Everyone's Little Tips

Replies:

• 
• by
  • Kid_Coach
  on Jun. 9, 2008 at 9:49 AM
• Try to phrase things you DON'T want the child to do in ways that give the child OPTIONS as to what is acceptable.
  
  My dd came into the laundry room *practicing* throwing an acceptably-inside ball up in the air, threatening to knock items off of a shelf (it's a small area).
  
  I asked her to not do that here and she looked at me with a blank stare. 
  
  I then said *how about you take that out there where you'll have more space* and her eyes lit back up and she said *okay* and moved along.
  
  ******
  
  My H has not caught onto this yet...he barks orders much of the time (don't do that; don't do this; stop that, etc.)
  
  I suggested that instead of saying *no running*, try *slow down* or *please walk*.
  
  Not only does it give the girls a direction to go and cause less frustration (the idea of being stopped from doing everything is controlling), it also creates a more positive environment.
  

• 
• by
  • tattooedsuess
  on Jun. 9, 2008 at 10:57 AM
• I LOVE these Lisa!  I sooooo need to take lessons from you!  Can I be your apprentice for a while to learn the tools of your trade?  LOL
  

  Quoting Kid_Coach:
  
  Try to phrase things you DON'T want the child to do in ways that give the child OPTIONS as to what is acceptable.
  
  My dd came into the laundry room *practicing* throwing an acceptably-inside ball up in the air, threatening to knock items off of a shelf (it's a small area).
  
  I asked her to not do that here and she looked at me with a blank stare. 
  
  I then said *how about you take that out there where you'll have more space* and her eyes lit back up and she said *okay* and moved along.
  
  ******
  
  My H has not caught onto this yet...he barks orders much of the time (don't do that; don't do this; stop that, etc.)
  
  I suggested that instead of saying *no running*, try *slow down* or *please walk*.
  
  Not only does it give the girls a direction to go and cause less frustration (the idea of being stopped from doing everything is controlling), it also creates a more positive environment.
  

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• 
• by
  • JoGibson
  on Jun. 9, 2008 at 10:59 AM
• I have a son with ADHD and we use a jelly bean jar method.
  
  I fill the jar with sugar free jelly bellys at the start of each month nd when he does good he gets a jelly bean out of the jar.  When he does bad I remove a jelly bean from the jar.  For some reason the physical jar being there serves as a very good reminder for him.
  
  Also the jar is portable and comes with us when we go to anothers home.

• 
• by
  • NativePhoenix
  on Jun. 10, 2008 at 10:17 AM

• When one of my kids comes to me and says "he/she hit me", I ask them to use their words to tell the sibling how that felt and ask to please stop.  The idea is that eventually they will feel like they can solve that type of problem without running to mom every time.  Also, if they are arguing about what to play or who gets what toy, I have them think of ideas/things that would make them both happy.  Since we're new to this concept, I am helping them brainstorm.  When they start to get the hang of it, I'll still sit with them, but let them think of all the ideas.  Once again, the goal is to teach them problem solving skills.
  
  I can't take credit for the idea since I got it from a good friend of mine.  I will say that her kids are AMAZINGLY calm and respectful.  She really is my role model as far as parenting goes.

  Jillian, Wife to Curtis, Mother to Rhavenn & Breckin, Due May 17

  Change your family's life by creating a healthy home at www.midwestgreenliving.com

  

  

   

   

• 
• by
  • Kid_Coach
  on Jun. 10, 2008 at 11:01 AM
• 
  

  Quoting NativePhoenix:
  
  

  When one of my kids comes to me and says "he/she hit me", I ask them to use their words to tell the sibling how that felt and ask to please stop. The idea is that eventually they will feel like they can solve that type of problem without running to mom every time. Also, if they are arguing about what to play or who gets what toy, I have them think of ideas/things that would make them both happy. Since we're new to this concept, I am helping them brainstorm. When they start to get the hang of it, I'll still sit with them, but let them think of all the ideas. Once again, the goal is to teach them problem solving skills.
  
  I can't take credit for the idea since I got it from a good friend of mine. I will say that her kids are AMAZINGLY calm and respectful. She really is my role model as far as parenting goes.

  Another HUGE benefit of this, too, is that your kids will be come great at problem solving all kinds of other things, too...not just squabbles between themselves.  My girls crack me up sometimes with their ability to think of solutions to things I didn't  even realize was an issue....my almost 6yo is actually better than I am..haha!!
  
  The downside (temporarily) is that at some point they also become expert negotiators.....good thing....but at 4yo when you are saying *no* and she is trying to negotiate a *solution* you may be having to creatively manage your stress  -  LOL!!
  
  But the phase passes when they learn that you do mean business (through patience and consistency) and sometimes what they see is an *issue in need of solution* is just *the way it's going to be this time*.
  
  Great tips everyone!! This is so much fun!!
  

• 
• by
  • lilmommy81
  on Jun. 14, 2008 at 12:40 AM
• wow i think i'm going to start trying that. my kids fight alot and sometimes i just give up, but i don't want to give up, i want them to get along and respect each other. they only seem to listen halfway when they know i'm really ticked off. i don't want it to be that way forever. i want them to be happy children, not kids with built up anger.  great idea.

• 
• by
  • mommyworkathome
  on Oct. 4, 2008 at 9:06 AM

• I love these ideas!  I am horrible at handling when my kids start fighting, I am not blessed with a lot of patience, but I want to learn to be patient!  My best advice, is that I find my kids are more out of control if I give them "free" time where they go and play.  If I have a more structured day with them, and they know where and what we are doing they seem to be a lot better! I think they get bored, if they have long periods of time, where they just have to come up with ideas of what to do!  But at the same time, I want them to be able to have an imagination and play without my help!  It's a very fine balance I think!  LOL

• 
• by
  • miggo5
  on Oct. 7, 2008 at 11:51 PM

• Wonderful ideas.  I try to get the girls to communicate with each other what is bothering them but sometimes get frustrated and pop in to help.  I realize I need to be a backseat driver and let them work it out.

  When the girls do something we don't like we offer them choices.  For example - My oldest twin gets frustrated easily when playing with her dolls trying to dress them.  When she starts to really get agitated I will walk over to her and tell her she can either quiet down and try to dress her doll, ask someone for help or put the doll on the timeout mat and go to the rocking chair to calm down.  Usually she will place the doll down and come back in a little bit and put the outfit on the doll.  This technique has worked well for us on many occasions.  My best friend taught me this technique that she learned and uses with her 8 year old twins.

• 
• by
  • amybushbradley
  on Nov. 14, 2008 at 6:40 AM

• I have lots of techniques I use with my children and suggest for other parents, but I believe if a parent can do one thing that will help them parent creatively, without harm it is to...
  

  Tend to your thoughts and emotions.

  Because our children can feel what we're feeling since we're so close great benefit will be realized and achieved when parents put as much attention on their own thoughts and feelings as the techniques to influence their children.  That can start with simply watching where your thoughts go when you're upset.  Then it can go from there to taking deep breaths and allowing the breath to fill the emotion you are having - to give it life and acceptance - without taking action/reaction.  It's becoming an observer of yourself while feeling down or angry and providing space for change to come in.

  There's a bit more to the story, but it is a start! 
  

  I'm a parenting/life coach and I provide tips through some free email support here as well:

  http://transformationalparenting.com/metamorphosis-moments

  The peace within becomes the harmony without.
  Transformational Parenting
  Stop. Think of Love.

• 
• by
  • vycki9hse
  on Nov. 25, 2008 at 3:39 PM

• 
  

  Quoting amybushbradley:
  
  

  I have lots of techniques I use with my children and suggest for other parents, but I believe if a parent can do one thing that will help them parent creatively, without harm it is to...
  

  Tend to your thoughts and emotions.

  Because our children can feel what we're feeling since we're so close great benefit will be realized and achieved when parents put as much attention on their own thoughts and feelings as the techniques to influence their children.  That can start with simply watching where your thoughts go when you're upset.  Then it can go from there to taking deep breaths and allowing the breath to fill the emotion you are having - to give it life and acceptance - without taking action/reaction.  It's becoming an observer of yourself while feeling down or angry and providing space for change to come in.

  There's a bit more to the story, but it is a start! 
  

  I'm a parenting/life coach and I provide tips through some free email support here as well:

  http://transformationalparenting.com/metamorphosis-moments

  I agree completly Mama! When Im having a "bad" day or Im "stressed" my son picks up quick on that....he tends to get out of control during those times and I have come to realize that he is feeding off of me and the fact that Im not in control in that moment. I have really learned to step back and view life through my kids eyes.
  

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