Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

now he feels he'll never be female enough... help!

Posted by on Feb. 3, 2009 at 1:43 PM
  • 7 Replies
  • 297 Total Views

my husband is M2F transgender. he's on his 3rd month of being back on hormones, and has finally started feeling female again. he's been putting on make-up, and I even saw him wearing his girl clothes again. really, he's just been a lot happier and a lot more comfortable with his body the past week or so, and things were going good, I was happy for him. well, he's been looking for a job, so I suggested a job I thought he would be good at. well, they told him that normally they only hire M2F who can sound female and pass..... that's the one thing that's hardest for him, b/c normally he has a deep voice, and it takes a lot for him to sound really girly (he can sound female with a lower range voice, but not the "girly" high pitched voice.) this has been a really big blow to him, another reminder that he wasn't born the way he feels. I think of him as female, he looks female (even more than I do, he's a really pretty girl!) and before this, he felt and acted female again (he was even complaining he felt like a pregnant chick b/c he had so many cravings from the hormones lol.) I've been trying my best to make him feel better and see how beautiful he is, and how well he passes in public (even before the hormones, he was reffered to as "Ma'am" whenever we were out and about), it's just the phone thing that is hard b/c they can't see him. I dunno what to do anymore to show him that he is a  woman in all matters that count (as far as me, and generally public perception).... any ideas?

Lilypie Breastfeeding Ticker

"The reason I breastfeed: It's the difference between spending $30 a week on dog food or feeding your dog steaks for free."
by on Feb. 3, 2009 at 1:43 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-7):
VioletKitti
by on Feb. 3, 2009 at 10:41 PM

i got no clue... wish i did ~huggz~

 
Cara5
by Group Admin on Feb. 27, 2009 at 1:15 AM

Hang in there.. both of you.  Transition is hard, espically when you have trouble passing in public, just keep being the suportive wife you are things will work out.

Have yall looked into voice coaching?  I know its expensive, so that may be out. :( 


Also, just curious.... Why do you use male pronouns?

 Lauren & Cara MOMS of SIX great kids!!! 

KaiTheInvader
by Group Owner on Feb. 27, 2009 at 2:25 PM


Quoting Cara5:

Hang in there.. both of you.  Transition is hard, espically when you have trouble passing in public, just keep being the suportive wife you are things will work out.

Have yall looked into voice coaching?  I know its expensive, so that may be out. :( 


Also, just curious.... Why do you use male pronouns?

he says he needs to feel more confident in his female-ness before he can start working on his voice (which is weird since he's a musician and doesn't mind people hearing his vocal tracks).

the male pronouns are mostly for our family.... our daughter knows him as "daddy" and he always wants to be reffered as that by her, and my family doesn't know completely about his transition yet (my youngest sister does, and my mom we think has suspicions) and his family is still only warming up to the idea, so I try to stay in the habit of using male pronouns to make them more comfortable. as he transitions more (he's on month 5 since restarting) we're slowly phasing in all female references. (except he will always be his little girl's daddy, that's special to him).

Lilypie Breastfeeding Ticker

"The reason I breastfeed: It's the difference between spending $30 a week on dog food or feeding your dog steaks for free."
happygolatte
by New Member on Apr. 2, 2009 at 2:33 PM

I am glad that you are super about making your partner feel beautiful. I think all women want to feel that way. I think not all women feel sexy...and feminine...at all times because society does not reflect back to us that we are unless we fit into a box of what that means to them. I wonder if your partner knows that many other women feel they don't fit in that box. One of the journeys that i have undergone as a women is to just see beauty in a more flexible way. It seems if your partner is feeling good in make-up and feminine clothes...then they are being their best self and society will not always agree to see your partner in the way they/or you see them. What society reflects back to us is not always healthy. I mean if someone treats someone differently and does not hire someone because they are not a white privelaged person...does it then reflect the need for the person being discriminated against to change? I don't think so...I think that your partner was discriminated against...like many transgender persons trying to find employment...and that sucks.  I think that your  partner desearves to feel beautiful and feminine no matter what their voice sounds like...screw the people who don't accept them as exactly how your partner is at this very moment.  Your partner just needs to know many women don't fit into that specific all feminine box...and that does not make them less of a woman. Good luck and best wishes...I hope this does not offend you...i meant it to be honest...but i can completely understand if you don't agree. Take care

Allie

KaiTheInvader
by Group Owner on Apr. 3, 2009 at 10:12 PM

you've got a good point.... a lot of times I don't feel very sexy or beautiful, or "womanly" enough, even when I'm being told that I am... and I know a lot of born women feel that way too, I should remind him of that. thank you!

Quoting happygolatte:

I am glad that you are super about making your partner feel beautiful. I think all women want to feel that way. I think not all women feel sexy...and feminine...at all times because society does not reflect back to us that we are unless we fit into a box of what that means to them. I wonder if your partner knows that many other women feel they don't fit in that box. One of the journeys that i have undergone as a women is to just see beauty in a more flexible way. It seems if your partner is feeling good in make-up and feminine clothes...then they are being their best self and society will not always agree to see your partner in the way they/or you see them. What society reflects back to us is not always healthy. I mean if someone treats someone differently and does not hire someone because they are not a white privelaged person...does it then reflect the need for the person being discriminated against to change? I don't think so...I think that your partner was discriminated against...like many transgender persons trying to find employment...and that sucks.  I think that your  partner desearves to feel beautiful and feminine no matter what their voice sounds like...screw the people who don't accept them as exactly how your partner is at this very moment.  Your partner just needs to know many women don't fit into that specific all feminine box...and that does not make them less of a woman. Good luck and best wishes...I hope this does not offend you...i meant it to be honest...but i can completely understand if you don't agree. Take care

Allie


Lilypie Breastfeeding Ticker

"The reason I breastfeed: It's the difference between spending $30 a week on dog food or feeding your dog steaks for free."
her_tmother
by New Member on Jan. 22, 2010 at 3:50 AM

Hi I'm a mtf transsexual too. I an curious to know how you all are doing. Please post an update for  us. thank you.

sadchildlessme
by on Feb. 2, 2010 at 5:09 AM

One of my favorite female actors was notoriously deep voiced, Bea Arthur. I asked one of my deeper voiced daughters how they handled the voice issue and she said she just talked slower and softer, using more a head voice until the hormones kicked in and smoothed it more. There are many women who have deep voices, my birth mother was one. Just remind him that the first step in becoming the woman she was meant to be is to first see herself as such. My youngest daughter may not look like a lady yet but she sees herself as one whole heartedly and has a deep but quickly smoothing voice. I am so glad to see someone being supportive of their loved one.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN