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I know I shouldn't feel this way but...

Posted by on Mar. 10, 2014 at 9:44 AM
  • 23 Replies

A friend of mine constantly complains about how her baby (1 month younger than my baby) won't sleep through the night and she is so tired and blah blah blah...

My daughter is almost 5 months old.  She does not sleep through the night and is EBF.  She is usually up twice during the night to eat.  That means I am up twice during the night.  We co-sleep so it generally means latching her on and dozing off until she needs to switch sides but still...  I get up at 4:30am for work.  I also have a 2.5 year old SS.  So the whole sleep when she sleeps thing doesn't work in my house.  I have to get up when he gets up and if naps aren't timed correctly on the weekend, they don't nap at the same time so I don't nap.   

My friend's boy is almost 4 months old.  She is a stay at home mom.  Only child.  So I really don't want to hear about how tired she is and her son doesn't sleep through the night and on and on.  She can nap when he naps.  She can go to bed when he goes to bed.  If he sleeps in, she can sleep in too.  She really has no idea how difficult it could be.  Or what sleep-deprivation really is. 

I don't complain about how tired I am to anyone but my husband.  And he gets tired of hearing it so I rarely say anything. 

I know it's different for everyone.  And I probably really don't have it as bad as it could be.  The grass is always greener on the other side.  Ect.  I just need to vent a little bit.  I'm tired.  I get sick of hearing about how tired she is.  If she thinks she's tired, she should try going back to work and managing another child.  That's all.  Pity party table for 1. 

by on Mar. 10, 2014 at 9:44 AM
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Replies (1-10):
preemiemom45
by Member on Mar. 10, 2014 at 11:14 AM
I'll join your table for one!

My DH is a SAHD right now and I work. Neither of us get enough sleep. I made the mistake of giving him leeway to sleep in on Saturday... He slept until noon!! He said he was tired and catching up on sleep. I get 6-7 hours of sleep max and am up every morning before him to get to work. I'm tired too! But I stopped saying anything because he just gets grumpy if I tell him to get out of bed and help me. He's not a teenager anymore and has to be an adult and get up before noon!

So yeah, now we can be a pity party for 2.
antyler
by on Mar. 10, 2014 at 11:15 AM
Yeah mine didn't sleep through the night until 3 weeks ago and he's 19 months. He woke 3 times a night. I had to finally night wean which has been great.

Keep in mind she has nothing to compare her situation to so for her this is hard.
Eternity807
by Member on Mar. 10, 2014 at 1:05 PM

 That would definitely annoy me!  My DH gets up about a half hour after I do and normally about the same time as me on the weekends - depends on if he has to work or not.  If he doesn't get up when I do, I make sure the kids are loud enough to wake him up.  I know, it's evil, but he gets way more sleep then I do so whatever.

I'm glad you can join my pity party.

Quoting preemiemom45: I'll join your table for one! My DH is a SAHD right now and I work. Neither of us get enough sleep. I made the mistake of giving him leeway to sleep in on Saturday... He slept until noon!! He said he was tired and catching up on sleep. I get 6-7 hours of sleep max and am up every morning before him to get to work. I'm tired too! But I stopped saying anything because he just gets grumpy if I tell him to get out of bed and help me. He's not a teenager anymore and has to be an adult and get up before noon! So yeah, now we can be a pity party for 2.

 

preemiemom45
by Member on Mar. 10, 2014 at 1:34 PM
We made so much noise! I did everything short of vacuuming right in front of him!

He was a perfect husband later though because he could tell I was mad.

Quoting Eternity807:

 That would definitely annoy me!  My DH gets up about a half hour after I do and normally about the same time as me on the weekends - depends on if he has to work or not.  If he doesn't get up when I do, I make sure the kids are loud enough to wake him up.  I know, it's evil, but he gets way more sleep then I do so whatever.


I'm glad you can join my pity party.


Quoting preemiemom45: I'll join your table for one! My DH is a SAHD right now and I work. Neither of us get enough sleep. I made the mistake of giving him leeway to sleep in on Saturday... He slept until noon!! He said he was tired and catching up on sleep. I get 6-7 hours of sleep max and am up every morning before him to get to work. I'm tired too! But I stopped saying anything because he just gets grumpy if I tell him to get out of bed and help me. He's not a teenager anymore and has to be an adult and get up before noon! So yeah, now we can be a pity party for 2.

 

Marti123
by Platinum Member on Mar. 10, 2014 at 2:42 PM

I would have to distance myself from that friend for a bit! 

i used to work with a single middle aged lady with one job, no children tell me how busy she was on her days off, I could hardly manage to be polite and listen to her go on & on.......I have 3 young children, two jobs, and a needy DH; her definition of busy was laughable to me! So I totally get it, highly frustrating to hear! 

Nighttiger
by Ashley on Mar. 10, 2014 at 6:30 PM
Sounds like she's just a complainer. To be fair, when I only had one it was hard for different reasons. Now I have a 4 yo and 9 month old and miss the "easy" days of one child. My 9 month old still wakes up once an hour and my 4 yo stopped naps before ds2 was born. I feel your pain. However I never complain. I'm just not sa complainer and never have been. DH can complain about anything. Before kids it was the dig. Before the dog it was the house. Before the house it was the loud neighbors or school or work... He is amazing in so many other ways so I've accepted it as part of him. It's up to you if you want to accept her for who she is. Know that she doesn't have your struggle to compare to so she is tired.
mommytam
by New Member on Mar. 10, 2014 at 6:42 PM

I know how you feel, I am a full time working mom, and I have 3 kids

Eternity807
by Member on Mar. 11, 2014 at 8:04 AM

 I agree.  You have no idea what tired of busy is until you have small children.  I thought I knew with just one.  Then I had my daughter.  It's a whole new story.

Quoting Marti123:

I would have to distance myself from that friend for a bit! 

i used to work with a single middle aged lady with one job, no children tell me how busy she was on her days off, I could hardly manage to be polite and listen to her go on & on.......I have 3 young children, two jobs, and a needy DH; her definition of busy was laughable to me! So I totally get it, highly frustrating to hear! 

 

Sister_Someone
by Member on Mar. 11, 2014 at 8:12 AM

I could never understand why anyone would think that a person shouldn't complain about their problems just because someone, somewhere, has a bigger problem.

I can understand not being able to bring yourself to feel sorry for the person who is complaining even though they seemingly have it better than you, but to hold it against them or get mad at them for complaining about their problems is outrageous.

What a person is complaining about is the problem they have in their life at the time. The fact that someone, somewhere has it worse does not exactly make that person's problem lesser.

Marti123
by Platinum Member on Mar. 11, 2014 at 12:19 PM
Wow, that's awesome you have a never-ending amount of patience & time to listen to people no matter what the issue is!

I do agree stress is subjective and everyone should express themselves.

But I'll be first to admit, my time is valuable and unless you are one of my patients, I will only give you so much time to complain based on the problem at hand and after that, yep, I start to get annoyed. Also when it comes to some things, I will even start to get jealous, as their situation seems so benign compared to mine. I think that is pretty much a norm for majority of humans, and honestly healthy to identify stressors and conversations that are not positive for you. If you want to consider that "holding that against them" ok, but to me, it's choosing to surround myself with positivity and people I can relate & empathize with. That is rewarding as opposed to listen to a negative person drone on and on.

Quoting Sister_Someone:

I could never understand why anyone would think that a person shouldn't complain about their problems just because someone, somewhere, has a bigger problem.

I can understand not being able to bring yourself to feel sorry for the person who is complaining even though they seemingly have it better than you, but to hold it against them or get mad at them for complaining about their problems is outrageous.

What a person is complaining about is the problem they have in their life at the time. The fact that someone, somewhere has it worse does not exactly make that person's problem lesser.

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