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Is having just one enough .... share your thoughts

Posted by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 1:42 PM
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Does anyone else wonder if having one is best for that child?

I know I dont want to be prenant again (I had lots of trouble with passing out from him kicking my spine and He was really big and I am small...) But I do think about adoption.

Here is what I ponder....share your thoughts

Pros to having just one:

- more money to do more things (family vacations, weekend trips....)

- more money so he can experience more (like My gym classes, camps as he gets older...he would be able to experience more because our finances wouldnt need to be split between two or more kids)

- We have a great special bond (not that I wouldnt bond the same with another child but having one means I dont need to worry about if I am dividing attention up evenly or deal with sibling fights...)

- he does have a cousin 7 weeks older whom he plays with often and he goes to school 3 days a week so social he is getting great exposure, but is it the same?

CONS

- Part of me wants one more soemtimes, but not all the time - so how do i know what I really want. If I wait too long adn decide I want another -- there ages will be so far apart the may not be that close (my brother and I are two years and are like best friends, my sister and I are like 7 years apart and were not really close till we were more adults as we had nothing in common)

- will he miss out on things - like someone to stay up late with talking about santa coming or someone to confide in when he cant talk to mom/dad.

Just wondering how you knew what was right for you and your opinions of having an only child.




Pyzam Family Sticker Toy
by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 1:42 PM
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Replies (1-6):
MichelleMc
by Member on Feb. 13, 2009 at 6:30 PM

Hello there,

Jonathan is an only by choice. I see no cons really. He is happy & healthy. Very social, great behavior, and is totally involved in many activities. He has tons of friends & gets along well in all situation.

You can not guarentee siblings will get along, stay up for Santa ( especially if they aren't in the same room ) or get along young or old.

I think alot of times, if you can except it is great the way it is, it is easier for the kids to accept it is okay. If you feel they are missing out, they will pick up on that or hear you sometimes.

I was a "basic only". My brothers were 9 & 12 years older than me. We never had a close relationship as they both went into the Navy right away ( one gone when I was 5 & one when I was 9 ). I had cousins & had great times hanging with my gram & my aunt. I had friends & wasn't even in ANY activities. I loved my childhood & wouldn't have wanted my brothers to be there. And even now, we can't get along & are FAR from being close. We see each other just for holidays to be with our parents.

My husband has a brother 3 years younger. Their growing up days were NOT fun or close with each other. His brother was always just one of those kids, and they never got along. THey haven't spoke in 4 years & hubby wants it that way now, so as adults, they do not get along.

On the having another child comes & goes. That it goes, makes me just wonder if it is baby fever or the worry on your mind on if your choice is right. Society & people, make us feel as if having an only is wrong/bad. And it is NOT.

I am not saying, do NOT have another child, LOL. I am just saying that I feel as though we get that way  because babies are cute, we wonder how it would be, sometimes people wanted a different sex child  or because society makes us start to think, so that is why it comes, but then goes.

Jonathan is 13.5 , he will be 14 in May. He loves being an only & he gets to do alot of things he wouldn't otherwise. Today he got to go help his dad with work, and they had a great day. Now they are going on a boy scout camp out to spend time together. I get the house to myself & it is wonderful! I will miss them & go see them tomorrow, but you know, it is nice to have the house to yourself at times too!

We have a great bond as a family, and I get time with my hubby too, which is a wonderful thing too!.

 Michelle


~Proud Mom of an Only Child By Choice~ 



Jonathan



Administrator in Moms Of Onlies Group


Proud Teenager, Life Ranked Boy Scout, Scottish Drummer,


Native American Dancing Parent!


Proud Navy Submarine Vets Wife!


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KristyCT
by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 7:14 PM

Thank you, that was very helpful. I apreciate you sharing.




Pyzam Family Sticker Toy
MichelleMc
by Member on Feb. 13, 2009 at 9:52 PM

Oh anytime :) Sometimes it is easier to talk to someone with an older only by choice with a good experience. I also am friends with 2 adult onlies that had no problems & loved their childhoods. I also know my situation & my husbands. I have a friend whose son is lonely with a sibling 3 years younger. He has social inabilities, about the worst I have seen.

So I have learned that all the "only" problems people could throw at me, are just problems, not just for onlies.

 

 Michelle


~Proud Mom of an Only Child By Choice~ 



Jonathan



Administrator in Moms Of Onlies Group


Proud Teenager, Life Ranked Boy Scout, Scottish Drummer,


Native American Dancing Parent!


Proud Navy Submarine Vets Wife!


american flag ribbonshooting photocelebrityscrapbooking

MaMas06
by on Feb. 15, 2009 at 1:47 AM

hi!

Unlike MichelleMc, I have an onlie whose 2 yrs. old And he was by choice too. I have no regrets. Having an Onlie is great! I love that he will be able to reap all the rewards of being an Onlie. Your Pros list is well thought out and I agree w/you. And I also agree w/Michelle 'cos she's one of my friends from the group, "Moms of Onlies" and she always encourages us Mom's that it's okay. By the way, I always get my Mother coming at me to have another one. It's irritating. By all accounts, it can be down right rude. All I can tell ya is hang in there and don't let anyone tell you otherwise that having an onlie is wrong. That the child will be lonely. My Brother and I are 5yrs. apart and are not close. I love him and his family. But as young children it was miserable growing up w/him. I wish at times I had been an Onlie.

So you see, you're not alone on the quest to raising an only child. Take CAre!

Ciao! Ang~

MaMas06
farm_mom
by on Feb. 17, 2009 at 9:57 AM

I have an only by choice.  My son will be 5 next month.  I love having him as my only and I think he likes it too.  He has never asked for a sibling.  he considers his cousins (6and 3) his sister and brother.  I watched them from the time he was born till just last July.  So, it was hard and he was jealous of course.  But he loves having only Mommys attention.  We live on a farm and raise 30 cows, so he gets to ride in the tractor/drive the tractor with hubbies help, ride in the combine with his uncle.   Stuff he wouldn't be able to do if he had a sibling b/c he would have to share the time.   

KristyCT
by on Feb. 17, 2009 at 10:28 PM


Quoting farm_mom:

I have an only by choice.  My son will be 5 next month.  I love having him as my only and I think he likes it too.  He has never asked for a sibling.  he considers his cousins (6and 3) his sister and brother.  I watched them from the time he was born till just last July.  So, it was hard and he was jealous of course.  But he loves having only Mommys attention.  We live on a farm and raise 30 cows, so he gets to ride in the tractor/drive the tractor with hubbies help, ride in the combine with his uncle.   Stuff he wouldn't be able to do if he had a sibling b/c he would have to share the time.   


Thats a lot of milk...30 cows!!!!! Must be a lot fo work. VEry different from life here in Milford, Connecticut, I have to drive to the zoo/farm to see animals like that.


http://www.cafemom.com/group/activities-for-kids (Join us for ideas in cooking, music, art, movement...) 



(for those living in Milford, Orange, West Haven, Stratford, Devon...or near by looking to connect with local moms, do playdates or just get ideas and share info about the area.Also posted will be a calendar of upcoming events)

~ Kristy
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