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HE IS SO LAZY!!!! (long)

Posted by on Mar. 4, 2014 at 2:43 PM
  • 11 Replies

So here it goes. My DH is a SAHD and he doesnt do anything other than watch our daugter!! I work M-F 830am-5pm then have to come home do all the cleaning the cooking and everything!!! I dont have a washer or dryer in my house ( I dont even have hookups for one) so therefore i have to haul my dirty laundry to my brothers, moms, or father-in-laws on the weekends when im off just to do it i usually have at least 6 loads of clothes by the end of the week to do. My DH and i had both agreed on him quitting his job and staying home with our daughter because he was only bringing home around 250 dollars every two weeks after taxes (7.25hr and only got anywhere between 10-15hrs a week where he was working) and we was paying around 150-175 every two weeks to my mother-in-law for keeping our child. I got a better job paying alot more than what i had and we come out ahead by him staying home and us not having to pay her to keep her granddaughter. But like i said he doesnt do ANYTHING around the house. He doesnt cook, clean, do dishes, do laundry (and he could easily take it 20 min up the road to his dads and do it while im at work), haul off the trash or anything. He just sits around or lays around all day watching tv. Then has the nerve to complain to me about not having any clean clothes, or the house being a mess, or not getting to eat dinner until around 8pm every night ( he doesnt even lay anything out of the freezer to thaw for me to cook when i get home so i have to wait until something gets at least half way thawed out to cook). Dont get me wrong he is an AMAZING daddy to our daughter and he loves me and her both more than anything. But he is LAZY!!! i usally give him money for gas, skoal, spending money or whatever every week well today when i got paid he asked for his regular amont  (100) and i set my foot down and told him NO that i was tired of having to do it all myself when he is there all day and could easily do some of the house work and help out. IDK what else to do i just feel like i never have anytime to do anything with my daughter becuase not only am i having to work my regular job m-f i have to work on sat and sun on getting cuaght up on my house work and everything. I was a SAHM for the first year of my daughters life and he didnt have to worry about anything i done it all he always had dinner on the table when he got home from work and everything. I am not saying that he should or needs to do it all i just would like a little bit of help. What would yal do or say????

by on Mar. 4, 2014 at 2:43 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Nai_Nai
by New Member on Mar. 4, 2014 at 3:36 PM

I think you have all right to be mad. Have you talked to him and told him how you feel?

bdarnell
by New Member on Mar. 4, 2014 at 3:47 PM

i have talked to him and all i get is "you know i dont do dishes" or "i cant take the trash off my truck is tore up" (he does have a suv and i also have a suv) so idk what the difference is there. As a child he wasnt made to do anything his dad done it all for him and cleaned cooked everything up until 6 yrs ago when we moved in together.

Quoting Nai_Nai:

I think you have all right to be mad. Have you talked to him and told him how you feel?

 

Nai_Nai
by New Member on Mar. 4, 2014 at 4:04 PM
1 mom liked this

I'm sorry :( I honestly have no idea what you could say to help out. I'm so sorry i wish i knew of something to say to help you!

 

Marti123
by Platinum Member on Mar. 4, 2014 at 4:45 PM
2 moms liked this
I apologize if any of this sounds mean, not my intention:

#1 make sure you do NOT have more children or get pregnant with status quo. Things need to change.

#2 tell him this is not working for you or your marriage or for role modeling for your daughter. Things will change in one of the 3 ways 1)he will assist in housework OR 2) he will go back to work and look for a job with more hours OR 3)he can continue and have this eat away at your marriage, until huge trouble, as it is becoming the number one reason for divorce overcoming money issues in some socio-economic circles. He can pick. Don't threaten him with that, just let him know, "I am not happy, our marriage is not happy and unhappy marriages, sadly have ways of unraveling."

And when you say he "loves you" ha, watching a wife work until exhaustion is a far cry from loving in my opinion.

"You didn't do dishes when you were only a son then a husband, you are now a father and husband, it is time to learn and teach life skills, such as dishes and laundry, do you need me to teach you?"

After that meeting, do the following:

Make short reasonable lists of what he needs to do in elementary language.

Be very kind and praise him repetitively when he does do household things.

Accept that things will not be done the way you do them.

Accept that you will probably never have an equal 50/50 share of household chores, but 100/0 is not ok.

I have been in your shoes, except my DH and I both work. I realize my DH is very bad at housework, so unless we have no other options, he will always work and kids will be in childcare even though it practically takes his whole check, currently. It allows him to stay in the workforce increasing his earning potential as well! It is better for our marriage.

I started DH with little tasks and he has improved, not great, but better. But we have 3 kids now and I never want to leave, so I make it work. But if he reverted back to doing nothing but "playing" with the kids, I'd weigh my options again. I need a partner who supports my needs, so do you!!

Good luck!
little.worthen
by Member on Mar. 4, 2014 at 4:49 PM
The. Tell him to get a job.. Wtf. That is ridiculous. Tell that lazy SOB to help out around the house or keep his f-ing mouth shut. Dang.
When you do laundry, only do yours and your daughters, and only cook and clean for you two.
You have ONE child. Not two. And screw giving him money when he can't even help you out a little bit!!!


Quoting bdarnell:

i have talked to him and all i get is "you know i dont do dishes" or "i cant take the trash off my truck is tore up" (he does have a suv and i also have a suv) so idk what the difference is there. As a child he wasnt made to do anything his dad done it all for him and cleaned cooked everything up until 6 yrs ago when we moved in together.


Quoting Nai_Nai:

I think you have all right to be mad. Have you talked to him and told him how you feel?


 

adamsmom0116
by Gold Member on Mar. 4, 2014 at 5:00 PM

 This.

I heard somewhere that "we teach people how to treat us." So, teach him how you want and need and DESERVE to be treated. This will also trickle down into how he treats your kids - as in, learning by example.

Quoting Marti123: I apologize if any of this sounds mean, not my intention: #1 make sure you do NOT have more children or get pregnant with status quo. Things need to change. #2 tell him this is not working for you or your marriage or for role modeling for your daughter. Things will change in one of the 3 ways 1)he will assist in housework OR 2) he will go back to work and look for a job with more hours OR 3)he can continue and have this eat away at your marriage, until huge trouble, as it is becoming the number one reason for divorce overcoming money issues in some socio-economic circles. He can pick. Don't threaten him with that, just let him know, "I am not happy, our marriage is not happy and unhappy marriages, sadly have ways of unraveling." And when you say he "loves you" ha, watching a wife work until exhaustion is a far cry from loving in my opinion. "You didn't do dishes when you were only a son then a husband, you are now a father and husband, it is time to learn and teach life skills, such as dishes and laundry, do you need me to teach you?" After that meeting, do the following: Make short reasonable lists of what he needs to do in elementary language. Be very kind and praise him repetitively when he does do household things. Accept that things will not be done the way you do them. Accept that you will probably never have an equal 50/50 share of household chores, but 100/0 is not ok. I have been in your shoes, except my DH and I both work. I realize my DH is very bad at housework, so unless we have no other options, he will always work and kids will be in childcare even though it practically takes his whole check, currently. It allows him to stay in the workforce increasing his earning potential as well! It is better for our marriage. I started DH with little tasks and he has improved, not great, but better. But we have 3 kids now and I never want to leave, so I make it work. But if he reverted back to doing nothing but "playing" with the kids, I'd weigh my options again. I need a partner who supports my needs, so do you!! Good luck!

 

Nighttiger
by Ashley on Mar. 4, 2014 at 6:42 PM
I agree with Marti.
the3Rs
by Platinum Member on Mar. 4, 2014 at 6:56 PM
You said it much better than I was going to & I strongly agree that if he truly loved you more than anything he wouldn't do this to you.

Good luck.

Quoting Marti123: I apologize if any of this sounds mean, not my intention:

#1 make sure you do NOT have more children or get pregnant with status quo. Things need to change.

#2 tell him this is not working for you or your marriage or for role modeling for your daughter. Things will change in one of the 3 ways 1)he will assist in housework OR 2) he will go back to work and look for a job with more hours OR 3)he can continue and have this eat away at your marriage, until huge trouble, as it is becoming the number one reason for divorce overcoming money issues in some socio-economic circles. He can pick. Don't threaten him with that, just let him know, "I am not happy, our marriage is not happy and unhappy marriages, sadly have ways of unraveling."

And when you say he "loves you" ha, watching a wife work until exhaustion is a far cry from loving in my opinion.

"You didn't do dishes when you were only a son then a husband, you are now a father and husband, it is time to learn and teach life skills, such as dishes and laundry, do you need me to teach you?"

After that meeting, do the following:

Make short reasonable lists of what he needs to do in elementary language.

Be very kind and praise him repetitively when he does do household things.

Accept that things will not be done the way you do them.

Accept that you will probably never have an equal 50/50 share of household chores, but 100/0 is not ok.

I have been in your shoes, except my DH and I both work. I realize my DH is very bad at housework, so unless we have no other options, he will always work and kids will be in childcare even though it practically takes his whole check, currently. It allows him to stay in the workforce increasing his earning potential as well! It is better for our marriage.

I started DH with little tasks and he has improved, not great, but better. But we have 3 kids now and I never want to leave, so I make it work. But if he reverted back to doing nothing but "playing" with the kids, I'd weigh my options again. I need a partner who supports my needs, so do you!!

Good luck!
bdarnell
by New Member on Mar. 5, 2014 at 1:11 AM
Thanks a lot ladies!!!! I am definatly going to take yals advice!!!
lazyd
by Member on Mar. 5, 2014 at 10:48 AM
1 mom liked this

i was going to say this exactly!  You only do YOUR laundry - dont even do your daughter's!  LOL!  :)  When your daughter is running around naked he might wash her clothes to.  Only cook for yourself.  DON'T GIVE HIM ANY MORE SPENDING MONEY!!!  Take that money and take yourself out to eat or bring your daughter treats every once in a while!  When your daughter is hungry enough - you tell her to go talk to her dad!!  Set up TWO SEPARATE bank accounts - one he has NO access to!!  Hide the debit card from the second, secret account.  You put MOST of the money in the secret account and pay all the bills with it.  Maybe leave a little money in the first account so he has gas & grocery money but not money for bad habits!!  IF something is wrong with his car, than you leave him the "better" suv, so he has NO excuse NOT to take his daughter or the laundry anywhere.

I know he plays with his daughter during the day, but WHAT ELSE DOES HE DOOOOO!?!?  How is he NOT completely bored out of his mind!?  How old his your daughter?  Does your lazy sob take naps during the day and might be leaving your daughter un watched at certain times (if she wakes up before him?) - this is not safe and she can get out of the house!!!  I know men don't get as bored as fast as women do, so i'm sure he could play videos all day - but does your dh have a gaming system?  If so, take it away!!  Take it to work with you - or at least take the controls - and don't leave him with any money to go off and buy new ones!

If he can't change his ways and he keeps on complaining that he doesn't do this or he doesn't do that - than you tell him that you are quitting to sit at home on your lazy ass all day - so than he will be forced to get a job!  Suck it up and have family watch your daughter during the day - if they are willing - and kick his lazy ass out!!!!  I'm serious - if you don't stick up for yourself than you will continue to be angry and not in a good mood and not able to enjoy your life like he his!  NO sex either and NO more children until he can fix his ways!    

Quoting little.worthen: The. Tell him to get a job.. Wtf. That is ridiculous. Tell that lazy SOB to help out around the house or keep his f-ing mouth shut. Dang. When you do laundry, only do yours and your daughters, and only cook and clean for you two. You have ONE child. Not two. And screw giving him money when he can't even help you out a little bit!!!
Quoting bdarnell:

i have talked to him and all i get is "you know i dont do dishes" or "i cant take the trash off my truck is tore up" (he does have a suv and i also have a suv) so idk what the difference is there. As a child he wasnt made to do anything his dad done it all for him and cleaned cooked everything up until 6 yrs ago when we moved in together.

Quoting Nai_Nai:

I think you have all right to be mad. Have you talked to him and told him how you feel?



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