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Working Moms Working Moms

Guilt, guilt, guilt

Posted by on Mar. 4, 2014 at 9:52 PM
  • 13 Replies

It started with the first pregnancy test and has never left 6 1/2 years later............Do you feel guilty everyday?

We read about King's Cake this week-end and I didn't have time to make one for Fat Tuesday. I worked too late to buy one. The boys were bummed.

I cherish every moment with little Mae, but only remember the fear and fatigue with the constant screaming from Malachi, my second. I feel guilty that I could not give them equal infancies.

I would prefer to stay home and just raise children for a while, but that's not an option, SO actually I am really looking forward to sending Mae to daycare, so I can work uninterrupted. Crazy right, what good mother would be excited about that? But I am, it is so hard to focus and do a good job for my employer playing SAHM.

And the list goes on and on...........do you feel daily motherly guilt? My DH tells me, "it's just you"

Am I alone?  

by on Mar. 4, 2014 at 9:52 PM
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Replies (1-10):
adamsmom0116
by Gold Member on Mar. 4, 2014 at 10:28 PM
1 mom liked this
No! You are not alone!
I had basically an all-day meeting that ended with dinner tonight. I was sitting in the meeting at 4:30 thinking, I could really use an Adam hug right now......and then it turned into wth am I even doing here? I'm going to miss the whole evening with my boy and my husband for a stupid meeting! I should work til 3:30 and then be done. Every day. Tell my boss to take it or leave it.
Obviously I was paying a lot of attention in that meeting!
But no, you are definitely not alone.
calsmom62
by Silver Member on Mar. 5, 2014 at 6:18 AM
no. every time I noticed a holiday like Valentines went by and I didnt have time to put out the cute decorations or I just wished they would go play outside so I could wash the floor or being trillingly giddy when school goes back in session I feel guilty and think I am a rotten mom.
CLEKate
by Member on Mar. 5, 2014 at 8:49 AM
2 moms liked this

I have not and will never feel guilty for going back to work. 

It's about quality time.  Not quantity of time.  Not every moment of every day is special. 

When I think back to my childhood--I don't have lots of memories of time with my Mom.  Because she was always there.  The time with her was not special--it was constant.  (that's not to say I don't have memories--but those memories are of the "special times" which didn't seem as often.)

I do have lots of memories of time with my Dad.  Time with him was limited since he was the working parent the whole time.  Time with him was special--so that's what I remember.

CLEKate
by Member on Mar. 5, 2014 at 8:52 AM

Now see, I don't think these feelings make you a rotten Mom.  I actually think they are pretty normal--but considered inappropriate to voice. 

Those hardcore SAHMs have made working Moms out to be worse than the devil--as a result, WAHMs have unnecessary guilt.

Quoting calsmom62: no. every time I noticed a holiday like Valentines went by and I didnt have time to put out the cute decorations or I just wished they would go play outside so I could wash the floor or being trillingly giddy when school goes back in session I feel guilty and think I am a rotten mom.

 

deccaf
by Platinum Member on Mar. 5, 2014 at 10:39 AM

There are times when I do, but I know she has so much fun at pre-K, and she learns so much, so even if I stayed home, I would feel guilty for not giving her that experience.

Nighttiger
by Ashley on Mar. 5, 2014 at 3:35 PM
Not alone. DH and I both feel it. We have the option to send both kids to daycare but 9 months later RJ is still home with daddy and Alex doesn't go full time. I think it's the realization after your first that this time really does fly by. How is Alex already 4!?! Seriously he was just a tiny baby yesterday right?? When he was a baby I kept thinking "this will get better as he grows up". But when that happens the cuddles are gone, them wanting you is gone. It will be easier but will it be better?? So for now DHs business is on hold and I feel extreme guilt leaving every day as, once again, I have to walk away from a 9 month old with outstretched arms just for me. It sucks!!
ninamsi
by Bronze Member on Mar. 5, 2014 at 4:18 PM

I do not feel guilty because I spent two years at home that was enough for me.  I love my kids but I am not a SAHM type.  I think I felt more guilty when I was at home, because I did not enjoy it.  My mother worked so I never experienced having a mother at home when I was young.  It really does not matter if you are at home or not because there will always be something to make you feel inadequate.

Nai_Nai
by New Member on Mar. 5, 2014 at 10:42 PM

no you are not alone. I feel guilty too. I feel guilty because even some days when i have a day off cuz the stock market is closed, but daycare is still open i send the kids to daycare since i'm still paying for it. I feel guilty when I'm at work, and i feel guilty on those days too (but i have to pay, so i might as well let them go. The love it cuz all their friends are there anyways) I think its normal to feel guilty. I remember staying home with my son after he was born and I did all the cooking and cleaning, and waking up with the baby since my husband worked, and with the second. i tried so hard to enjoy it but i was suffering from chronic pain, and a 20 month old and ppd and a baby who wouldnt sleep at night and all she did was cry. The ONLY way she would sleep is if she was laying on my chest. She was like tht for like 6 months. I felt soooooo guilty when I went back to work after the 2nd (my youngest was 6months old). I got to stay home with the first for the first 6 months also and then when i was prego with the 2nd i quit my job when I 20 weeks due to problems with the pregnancy. So i got to stay home with my son for like 20 weeks without his little sister, and I never got any alone time with Lils when she was born. I felt guilty about that. Its normal... :) if you are worried about this, i'm pretty sure you are a good momma!

Mommy2Boys0900
by Bronze Member on Mar. 5, 2014 at 10:50 PM
I used to feel guilty when my boys were younger, and on occasion, my oldest son will say things that make me feel bad, but I don't feel so bad anymore. My little one is in daycare/preschool and he loves it and we spend our quality time together on the weekends.
M4LG5
by Valeri on Mar. 5, 2014 at 11:53 PM
No. I love my job and feel that by doing something that I love, I feel that the passion and happiness can spill over and my girls will notice and want the same. The time I spend with my girls when I'm not working is wonderful. Sure, there are moments of guilt but not so much that I want to say home.
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