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when do u say enough is enough to daycare?

Posted by on Aug. 15, 2014 at 8:53 AM
  • 19 Replies
I have been a working mom since my son was 4 months old, he is now 13 months. This has been a topic of huge debate between my husband and I, since I wanted to stay at home for a while to Care for my son. My son has been sick quite often and has food allergies that our daycare has neglected to acknowledge on several occasions. I'm just wondering when is it time to put my foot down to my husband and take my son out of daycare and stay home with him. I'm already missing tons of time from work because he is sick so often. And its not the common ear infection sicknesses I'm talking about. He has had rsv, pinkeye, cryptosporidium and now hand foot mouth disease. Daycare had also fed him items he is allergic to although we have advised them both verbally and in writing what his allergies are. There are no other daycare options because they all have a waitlist...which I have been on since Oct of 2013!!!! Help!!!
by on Aug. 15, 2014 at 8:53 AM
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by Silver Member on Aug. 15, 2014 at 10:20 AM
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Honestly if you go into something with a negative attitude you are most likely going to have a negative experience. Now not saying there aren't issues with your current day care but sounds like you set it up to fail because of your desire to stay home. If it's financially possible that's one thing but if not it might he time to pull up those big girl panties and accept that you are not going to get to stay home or no one will be happy.

If you have issues wit your current child care you need to address those issues with them and start looking for alternatives. If there are wait lists get on them. A bad day care situation is always a little less bleak when you have an out down the line. My oldest was in a great in home day care but outgrew it put him in a center which started out great and went down hill his last year but we had that kindergarten countdown keeping me sane. By the time it went from good to bad was too late to move him. Wouldn't have gotten a spot until fall when he'd start school anyway. Sad part once he started school we realize other ways this place failed him but live and learn. Looking back there are ways I made the situation worse instead of maybe seeing if we could have worked with them more.

Financially I have always known staying home is not an option. Sometimes it's harder then others. Oldest started school when I was pregnant with my second. School was his first interaction with kids whose moms didn't work out of the home and going to after school was a nightmare. He would cry and cry. His day wasn't longer but he saw some kids go home and he wanted that. Having a new baby and seeing how other moms did there was a part of me that wanted that too but I knew things like food, shelter and clothing was more important. Once I snapped out of the fantasy and he realized not happening he adjusted to after school. Our kids are going to follow our lead do if I wasn't happy about after school he was never going to get on board.

Enough is enough when you don't need it. If you can live on one income it's still a discussion you need to have with your spouse. Chances are he has fears going to one income. I imagine it's a lot more stress being the only bread winner, we have had times when dh has been injured and not bringing in money and it's hard. I freak out even wit savings to hold us over what if I got sick what if I lost my job. At least with both of us working it's a little less scary if one of us gets sick or laid off.

While it does sound like your day care is an issue I'd be on them about the allergy thing. That whole squeaky wheelie thing is true. If you squawk enough they will be extra careful not to hear you squawk again,
by Platinum Member on Aug. 15, 2014 at 10:30 AM
I think it all comes down to your budget, if you can live the life you wish providing for your family, without your income and you want to step away from your job and career......And you are willing to accept any repercussions to the "stay at home" decision with you DH and impact on your marriage, go for it.

The illness list seems pretty typical for daycare kiddos. It is highly stressful and I remember missing a lot of work. I thought my first born might have an immune deficiency, it seemed so frequent, lol, but fast forward, he's very healthy now at age 6.....

As for the allergy thing, I would be pleasant but demand a quick meeting with the person feeding my child the wrong thing and the director. Did they forget? Not know? Too busy! I would want an explanation of why this happened, then an action plan to know it will not happen again. Bigger signs, do you need to bring separate snacks? Etc...

Good luck with your decision!
by on Aug. 15, 2014 at 10:33 AM

I would have already put my foot down if its at all possible for you to stay home. The daycare fed your son things he is allergic to! That could have hospitalized or killed him! 

by on Aug. 15, 2014 at 11:09 AM

Oh, that's a tough situation to be in-especially if you don't feel like the daycare is doing a good job with your son. I guess only you know what's truly best for your family. But, if your husband really doesn't want  you staying at home, do you think maybe there's a compromise? If you're not doing this already, could you work part-time and limit the amount of hrs your son is in daycare? Or look into working from home options? I know they're not always easy to find, but they are out there. If your husband's reasons are financial, perhaps these ideas would ease his mind a bit. I also found an article at that had some tips on how to determine whether to be a stay-at-home mom or not and how to make a wise decision about it. So, maybe that will help you weigh your options? Hope it helps!

by Valeri on Aug. 15, 2014 at 11:12 AM

 If you can financially afford to, I would write out a budget plan that doesn't include your income, how the bills are going to get paid, etc.  I would also write a list of reasons why it is better for you to stay home.

I think you need to be prepared before sitting down nicely and talking with him about why.

by Silver Member on Aug. 16, 2014 at 11:57 AM

If you can afford it and it's what you want, then go for it! it's horrible to hear things like this about daycares. While no daycare is perfect, I know that the one we have had DD in since she was 3.5 months old they take food allergies SOOOOOO seriously. a picture and listing of the allergies is in EVERY ROOM for EVERY KID! not just the kids that are assigned to that room. as for the being sick part, that just comes with the territory. it's probably easier to deal with at the daycare age than at the school age when it hits a lot of kids who haven't lived in a petri dish for any amout of time. And unfortunately beyond that, some kids are just prone to get sick more often anyway. Hopefully that will cool off no matter what your decision is. Hugs tho, it's tough not wanting to work and then havnig a daycare like that in addition :(

by Member on Aug. 16, 2014 at 4:08 PM

I think you just want to stay home !  Most fathers wont put their child's welfare in jeopardy and I think you are just making excuses .

by New Member on Aug. 16, 2014 at 7:22 PM
Wow, some of you guys are rough. I want what's best for my child. I've tried the daycare route and its not working out. We would be financially able to swing it for about a year or so if I didn't work. I'm a very intelligent person, I have a masters degree so I wouldnt give up my career forever, just temporarily. The tough part is persuading my husband to let me stay home.
by Member on Aug. 16, 2014 at 8:12 PM

The type of illnesses that your kid has had the first year of daycare is not unique. My kids all got those within in the first couple years including strep before the age of one (which the pediatrician found unusual). I asked for the RSV vaccine when the twins were born at 36 weeks given my experiences with my first two, but was denied by the health insurance because they weren't born preemie enough. So at 15 months, I had to endure a long RSV season, renting inhaler machines etc. and spending an hour and a half each day giving treatments before and after work (what fun!).

As for allergies, my kids had little allergies to strawberries, food coloring and peanuts, but these are now all gone. While I understand they can be serious, a little exposure actually turned out well for us.

Five years later, my kids are seldom absent from elementary school. I am glad they built up their immune systems when they were little.

by on Aug. 16, 2014 at 8:17 PM

Can you afford it? It sounds like you just want to stay home which is fine. Maybe if you sit downa dn figure out the finances, your husband will be in agreement

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