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UPDATE: When you were in high school...curfew question

Posted by on Mar. 16, 2014 at 3:15 PM
  • 23 Replies

When you were in high school and came home after curfew, what were the consequences? WERE there any consequences?

Lectures? Grounding? Extra chores? Car taken away?

This is DH's weekend with SS17. So we had SS17, SD15, and SS19 (home from college on spring break). They all left together about 9:30 last night and were going to Sonic and then to see some specific friend whose name escapes me right now. At 1:45, DH wakes up "The kids aren't home!" And so.....he texts them all. No response. Calls them all. No one answers.....Waits....Gets in the car and drives around town, finds SS19's car at BM's house. Assumes they are all there. No one calls, says they're spending the night at mom's.....Nothing.

One time I came home after curfew. I had my drivers license cut up and was basically an indentured servant for a few weeks. These kids? DH told them very calmly that they "really need to let him know where they are because he worries." And then had them go clean their rooms.

To me, that seems like pretty much nothing, given the fact that they didn't come home at all last night. The problem is not that they spent the night at their mother's. The problem is that they didn't call, text, wouldn't answer DH's calls.....Your thoughts?

Trying to make sure I'm not crazy out of line with my thinking here!

UPDATE:  Sounds like generally I need to chill out about it. I think it just irks me that it was a big enough deal to DH that he kept me up half the night because of it, so I expected more a to-do with the kids. I did manage to back off and let DH handle the whole thing - been pretty good about doing that lately. Your kids, you handle it, I'm out!

by on Mar. 16, 2014 at 3:15 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Marti123
by Platinum Member on Mar. 16, 2014 at 3:29 PM
My parents had trouble with me; I'd rather not repeat those methods.

First offense: family meeting, set some ground rules---you're adults, when are you going to be home? How to contact me if something changes? And if you cannot grasp this, meaning you are not home by time Xxxxxx, you choose to no longer be treated like an adult but a child. So that means I might take vehicles, have a parent escort them or not go at all, schedule more family activities with parental involvement etc. I'd warn them, but yes, it's common courtesy to let loved ones know where you are. It's life skill really & good manners, truly in my opinion parenting basics, I am working on with my 6 year old, lol. So not having teens, idk, maybe I am wrong!
cjsmom1
by Platinum Member on Mar. 16, 2014 at 4:33 PM

I never had a curfew and was alowed to do pretty much whatever I wanted

StreetsAhead
by Member on Mar. 16, 2014 at 4:55 PM

I was at boarding school so if we hadnt returned/still up past the hour we were allowed to. We had scary nuns come in a shout at us. Then were given a chore to do that werent normally given to students. The nuns were enough.

But tbh I'd focus on the not telling you, that is a far bigger issue than missing the hour

beachmom2one
by Member on Mar. 16, 2014 at 5:32 PM

So you want him to punish them for being at their mother's house? Seriously, the three of them were together and the oldest is home for Spring Break.  Sometimes you just have to let things go.  There are a lot worse things they could have been doing.

adamsmom0116
by Gold Member on Mar. 16, 2014 at 5:42 PM
You obviously didn't read the part where I said the problem is NOT that they were at their. mother's. The problem is that the younger 2 were with dh for the weekend and they did not come home last night, did not tell him where they were, did not answer his calls, and did not answer his texts. Has NOTHING to do with the fact they were at their mother's.
So you are ok with your kids not telling you where they are and not coming home at night?

Quoting beachmom2one:

So you want him to punish them for being at their mother's house? Seriously, the three of them were together and the oldest is home for Spring Break.  Sometimes you just have to let things go.  There are a lot worse things they could have been doing.

beachmom2one
by Member on Mar. 16, 2014 at 6:43 PM

If they don't do this on a regular basis, I would let it go. They may have gotten caught up in their older brother being home from school.  Also, is there maybe a reason that none of them answered the phone when they were with their mom?  Could it have been fear of an argument? Either way, it is their dad's job to handle any discipline and it seems like he handled it the way he saw fit.

My son went off tho college this year but the last couple of years at home, once he had his car, there were one or two instances where we had some miscommunication. Funny enough, the worst instance was when he was not expected home and did end up coming home but he left his car at a friend's house.  I waited for him in the morning and got nervous and texted his best friend and girlfriend, who were also worried and after an hour of panic it turned out that he was asleep in his bed.  After that he always texted me if he was going to stay out or get home really late. 

preacherskid
by Silver Member on Mar. 16, 2014 at 9:40 PM

Before I was sixteen the curfew was 8 pm, after it was when it got dark unless I was on a school trip.  I would have lost any and all privileges I had earned, likely been grounded, and in general had my life run by my parents until they thought I could be responsible again-school and church would have been the only places I went.  My mom would probably have guilted me for a looong time.  Suffice it to say, it wasn't something I was interested in testing lol.

adamsmom0116
by Gold Member on Mar. 17, 2014 at 9:35 AM

Bump for update

Nighttiger
by Ashley on Mar. 17, 2014 at 6:49 PM
Sounds like you did the best thing stepping out. I know how frustrating it can be when our SOs keep us up obsessing about something just to have nothing come it. You are great support for him though and that's really what he needed :-)
nerdymom28
by Member on Mar. 17, 2014 at 6:58 PM

 My mom grounded me for 2 weeks if I was late - and I had the earliest curfew out of any of my friends. My mom flipped out every time I was even a minute late. It was exhausting, probably for both of us. If she had relaxed a little, we wouldn't have been at each other's throats all the time.

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