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Close to a Break-down.......

Posted by on Oct. 15, 2014 at 11:43 AM
  • 7 Replies

I just had to make a break following a university meeting. Our school just went through this major process of accreditation to get national recognition, everything went well, "compliance was met" except for ME and one fellow, I don't have my doctorate which is a problem. 

I felt like screaming. I am on only one sitting in the room with small children. My children need me, they need me present. I cannot rob more time from them. Going back to school is doing that. I can quit this job, leave academia, but in the long run, that robs time from them as well. School is highly flexible, I can make all appointments, all room parties, get them to and from school. If I leave academia, I lose all that flexibility. I will be back to seeing patients from 7:30 in the morning to 6:30 every evening stressing over every moment I can't be with a sick child, make weekly counseling sessions, etc. 

I feel ill. I am hiding in my office, trying to pull my emotions together and act professional, but this is too much for me. My high needs Malachi, my jobs, my finances, my lackadaisical DH. 

OH and DH just texted to tell me he is going to the Royals game tonight. I have parent teacher conferences, no sitter, but he doesn't seem to think that is any problem. 

I am going to lose it, really I am....................

by on Oct. 15, 2014 at 11:43 AM
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Replies (1-7):
deccaf
by Group Admin on Oct. 15, 2014 at 12:02 PM

Keep your chin up.  Options will begin to form if you keep thinking about it.  What area do you live in?  Rural, urban?  Are there online courses you can take to get the doctorate?  Is your areaof study amenable to online studies? Is your DH going to step up at all when he realizes that you MUST do this to stay in the position you want and to have the flexibility necessary?  Or will he step up to take care of all the things you take care of now?

Have a discussion (as calmly as you can) about what is necessary, and what you need him to do.  I know how hard it is to leave the kids to go to class, but it is for such a short time and benefits them more in the long run, no matter how hard it is in the short term.

MindPalace
by Bronze Member on Oct. 15, 2014 at 12:32 PM

Oh, Hon. I was just coming in here to make a similar post of feeling overwhelmed and close to a breakdown.

I feel ya. : / 

Marti123
by Platinum Member on Oct. 15, 2014 at 1:07 PM

Thank you for your kind words. I have been thinking about this since I unexpectedly realized I was pregnant with MaeLena. The program will mostly be online, but it still takes time, that I do not have.

My DH *sigh* is not capable of stepping up anymore. He doesn't have the patience, the skill, the motivation. He would rather I just quit teaching and sacrifice the flexibility. He doesn't see the value of being at class parties or counseling sessions or extra-curricular activities like I do. Nor has he had to endure caring for now 3 children with me in a rigid schedule. I do not think he has the capacity to understand how brutal it would be.

Quoting deccaf:

Keep your chin up.  Options will begin to form if you keep thinking about it.  What area do you live in?  Rural, urban?  Are there online courses you can take to get the doctorate?  Is your areaof study amenable to online studies? Is your DH going to step up at all when he realizes that you MUST do this to stay in the position you want and to have the flexibility necessary?  Or will he step up to take care of all the things you take care of now?

Have a discussion (as calmly as you can) about what is necessary, and what you need him to do.  I know how hard it is to leave the kids to go to class, but it is for such a short time and benefits them more in the long run, no matter how hard it is in the short term.


Marti123
by Platinum Member on Oct. 15, 2014 at 1:19 PM

I hope you find some peace and relaxation!!

Quoting MindPalace:

Oh, Hon. I was just coming in here to make a similar post of feeling overwhelmed and close to a breakdown.

I feel ya. : / 


adamsmom0116
by Gold Member on Oct. 15, 2014 at 4:50 PM

Don't do it! Don't have a break down! Hang in there!

Too bad we weren't all born independently wealthy........

Side note - WTH is up with the Royals this year! WOW! Lots of band-wagoner fans in the last month or so, I've noticed.

calsmom62
by Gold Member on Oct. 15, 2014 at 10:24 PM
(((hugs))) followed by wine !! For everyone apparently!! ds 13 is not doing/ turning in his homework, I'm getting calls from him during class because his teacher is making him call me. we have a team mtg tomorrow at their request and dh had a work thing come up so now its just me attending. But dh has all kinds of ideas that he wants me to bring up. sigh... I used to teach and Im at my wits end ! this nonsense ds is pulling is making me look up military boarding schools ... at work things are so busy even with an assistant that I hardly have time to heat up my lunch....
we need a mom escape weekend!!!
ljmom24
by Silver Member on Oct. 16, 2014 at 6:36 AM
{{{hugs}}} will they work with you of you are working on getting a ph d? I have a friend who is finally went back to school a year or so ago. She goes around her work and kids school schedule. It's tough but it's short term and the long term benefits outweighs the struggled now. I've toyed with going back but it's not required for my job so the benefit doesn't outweigh the sacrifice. Sometimes you just need to make those choices. If you need the degree to stay in the field and keep the flexibility since the work/school schedule isn't forever like moving to private practice to me the temporary might be worth it in the long run

As for dh I usually find a way to force to watch the kids all by himself while I take 2 hours to "grocery shop" he's never going to volunteer to watch the kids so I can do something I need to do or for a mental health break and it took me years to learn I just need to take the time. So he has a guys night fine but I'm getting a girls night and I'm not asking I'm telling him. Less time he has alone with kids less comfortable he is with that🎋
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