money," Michelle Benfer said.

According to the survey, women who did not choose to be the breadwinner were also much less satisfied with the role than breadwinning fathers.

"Breadwinning moms have much more stress," said Carol Evans, president of Working Mother Media. "They are asked to do more at home."

The biggest issue: Men not helping with the housework. Only 60 percent of breadwinning moms surveyed by Working Mother Media said they were satisfied with how the housework was divided.

"We finally hired a cleaning lady once a month," said Catherine Merritt, a breadwinning mom in Chicago. "I figured it was cheaper than divorce."

Ashley Saulino in Colorado said she and her husband fought over childcare.

"I feel like I am the one who is expected to take care of the children," she told ABC News. "And I have to call in a favor or ask my husband to help with the kids."

And though a recent Pew survey found the total family income was higher when the mother, not the father, was the primary breadwinner, some moms said they also felt an overwhelming sense of responsibility and financial stress.

"It was pressure I was putting on myself and knowing that we were now relying on a new income level and I was the major contributor to that," Michelle Benfer said.

"You know it's scary. Everything rises and falls on you - the kids' ability to have the college that they want to go to, your home, the car you have," Evans said.

Despite this new frontier, Michelle and Matt Benfer said they considered themselves a team and were committed to making it work.

by on Feb. 13, 2014 at 10:45 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Marti123
by Platinum Member on Feb. 14, 2014 at 8:23 AM
This describes my life perfectly. I make over double my DH's salary. I did think at one point I could cut way back because my DH would have gone farther in his career. But Chrysler Financial went bankrupt, and DH is locked in his current position.

Since the birth of our 3rd, he actually had the gall to tell me, "you are slipping a bit" referring to how I a schedule EVERYTHING, and I was behind with scheduling appointments for my van and the baby's well-check. I did want to divorce him at that moment, lol! My DH lives a good life, I'll tell ya!
MidwestMama55
by on Feb. 14, 2014 at 3:53 PM

So these moms are feeling the very real stress that men have been feeling for decades? Color me surprised.

MidwestMama55
by on Feb. 14, 2014 at 3:54 PM

Most women who earn more than men do usually end up divorced. It seems that women are unable to appreciate a lower earning husband the way men can appreciate a lower earning wife.

Quoting Marti123: This describes my life perfectly. I make over double my DH's salary. I did think at one point I could cut way back because my DH would have gone farther in his career. But Chrysler Financial went bankrupt, and DH is locked in his current position.

Since the birth of our 3rd, he actually had the gall to tell me, "you are slipping a bit" referring to how I a schedule EVERYTHING, and I was behind with scheduling appointments for my van and the baby's well-check. I did want to divorce him at that moment, lol! My DH lives a good life, I'll tell ya!


Marti123
by Platinum Member on Feb. 14, 2014 at 5:48 PM
I doubt it has much to do with their lower wages in many cases, personally.

Quoting MidwestMama55:

Most women who earn more than men do usually end up divorced. It seems that women are unable to appreciate a lower earning husband the way men can appreciate a lower earning wife.

Quoting Marti123: This describes my life perfectly. I make over double my DH's salary. I did think at one point I could cut way back because my DH would have gone farther in his career. But Chrysler Financial went bankrupt, and DH is locked in his current position.



Since the birth of our 3rd, he actually had the gall to tell me, "you are slipping a bit" referring to how I a schedule EVERYTHING, and I was behind with scheduling appointments for my van and the baby's well-check. I did want to divorce him at that moment, lol! My DH lives a good life, I'll tell ya!


Marti123
by Platinum Member on Feb. 14, 2014 at 5:50 PM
Studies suggest that for a majority of men have not been feeling the stress of housework, school events/bake sales, making appointments for decades--that's the problem. Not the salary!!!

Quoting MidwestMama55:

So these moms are feeling the very real stress that men have been feeling for decades? Color me surprised.

Loveplusmama
by Silver Member on Feb. 14, 2014 at 8:34 PM
I make more but we aren't that far apart. What I hate is when I feel like I am managing my husband and kids like my employees. Overall, I have a teammate...but some weeks are better than others! I do feel stress constantly though because I can't be a good mom, wife and employee at the same time. One always is getting subpar performance.

And we too hire out cleaning for our sanity. Makes me less stressed and I don't nag DH.
preacherskid
by Silver Member on Feb. 15, 2014 at 9:37 AM

I make more than DH by default-he is disabled, and gets one quarter of what I currently earn in SSD.  Even if he were capable of working, though, my earning potential is much higher than his-I have a BSBA, he has a BA in Christian Education.  Ministers don't earn much on average, we knew that from the beginning, and we always knew I was going to be the breadwinner.  I do get overwhelmed sometimes, today I have to plan next week's meals, make a shopping list, GO shopping, bake bread, do laundry and dishes, deal with our three and five year old girls, and plan for my garden.  It is better-last year I was doing 20 hours of class work a week while I was working toward my degree.

cjsmom1
by Platinum Member on Feb. 17, 2014 at 5:45 PM
1 mom liked this

 How dare you not be able to handle everything! Seriously though how does he expect you to work full-time and amintain everything.

Quoting Marti123:
Since the birth of our 3rd, he actually had the gall to tell me, "you are slipping a bit" referring to how I a schedule EVERYTHING, and I was behind with scheduling appointments for my van and the baby's well-check. I did want to divorce him at that moment, lol! My DH lives a good life, I'll tell ya!

 

cjsmom1
by Platinum Member on Feb. 17, 2014 at 5:47 PM

I think it's more then the stress of being the primary bread winner. Society still expects women to do the cooking cleaning, child raising, etc that women did back when they were all sahm. It's hard working full-time, cooking, cleaning, scheduling all apppoinments, doing all after school activities, and not getting much help from your so.

Quoting MidwestMama55:

So these moms are feeling the very real stress that men have been feeling for decades? Color me surprised.

 

cjsmom1
by Platinum Member on Feb. 17, 2014 at 5:48 PM
1 mom liked this

 It's not about not appreciating a man who earns less. It's about the household responsibilities not being even. We still have the same mentality as when women were sahm.

Quoting MidwestMama55:

Most women who earn more than men do usually end up divorced. It seems that women are unable to appreciate a lower earning husband the way men can appreciate a lower earning wife.  

 

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