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Why does this bother me?

Posted by on Aug. 5, 2014 at 9:49 AM
  • 10 Replies

I really don't like DH's ex knowing things. She can know whatever she wants to know about things that affects her kids, but beyond that, I don't think she needs to know a darned thing.

DH was talking to her about something with SS the other night, and she says, So I hear *my name* is looking for a new car. Why didn't she get a new car and give her old one to *SD*? Then SD wouldn't have to get a job to pay for that car.

Well, first of all, I don't think it's her business whether or not I get a different car. Second, it is no more MY responsibility to provide her daughter with a car than it is for ex's new husband to provide SD with a car. That's for DH and ex.....not me and stepdad!

DH also told SD that I am getting my tubes tied next week. Why? She will be with her mother, I will apparently be healed up by the time she comes back.......No one would ever have to know.

I don't have a problem with the skids knowing things like this, except that I know for a fact they tell their mother everything. SD found out on Sunday afternoon that I was looking for a new car, and her mother knew by the time DH talked to her on Sunday night. I know they run right to her with things, and I don't think she needs to know.

Is it wrong that I don't want the ex to know this stuff? Why does it bother me? Am I over-reacting here?

by on Aug. 5, 2014 at 9:49 AM
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Replies (1-10):
MindPalace
by Bronze Member on Aug. 5, 2014 at 11:07 AM

I wouldn't want her knowing that either - especially the tube tie! I could understand something just coming up in conversation and DH not making a point to NOT say anything, but getting your tubes tied is totally none of her business and not exactly something that just pops up in conversation. 

deccaf
by Platinum Member on Aug. 5, 2014 at 11:27 AM

I don't care much either way.  I have very little to do with DH's ex.  Their kids are now 27 and 23.  While they were young, he would deal with anything that came up.  When she came to town, we were all civil, would sit down to a meal and be pleasant.  I have no issue with her knowing much of anything, but DH wants her to know NOTHING!

trfgirl56701
by Melissa on Aug. 5, 2014 at 12:31 PM

That would be frustrating. 

HotMama330
by Bronze Member on Aug. 5, 2014 at 12:46 PM

 Not it's not wrong.  I've been in a similiar place.  I stopped talking about certain things in front of the stepkids because they would go home and tell their mother everything.  It's not her concern.  If she wanted it to be her concern, she shouldn't have divorced DH.

 

  

HotJerZMama
by Member on Aug. 6, 2014 at 9:49 AM
1 mom liked this
I had a similar problem like that. I don't think you're wrong to be upset about it. You may have to stop telling the step kids things if you don't want their mother to know. As far as the car- yeah it's none of her business and you're not obligated to get a car for the girl. My parents made me get a job to pay for my car and it was the best thing because unlike my friends, I learned work ethic and saving money at a young age. As far as the tubes tied thing- it is definitely none of the ex's business.
Marti123
by Platinum Member on Aug. 6, 2014 at 12:30 PM

I don't like people knowing my business unless I am the one that tells them. It would bug me too.

And really the car thing, knowing the stories you tell, doesn't surprise me, as my 4 yo would say, "she's a nincompoop" 

adamsmom0116
by Gold Member on Aug. 6, 2014 at 2:33 PM

 Nincompoop is much nicer than the word I was thinking of!  :)

Quoting Marti123:

I don't like people knowing my business unless I am the one that tells them. It would bug me too.

And really the car thing, knowing the stories you tell, doesn't surprise me, as my 4 yo would say, "she's a nincompoop" 

 

adamsmom0116
by Gold Member on Aug. 6, 2014 at 2:34 PM
1 mom liked this

 Yes, exactly. And certainly MY health issues are not her concern, unless perhaps I had some terminal disease or something. But getting my tubes tied is not her business at all.

Quoting HotMama330:

 Not it's not wrong.  I've been in a similiar place.  I stopped talking about certain things in front of the stepkids because they would go home and tell their mother everything.  It's not her concern.  If she wanted it to be her concern, she shouldn't have divorced DH.

 

 

adamsmom0116
by Gold Member on Aug. 6, 2014 at 2:37 PM

 DH made a comment to me in front of SD about me being home a couple of days next week, and him taking off work. And of course then SD needed to know why. So he told her. Which on the one hand is fine, but on the other hand....I know she told her mother and THAT is the part that bothers me. It is not the ex's business what I do with my reproductive system!

Quoting MindPalace:

I wouldn't want her knowing that either - especially the tube tie! I could understand something just coming up in conversation and DH not making a point to NOT say anything, but getting your tubes tied is totally none of her business and not exactly something that just pops up in conversation. 

 

adamsmom0116
by Gold Member on Aug. 6, 2014 at 2:37 PM

 Waiting for the day when we don't have to deal with her on a daily basis......Just a few more years to go.

Quoting deccaf:

I don't care much either way.  I have very little to do with DH's ex.  Their kids are now 27 and 23.  While they were young, he would deal with anything that came up.  When she came to town, we were all civil, would sit down to a meal and be pleasant.  I have no issue with her knowing much of anything, but DH wants her to know NOTHING!

 

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