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An Embarassing Dilemma (PIOG)

Posted by on Jan. 21, 2009 at 3:44 PM
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Okay, I'm a single mom of a wonderful 3 1/2 year old boy who sees his dad EOW.  But lately, my son has started asking every man he spends more than 1 minute with if they want to come over to our house and play.  I know my son is seeking more male companionship that his father cannot give him, but it's getting embarrassing to have my son constantly asking men (most are married) if they want to come over and play!  He did it again at the park today when he met one of his friends from school and while they were playing, asked his friend's dad (not his friend) if he wanted to come over...ugh.  Now, if he would ask a nice single guy, maybe...but so far they've all been married.  I just signed him up this weekend for soccer in the hopes that he'll be around men/older boys more and that might help alleviate, but it's only on weekends - I need some advice if anyone else has had to deal with this.  I'm not sure how to tell my son to stop asking them to come over to play...and I'm conflicted because I really wouldn't mind if some of them did!!!  Thoughts, suggestions and ideas welcomed!

I posted in another group, but no one's responded - am I the only one dealing with a son who wants more male bonding??

by on Jan. 21, 2009 at 3:44 PM
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Replies (1-10):
farm_mom
by on Jan. 21, 2009 at 4:44 PM

I'm sorry to hear that.  Yes, he is looking for attention.  Sorry, I haven't been through that, but just talk to him and ask him why he does that. 

 

Chele1313
by New Member on Jan. 22, 2009 at 7:51 AM

My DH works 2nd shift and i can tell my son just misses him for thsoe few hrs at night when he doesn't see him so i can get a jist of what you are saying...maybe this week he will meet some new friends at soccer and maybe you will as well, even if it is another mom, explain your dilem to them (her) maybe they would be willing to have a paly date with your son and theirs at their house and he can hang out with the other child and his Dad. A lday i work with does that with her son, she is married but her DH doesn't like to fish and do woodwork and one of her sons friends dad does so he goes their for that interaction....sometimes it takes a village, and thats ok.

Ange1208
by on Jan. 22, 2009 at 8:29 AM

Does he have a grandfather or uncle who he could spend time with?  My son is really close with my father and it makes up for what he lacks from his father.

QPPK
by on Jan. 22, 2009 at 8:37 AM

maybe try big brothers/big sisters.

Maybe just being with an other person (teenager) or an male adult will really help,. Thats what this organization is for, getting youger children with older ones or adults to help with relationships. Also if you have any more things he can try to get into, art classes, tee ball (spring)  any other sports, or a gymboree classes or something like that.

 

JPsMommy605
by on Jan. 22, 2009 at 9:59 AM

We don't have any other family members (grandparents are dead).  He has a godfather, but his schedule is so busy that we rarely see them (maybe once every two months).  I've looked into big brother/big sister, but he's too young - their organization is for school-age children.  He has some friends at school, but most families are too busy for play-dates, especially in the evenings.  This is a bit frustrating.  Keep the ideas coming, though...please??

joannarenay
by New Member on Jan. 22, 2009 at 4:29 PM

I know that has to be a tough situation and I can only imagine how much you hurt for your son.  As a formal social worker, I am a huge advocate of seeking out and utilizing community resources.  Perhaps filling your son's life with fun activities, even without a male present will help fill in the hole left by his dad not being more active in his life.  I went to your profile (hope you don't mind) to find your location and looked up the following resources.  They are limited for a little one his age, so I understand your struggle.  I strongly recommend martial arts, as he is not too young for that.  The benefits of martial arts are tremendous: respect, self-discipline, confidence, etc.  Another bonus is that most likely his instructors will mainly be male.  Many places also offer classes that parents can participate in with their child, if you chose to do so.  Here is the info I found, I hope it helps!

 

MOMS CARE
a county-wide group for moms and their children to share
friendship, playgrounds, outings and parent education.
For more info, please call:
360.697.1776 or 360.769.8812

 Kitsap Regional Library Calendar of Activities http://www.eventkeeper.com/code/events.cfm?curOrg=KRL&curKey1=Poulsbo&curKey2=Children%27s%20Event&setRef=new

 

YMCA drop-in preschool  http://www.kitsapfamilyymca.org/Drop-in_Preschool.htm

 

Poulsbo martial arts.  http://www.kitsapaikido.org/kitsapaikidosite/fees.html

 

Full listing of martial arts  http://maps.google.com/maps?rls=com.microsoft:en-us:IE-SearchBox&oe=UTF-8&sourceid=ie7&rlz=1I7ADBF_en&um=1&ie=UTF-8&q=poulsbo+martial+arts&fb=1&split=1&gl=us&view=text&sa=X&oi=local_group&resnum=1&ct=more-results&cd=1

 

 

 

~Jo~



www.marykay.com/joannarenay

"It's never too late to be what you might have been." ~George Eliot

JPsMommy605
by on Jan. 22, 2009 at 10:25 PM

Thanks for the information.  I work full time, so he's in preschool full time as well (Why are there no male preschool teachers??).  We go to the library weekly, but I've never made it for the actual story time on Monday - we usually go Tuesday or Friday after school.  I'll look into the martial arts but I can't afford it for both of us - it's another cost to my already strained budget (his dad isn't paying CS due to unemployment) and on top of soccer, I'll likely have to choose between the two, and I know my son will want to play soccer.  I guess I don't really have a lot of choices.  I did email his god parents and we're going to try to schedule at least a monthly or semi-monthly play date with his god father...hopefully it will help.  Summer will help too, more time at the park after school with his friends and their families...If nothing else, I guess I'll just have to find a husband!

jaimeS
by New Member on Jan. 22, 2009 at 10:41 PM

my 20mo son is doing something like that too. he doesnt know his SD, but he is very close with my father. my truck blew up last week so my dad has been helping take us where we need to go, and it never fails... everytime i take him to daycare, if my dad is there, my poor baby gets soooooo upset to the point i have to pick him up and carry him inside, and even then he runs to the window crying. makes us both feel like crap. 

Jaime

Connie04
by on Jan. 23, 2009 at 11:56 PM

I don't have experience with this, but this thought popped into my head. Before going out with him, maybe try saying something to him like, "Honey, I know you want a big boy to come home and play with us, but can you let Mommy do the asking? When Mommy sees someone she'd like to play with us, she'll ask him, OK?" Of course, you won't (literally) be doing that, but he'll think you'll be taking care of that department, so he won't have to ask. Stress to him that it's OK to ask a boy his age, but you'll watch out for the big boys. Can his dad not see him more often, or does he live too far away?  That's too bad if he can't.  I hope you find something that works.  Good luck!

joannarenay
by New Member on Jan. 26, 2009 at 11:10 AM


Quoting JPsMommy605:

Thanks for the information.  I work full time, so he's in preschool full time as well (Why are there no male preschool teachers??).  We go to the library weekly, but I've never made it for the actual story time on Monday - we usually go Tuesday or Friday after school.  I'll look into the martial arts but I can't afford it for both of us - it's another cost to my already strained budget (his dad isn't paying CS due to unemployment) and on top of soccer, I'll likely have to choose between the two, and I know my son will want to play soccer.  I guess I don't really have a lot of choices.  I did email his god parents and we're going to try to schedule at least a monthly or semi-monthly play date with his god father...hopefully it will help.  Summer will help too, more time at the park after school with his friends and their families...If nothing else, I guess I'll just have to find a husband!

Sounds like you are super-busy, I can't imagine you fitting anything else in to try and help him.  I know it is upsetting and embarrassing, but he should eventually grow out if it!!

~Jo~



www.marykay.com/joannarenay

"It's never too late to be what you might have been." ~George Eliot

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