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Am I being selfish?

Posted by on Apr. 3, 2014 at 1:16 PM
  • 15 Replies

My husband says that I'm being selfish and that I need to think of my kids more and less of myself...

I work 40 hours a week, M-F 9-5...  I've been trying to get back into shape and lose this baby weight I've been carying for 5 years now.  So to do this I run.  I spend 30 minutes a day running.  It's too cold right now to run in the mornings (we woke up to 35 degrees again!) so I run after work for a few minutes before I cook dinner.  

Now, a friend invited me to go with her to the gym and to do I I told her I can go either at 6 am (before the kids are up) or at 9 pm (after they go to bed).  He thinks I'm being selfish because I want to spend a few minutes a day at the gym destressing alone.  

(by the way, when I run in the evenings I go to the school playground and let them play at the same time so it's not like I totally ignore then from sun up to sun down) 

by on Apr. 3, 2014 at 1:16 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Marti123
by Platinum Member on Apr. 3, 2014 at 1:45 PM
1 mom liked this
Uhh, no, not selfish, that is crazy.

It would appear at first read, there are some other feelings harboring behind his comment about other issues than just being concerned about 2-3 hours of exercise per week.
Nighttiger
by Ashley on Apr. 3, 2014 at 3:47 PM
No, sounds like your kids are well cared for. Would this time be coming out of time you spend with your husband? Could he be feeling neglected and using the kids to express his feelings?
kceron
by Member on Apr. 3, 2014 at 4:57 PM

Well, considering we're about done...  That's a good point.  He doesn't like the fact that I would rather run alone than with him (I usually take my 100 pound malamute with me) I just like to go at my own pace and not feel like I have to slow down for him.  

Quoting Nighttiger: No, sounds like your kids are well cared for. Would this time be coming out of time you spend with your husband? Could he be feeling neglected and using the kids to express his feelings?


kceron
by Member on Apr. 3, 2014 at 5:48 PM

He still does not agree with me working though.  In his mind, because I have children I should stay home and cater to their needs all day long.  I don't exactly need to work full time but I choose to because I want to feel secure financially and not struggle to pay bills.  I like to be able to spend money if I want to (which I almost never do though) and not have to feel like the kids are going without.  I don't like to be so paycheck to paycheck that anything out of the norm in devistating.  This month we have to renew the plates on one of our vehicles and while I don't like the idea of spending the money on testing and renewal fees, I'm not stressing about it because I make enough that we can have extra money. 

Quoting Nighttiger: No, sounds like your kids are well cared for. Would this time be coming out of time you spend with your husband? Could he be feeling neglected and using the kids to express his feelings?


Nighttiger
by Ashley on Apr. 3, 2014 at 6:22 PM
I wish you luck. It sounds like you guys are pretty divided in you working. How old are your kids?

Quoting kceron:

He still does not agree with me working though.  In his mind, because I have children I should stay home and cater to their needs all day long.  I don't exactly need to work full time but I choose to because I want to feel secure financially and not struggle to pay bills.  I like to be able to spend money if I want to (which I almost never do though) and not have to feel like the kids are going without.  I don't like to be so paycheck to paycheck that anything out of the norm in devistating.  This month we have to renew the plates on one of our vehicles and while I don't like the idea of spending the money on testing and renewal fees, I'm not stressing about it because I make enough that we can have extra money. 

Quoting Nighttiger: No, sounds like your kids are well cared for. Would this time be coming out of time you spend with your husband? Could he be feeling neglected and using the kids to express his feelings?

dawncs
by Member on Apr. 3, 2014 at 6:30 PM

 No, you are not selfish. You are doing something good for your health. It will help you be there for your family for a long time to come.

kceron
by Member on Apr. 3, 2014 at 6:59 PM

5,9,10 and 12 (in a few weeks).  

Quoting Nighttiger: I wish you luck. It sounds like you guys are pretty divided in you working. How old are your kids?
Quoting kceron:

He still does not agree with me working though.  In his mind, because I have children I should stay home and cater to their needs all day long.  I don't exactly need to work full time but I choose to because I want to feel secure financially and not struggle to pay bills.  I like to be able to spend money if I want to (which I almost never do though) and not have to feel like the kids are going without.  I don't like to be so paycheck to paycheck that anything out of the norm in devistating.  This month we have to renew the plates on one of our vehicles and while I don't like the idea of spending the money on testing and renewal fees, I'm not stressing about it because I make enough that we can have extra money. 

Quoting Nighttiger: No, sounds like your kids are well cared for. Would this time be coming out of time you spend with your husband? Could he be feeling neglected and using the kids to express his feelings?



kceron
by Member on Apr. 3, 2014 at 7:01 PM

What makes me mad is that it's not like I go out often.  I sometimes go out with my sister somewhere but that's it.  I have no "friends" I hang out with.  (neither doesn he though) and I think if I want to destress then it's a good thing.  

ljmom24
by Silver Member on Apr. 3, 2014 at 8:14 PM
1 mom liked this
What's selfish about taking care of yourself? I go 2 to 3 nights a week and I try to get a walk in on the weekend ALONE!! It clears my mind and puts me in a better frame of mind and helps me take better care of myself.
mattsmate
by Bronze Member on Apr. 4, 2014 at 9:33 AM

I walk or go the gym after DD is in bed a couple of nights a week. DH is pretty supportive because he knows that I want to lose weight but I also try to go during my lunch a couple of times a week. The gym is next to my office too. 

Wife to Matt (7/12/09) and mommy to Samara (10/2010)

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