I'm just over 31 weeks pregnant and nursing my 21 month old. I'd like to AT LEAST get to 2 years with her and I think I've finally got my husband supporting me on that (or at least he defends me to his friends when comments are made about it).
Well, my mother-in-law has watched DD for me 3 times in the past week, one time overnight, another time she had a low-grade fever, and the other day was today. As soon as I come back (or arrive to pick her up, as was the case with the overnight), DD makes it very clear that she wants to nurse...climbs onto my lap saying "Ippy, ippy" and pulling at my shirt. My MIL has started making comments about it, though, and to DD rather than myself. She has said the following to DD: "That's for babies and you're a big girl," "You don't NEED that," "You're too big for that," "Are you a big girl or a baby?" Today she really, really irritated me because she pulled DD's arm back out of my shirt. She has also started telling me about how I'm not going to have any colostrum left for DS (which I've defended myself against by explaining that your body continues to produce colostrum after birth, regardless of nursing while pregnant), that we're going to have jealousy issues if I try nursing both, and that I'm going to have to watch out for DD trying to hit DS while I'm nursing him.
So I'm stuck on what to say to her without sounding like a bitch. I've calmly replied SEVERAL times that I want to get to 2 years and I have no problem nursing her at all. But it's getting ridiculous...I, in NO way, find it acceptable to pull my DD's arm out of my shirt. I don't want to piss her off, but I'm getting really irritated by this. And I'm keeping in mind that I plan on nursing until at least age 2 with DS as well, so I know if I don't deal with this now, I'm going to have issues later.
Bri L.
P.S. MIL only breastfed 1 of her 3 children and that only lasted about 2-3 months depending on the version of the story she gives.
I'm a baby signing, Republican, cloth diapering, extended breastfeeding, fully vaccinating, baby wearing, potty learning, pitbull loving, frugal, opinionated mommy to Claire Anne (2-9-08) and James Garrett (due 1/19/10), and loving wife to my high school sweetheart Richard Garrett.
Owner of New York Buy, Sell, or Trade. Open to all New York state residents.
My mom said those kinds of things too! "You don't need Mom!" "You don't need to nurse." "Big boys don't need booboos." And it drove me mad! Finally, I just said to her "Ya know, Mom, he DOES need me. He's still a baby, he gets to nurse whenever he asks, and that's how we do it. Please support me or at least stop making comments." She now supports me. :)
Does she think that you not nursing will reduce jealousy issues? She's dead wrong. If you try to wean her, she will be trying to hit the baby and will be jealous of you nursing the baby instead of her. If you do NOT wean, then you will have the ability to nurse her WITH the baby which will reduce those kinds of issues because she will know she can nurse and doesn't need to be jealous.
As to her pulling your child's hands out of your shirt, that does go beyond what is acceptable behaviour. You can do it calmly, but do explain to her that your daughter is your child and you will be the one to discipline her in regards to her behaviour to you.
I know that my own family discipline my children and that is fine, but when my children are doing something to me specificially, it should be my responsiblity to respond to that, not someone elses.
I'm sure she thinks she means well and has no idea that she is in fact not saying or doing the right thing. I guess.... you could say to your DD oh, don't worry dear, you can still have ippy, it's ok. right in front of her so that she gets the idea that you will defend this particular action of your daughter even against her comments.
And, whether you have already or not, reinforce to her that you are going to continue to nurse your daughter and ask her to talk to you about it not your daughter if she continues to have a problem because the issue she has is with you and your choices not your daughter and you would really rather she doesn't confuse your daughter with negative comments that you don't approve of.
Perhaps you can point out that will undermine her own authority with your daughter when she makes such comments because maybe your daughter will think she doesn't have to listen to other things that she tells her to do? It made sense in my head when I thought it LOL> :)
Good luck, I am really blessed because even though my Mom doesnt approve I don't think, she doesn't say anything to my daughter. I'm not sure what I would do if she did.
I've tried explaining to her that I've been reading (thanks to you ladies) that it strengthens the bond between the siblings because it's something they can do TOGETHER. To me, if I wean her now just to nurse DS, it's like taking her favorite toy and giving it to her little brother. To me that's going to build resentment. I do understand that it's going to take some patience on both mine and DD's part to get used to having DS nursing as well and doing things on his demand as a newborn.
I've made it very clear to DH about how I feel about other people disciplining our child(ren) and he agrees. There is to be no physical discipline by anyone else (and I place the action of removing DD's arm from my shirt in this category). If I'm sitting right there, it's MY place to repremand (sp?) my child(ren), no one else's. And being that this isn't something I'm interesting in punishing DD for, no one else should be either.
All of the times we've had issues with her making comments, I've ended up nursing DD right then anyways...I think partially to show my MIL that I'm perfectly comfortable with nursing DD still. The comments about weaning started almost a year ago...it's just very recently that they've been aimed directly to my daughter.
I think I'm going to try to say something next time she makes a comment because I don't want to have this issue with DS as he gets older. The more I think about it, the more I think my MIL has never really supported me with BFing. For example, when DD was only a few weeks old and we had just moved in with MIL, I went to lay down for bed early and MIL was going to sit up with DD and then bring her to me when a)she got hungry or b)when MIL went to bed. About 3 hours later I was awoken by my MIL holding my screaming baby. My MIL had the nerve to tell me that DD was hungry and was not interested in the bottle of water MIL had offered her. That was the end of that.
Oh, well. I appreciate your input:-D
Bri L.
Quoting WillDoDa:
Does she think that you not nursing will reduce jealousy issues? She's dead wrong. If you try to wean her, she will be trying to hit the baby and will be jealous of you nursing the baby instead of her. If you do NOT wean, then you will have the ability to nurse her WITH the baby which will reduce those kinds of issues because she will know she can nurse and doesn't need to be jealous.
As to her pulling your child's hands out of your shirt, that does go beyond what is acceptable behaviour. You can do it calmly, but do explain to her that your daughter is your child and you will be the one to discipline her in regards to her behaviour to you.
I know that my own family discipline my children and that is fine, but when my children are doing something to me specificially, it should be my responsiblity to respond to that, not someone elses.
I'm sure she thinks she means well and has no idea that she is in fact not saying or doing the right thing. I guess.... you could say to your DD oh, don't worry dear, you can still have ippy, it's ok. right in front of her so that she gets the idea that you will defend this particular action of your daughter even against her comments.
And, whether you have already or not, reinforce to her that you are going to continue to nurse your daughter and ask her to talk to you about it not your daughter if she continues to have a problem because the issue she has is with you and your choices not your daughter and you would really rather she doesn't confuse your daughter with negative comments that you don't approve of.
Perhaps you can point out that will undermine her own authority with your daughter when she makes such comments because maybe your daughter will think she doesn't have to listen to other things that she tells her to do? It made sense in my head when I thought it LOL> :)
Good luck, I am really blessed because even though my Mom doesnt approve I don't think, she doesn't say anything to my daughter. I'm not sure what I would do if she did.
I'm a baby signing, Republican, cloth diapering, extended breastfeeding, fully vaccinating, baby wearing, potty learning, pitbull loving, frugal, opinionated mommy to Claire Anne (2-9-08) and James Garrett (due 1/19/10), and loving wife to my high school sweetheart Richard Garrett.
Owner of New York Buy, Sell, or Trade. Open to all New York state residents.
Weaning
- lebrbria
on Nov. 19, 2009 at 9:41 PM