Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

another reason why adoption sucks - a tragic end. :(

Posted by on Nov. 12, 2009 at 2:23 AM
  • 6 Replies
  • 370 Total Views

this recently happened to a close friend of mine.  She reunited with her son after 42 years, had only 3 phonecalls with him, and then he got a heart infection and passed away 2 weeks ago.  She was forced to surrender him to adoption, being 17 and having no voice and no choice, and never got to ever see or hug him again.  The adoptive parents would not even let her see him in the hospital or come to his funeral.  This could happen to any of us who are separate from a loved one by adoption -- as we are not "next of kin" anymore.  She was not even allowed to say "goodbye". :(

http://cedartrees.wordpress.com/2009/11/11/adoption-separation-tragedy/

She wrote her own article as well at

http://www.originscanada.org/mothers_adoption_stories/rowena.html

This is another reason why i personally hate adoption.  (Only my own personal opinion.)

by on Nov. 12, 2009 at 2:23 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-6):
THGRIGGS68
by New Member on Nov. 12, 2009 at 8:22 AM

YOU KNOW ,YOU HAVE GOOD AND BAD PEOPLE EVERY WHERE YOU GO. OUR DAUGHTER IS ADOPTED. SHE JUST TURNED 4. WE BROUGHT HER HOME FROM THE HOSPITAL. WE WERE SUPOSE TO HAVE AN OPEN ADOPTION. BUT HER BIRTH PARENTS CHOOSE NOT TO BE IN HER LIFE( AND I DID SAY CHOOSE) WE HAVE OPENED OUR  DOORS AND OUR HEARTS TO THEM . THEY HAVE BEEN INVITED TO EVERY BIRTHDAY PARTY (EVEN THE GRANDPARENTS) TO HER RECITALS, HER DEICATION ANYTHING IMPORTANT. THEY DON'T COME ,THEY DON'T CALL. I FEEL LIKE A CHILD CAN BENEIFIT FROM ALL THE LOVE THEY CAN GET. THOSE PEOPLE WERE SELFISH, BUT THERE ARE MANY, MANY MORE THAT ARE NOT. DON'T THINK BAD OF ADOPTION BECAUSE OF ONE BAD APPLE.

blessedwboysx3
by Bronze Member on Nov. 12, 2009 at 11:05 AM


Quoting THGRIGGS68:

YOU KNOW ,YOU HAVE GOOD AND BAD PEOPLE EVERY WHERE YOU GO. OUR DAUGHTER IS ADOPTED. SHE JUST TURNED 4. WE BROUGHT HER HOME FROM THE HOSPITAL. WE WERE SUPOSE TO HAVE AN OPEN ADOPTION. BUT HER BIRTH PARENTS CHOOSE NOT TO BE IN HER LIFE( AND I DID SAY CHOOSE) WE HAVE OPENED OUR  DOORS AND OUR HEARTS TO THEM . THEY HAVE BEEN INVITED TO EVERY BIRTHDAY PARTY (EVEN THE GRANDPARENTS) TO HER RECITALS, HER DEICATION ANYTHING IMPORTANT. THEY DON'T COME ,THEY DON'T CALL. I FEEL LIKE A CHILD CAN BENEIFIT FROM ALL THE LOVE THEY CAN GET. THOSE PEOPLE WERE SELFISH, BUT THERE ARE MANY, MANY MORE THAT ARE NOT. DON'T THINK BAD OF ADOPTION BECAUSE OF ONE BAD APPLE.

You sound like a very remarkable mother and I wanted to say that I  wish I had choosen you to adopt my son or some one like you, in my circumstance of being unable and unsupported in my situation to raise my son.

I didn't read the article but I have read many other stories of heartbreak. 

I think its important to note that its not just one bad apple but many, reading our stories here can definitely reflect this.  Many have of us have sad and heartbreaking stories of our adoption experiences.

However I don't believe adoption bad because of those uncaring, selfish,scared, confused, uneducated adoptive parents, I find adoption in need of a lot of improvement but mostly these kinds of stories need be heard and brought forward to show there are two sides to every situation and its important not  to dismiss those stories because its not one "bad" apple our stories reflect the consequences of many.  Which is sad.


 

snowwillow
by Member on Nov. 12, 2009 at 2:34 PM

When I found my daughter in 2001, we also found my coworker, now good friends son too. For  a couple of years he wanted nothing to do with her, but eventually he came around and she became very good friends with her sons parents. I was on vacation in July of 2008 when she called to tell me that her son age 34 had died of a heart attack. Fortunately her sons parents were good loving people and she was allowed to help with  planning the funeral. She was so happy when I found him and when he died, she said at least I had a few good years with him.


We never know when someone is going to die. She was so thankful to have those years with him, because at last she knew him. Thank GOD for loving aparents who could see past themselves and allowed her into his life.


Southernroots
by Group Admin on Nov. 12, 2009 at 3:59 PM


Quoting THGRIGGS68:

............. I FEEL LIKE A CHILD CAN BENEIFIT FROM ALL THE LOVE THEY CAN GET. THOSE PEOPLE WERE SELFISH, BUT THERE ARE MANY, MANY MORE THAT ARE NOT. DON'T THINK BAD OF ADOPTION BECAUSE OF ONE BAD APPLE.

I wish more aparents felt as you do about children benefiting from all the love they can get. That is a healthy attitude. Please continue to keep the door open and know that maybe someday your child's birthmom will be ready and able to reconnect with her/your child.

My negative thoughts of adoption are not due to one bad apple, but many. I wish it weren't so, but, I see many adoptions that cause such harm by the way they are handled.

Who could disagree that this story is as sad as they get? How aparents who refuse to allow a birth mom access to her/their son as he is dying and at his funeral can live with themselves is hard to imagine. What troubled people they must be to be so cruel and heartless.

doodlebopfan
by Silver Member on Nov. 15, 2009 at 10:30 AM

That's so sad. Thanks for posting this. A terrible story, but lessons to be learned.

jadalley
by Member on Nov. 21, 2009 at 5:22 PM

Thank you, I think that needed to be said, I am a birth mother and my sons parents were wonderful, adoption is not the enemy here. I can't say it enough. I understand that not all adoption experiences are good but they are not all bad either. There are some wonderful adoptive parents and i just got lucky enough to get them..So thank you..I do however want to extend my condolences to your friend I can't even imagine..My heart and prayers go out to her..

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)