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Feeling ashamed

Posted by on Oct. 20, 2017 at 5:18 PM
  • 16 Replies

Hey ladies,

Now I'm not sure if "ashamed" is the proper word to describe how I feel, but here's my case: My commute to work is an hour and my commute home is another hour. I drop of my 2 girls (ages 4 and 6) around 6:30AM and cannot scoop them up from school until 6:30PM!! They are at school for TWELVE hours and when we get home they're too tired, but then have homework and no time to hang out with me and dad! I feel like I'm a bad mom for choosing to work somewhere so far from home and they have to suffer! :/

Is anyone out there in the same boat? If so, HOW do you do it??  


by on Oct. 20, 2017 at 5:18 PM
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Replies (1-10):
M4LG5
by Valeri on Oct. 20, 2017 at 5:29 PM
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For me, that feeling is "guilt".  I don't work as far away as you do but sometimes it can take me up to 45 minutes (every once in awhile it can be an hour) to get home because of traffice.  Especially when the kids were younger and their bedtime was earlier, I just felt like I didn't have enough time with them. 

What is dad's schedule?  Can he pick them up?  Do you have a relative that can pick them up earlier? 

I'm lucky that I have my mom and sisters close by that if I'm running late, they can get them for me. 

Are there opportunities for jobs that are close by for at least one of you?

virginiamama71
by Bronze Member on Oct. 20, 2017 at 5:34 PM
1 mom liked this
Can the 6 year old do homework at the daycare?

Family time can be anytime you make it. From rides in the car, preparing meals, after dinner and before dinner. More time is available on the weekends.

Enjoy the easy moments now before they want to be involved in activities and have friends and want to go here there and everywhere. 🙂

aeg23
by Member on Oct. 20, 2017 at 5:49 PM


Quoting M4LG5:

For me, that feeling is "guilt".  I don't work as far away as you do but sometimes it can take me up to 45 minutes (every once in awhile it can be an hour) to get home because of traffice.  Especially when the kids were younger and their bedtime was earlier, I just felt like I didn't have enough time with them. 

What is dad's schedule?  Can he pick them up?  Do you have a relative that can pick them up earlier? 

I'm lucky that I have my mom and sisters close by that if I'm running late, they can get them for me. 

Are there opportunities for jobs that are close by for at least one of you?

The word you used is perfect! I am definitely feeling a littel guilty for them having to be there so long. Dad works a little further than me actually. We're in an apartment at the moment, so it's hard to pick up and move when we find decent jobs elsewhere. He's able to pick them up time to time, but it's about the same time I would get there. My mom used to help a lot, but started working later than before. I have thought to look at jobs, but it turns into the whole not enough experience/education type thing. It's just a lot to deal with unfortunately. 

aeg23
by Member on Oct. 20, 2017 at 5:51 PM


Quoting virginiamama71: Can the 6 year old do homework at the daycare? Family time can be anytime you make it. From rides in the car, preparing meals, after dinner and before dinner. More time is available on the weekends. Enjoy the easy moments now before they want to be involved in activities and have friends and want to go here there and everywhere. 🙂

Thanks for your response! Also thanks for snapping me back to reality, you are so right about family time being anytime, even in the car ride home!! The oldest is in the school's after care program, so I like your idea of her doing homework there! 

calsmom62
by Gold Member on Oct. 20, 2017 at 9:27 PM
When we had to use aftercare the program asked our preference about homework. If you wanted them to work on it, that group would sit together for half an hour and do HW and then go play .. it was heaven at home at night.

Quoting aeg23:

Quoting virginiamama71: Can the 6 year old do homework at the daycare?

Family time can be anytime you make it. From rides in the car, preparing meals, after dinner and before dinner. More time is available on the weekends.

Enjoy the easy moments now before they want to be involved in activities and have friends and want to go here there and everywhere. 🙂

Thanks for your response! Also thanks for snapping me back to reality, you are so right about family time being anytime, even in the car ride home!! The oldest is in the school's after care program, so I like your idea of her doing homework there! 

AzariahsMother
by Member on Oct. 21, 2017 at 11:11 PM
1 mom liked this
ME!! While my commute is not that long but DD23 months spends about an average of 9hrs at daycare and I ALWAYS feel the worst. Monday’s are very hard because I’ve spent the whole weekend with her, enjoyed her company and now I have to be away again.

I also feel like I’m a bad Mother when I have to do something and it’s better to leave her at daycare vs bringing her. Took DD17 to the doctor on Wednesday l, so I got off at 3pm and much rather of went to get DD23 months, but I knew it would be better to leave her at daycare while I handled DD17 and her stuff. On Friday I took her with me to a dentist about for DD17 and she was crazy running around the office, jumping on their couch, pulling their brochures out. I was so embarrassed. I had felt so bad about leaving her on Wednesday I couldn’t do it on Friday too.

It’s very hard.
Element5
by on Oct. 21, 2017 at 11:14 PM
1 mom liked this
My gf did that.. but she transferred to Work 15 minutes from home.. her other option was to move closer to her job but she did not want to pull her kids out of school they loved.

Maybe finding daycare that help with homework? Or close to your work instead of your Home?
Lolitalux
by New Member on Oct. 24, 2017 at 12:38 AM
1 mom liked this
Do not have shame in self. You are good mom and good provider there is little shame in that.
ljmom24
by Silver Member on Oct. 24, 2017 at 7:21 AM
Big time mom guilt here. My commute isn’t too bad but we are still home around 6. Yds is struggling in school and needs more help with homework then his after school can give.

It doesn’t help when school staff makes comments about long days. When he was doing kindergarten orientation the para told another mom she doesn’t recommend after school for kindergarteners “it’s just too long of a day” I looked at her and asked would she rather parents send their 5 years home alone or stop paying bills so they don’t need to work? Look lady if there was another option we’d do it. Neither one of us makes enough that the other can stay home. Combined we don’t make enough to hire a nanny and our parents can’t do full time care so this is what it is and I st as of being negative about it why not support families that are doing the best they can. I actually did complain to the principal about the comment.

For me I’m at the end of this cycle. I’m getting let go at end of year but will get paid for over a year so taking some months off and will be gone with him through end of school year. After that we might have his brother watch him a few days and grandparents the rest.
aeg23
by Member on Oct. 24, 2017 at 9:08 AM

Oh my gosh, I can't believe that staff member's comment! The nerve! Glad you stood up for that parent and all other parents who have no choice but to have their child stay after school!! I'm glad for you that you'll have that time to not only relax, but be with your family more. I'm in the process of applying to jobs, so fingers crossed!!

Quoting ljmom24: Big time mom guilt here. My commute isn’t too bad but we are still home around 6. Yds is struggling in school and needs more help with homework then his after school can give. It doesn’t help when school staff makes comments about long days. When he was doing kindergarten orientation the para told another mom she doesn’t recommend after school for kindergarteners “it’s just too long of a day” I looked at her and asked would she rather parents send their 5 years home alone or stop paying bills so they don’t need to work? Look lady if there was another option we’d do it. Neither one of us makes enough that the other can stay home. Combined we don’t make enough to hire a nanny and our parents can’t do full time care so this is what it is and I st as of being negative about it why not support families that are doing the best they can. I actually did complain to the principal about the comment. For me I’m at the end of this cycle. I’m getting let go at end of year but will get paid for over a year so taking some months off and will be gone with him through end of school year. After that we might have his brother watch him a few days and grandparents the rest.


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