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Posted by on May. 2, 2010 at 11:47 AM
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I am 16 and pregnant..i am looking into adoption..i dont have much support at all..i just told my dad that i am pregnant last week. he is still not talking to me yet...

by on May. 2, 2010 at 11:47 AM
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Replies (1-10):
openadopt
by New Member on May. 2, 2010 at 12:12 PM

You should checkout this website about Open Adoption if you're interested.

www.iheartadoption.org

 

mrstefer
by Member on May. 2, 2010 at 12:30 PM

You will find a lot of support in this group. There are both birthmothers and adoptive mothers in here to answer any questions.

randi1978
by Bronze Member on May. 2, 2010 at 12:45 PM

Remember this: Age and financial status should NEVER determine whether you can keep your child or not.

It has to be your choice.  There is help out there if you want to raise your baby.  State agencies can put you in the right direction.  There is help with medical, food, even housing (though that can require a waiting list).

There is info out there if you want to seek adoption, but it is preferable that you at least wait until after baby is born to make this decision.  Don't jump into it out of fear and what if's.  Try to see if you can raise your baby and if you cannot, then pursue adoption.  You can still work with a potential couple while baby is in your care.  It is not something you have to do prior to birth.

Boofer
by Bronze Member on May. 2, 2010 at 8:51 PM

I am here for you to answer anything I can.  i am a birth mother, my son is turning 21 in June.  My story is on my home page if you are interested. 

Let the shock settle down first and foremost.  No mater what - you have to make a choice for you and your child that you can feel was right, don't let anyone make it for you - either way!  Right now, get that facts. 

There is a book called Mom, Dad, I'm Pregnant by Jayne Schooler.  It might be helpful for you.

Take care.

Lisa

susie703
by on May. 4, 2010 at 9:47 PM

I was only 15 when I had my son and gave him up for adoption.  Only you can decide if that is a choice you want to make.  I chose adoption completely on my own, but it was & always will be the hardest thing I have ever done. 

You owe it to yourself and your baby to research as much as you can and make a fully informed decision.  One that is right for YOU and YOUR BABY, not for your parents, prospective adoptive parents, anyone. 

Here are a few websites to get you started, there are many more.  If you would like to "talk" privately, send me a message. 

If you haven't asked for support from anyone, you may be missing out.  So many moms found out after they gave their baby up that they would have had support from many family members & friends.

Good luck,  Susie

http://www.motherhelp.info/keepingyourchild.htmhttp://www.keepyourbaby.com/

http://cedartrees.wordpress.com/2010/04/16/the-truth-about-teen-parenting/

http://www.growninmyheart.com/adoption-facts-demand-infant-adoption-reformation?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+Growninmyheartcom+%28Grown+in+my+Heart%29&utm_content=Google+Reader

 

Southernroots
by Group Admin on May. 5, 2010 at 1:18 AM

Relinquishing a child to adoption is a life-altering decision that many moms regret. Many people tell young women that raising a child at too young an age will ruin your life. However, I believe that relinquishing a child to adoption often causes lifelong pain for women, and may be more difficult in the long run. You won't be 16 forever.....you might need help for a time. But, losing your child and becoming a birth mom will be forever, and there's no turning back.

If you want to raise your baby and your family refuses to help you, there are many other resources available. Your family may come around too after your baby (and their grandchild) is born (or maybe sooner).

BlessedFamily8
by Member on May. 7, 2010 at 4:59 AM

I am adopted feel free to also ask me anything. I also have a teen daughter who told us in Dec that she was pregnant. And I can tell you with me I couldn't hardly speak to my daughter I was so hurt not by her even but because I love her so much and I was so afraid for her I felt if I spoke I would fall apart I knew that no matter what she choose her life would never be the same. I was afraid if I fell apart it would cause her even more stress. Please give your dad some time and nothing needs to be decided right now its a huge decision one that will take time to make and one that you need to research from every angle. You are on the right path by joining this group there are women from all sides here to offer you what their choice was and how it has effected their life. Ask questions post question and most of all know that you are not alone and people here will help you go through this. Stay strong and let me know if I can help you.

doodlebopfan
by Silver Member on May. 15, 2010 at 1:34 PM

 

Quoting susie703:

I was only 15 when I had my son and gave him up for adoption.  Only you can decide if that is a choice you want to make.  I chose adoption completely on my own, but it was & always will be the hardest thing I have ever done. 

You owe it to yourself and your baby to research as much as you can and make a fully informed decision.  One that is right for YOU and YOUR BABY, not for your parents, prospective adoptive parents, anyone. 

Here are a few websites to get you started, there are many more.  If you would like to "talk" privately, send me a message. 

If you haven't asked for support from anyone, you may be missing out.  So many moms found out after they gave their baby up that they would have had support from many family members & friends.

Good luck,  Susie

http://www.motherhelp.info/keepingyourchild.htmhttp://www.keepyourbaby.com/

http://cedartrees.wordpress.com/2010/04/16/the-truth-about-teen-parenting/

http://www.growninmyheart.com/adoption-facts-demand-infant-adoption-reformation?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+Growninmyheartcom+%28Grown+in+my+Heart%29&utm_content=Google+Reader

 

 I agree with this so much. Please don't make a decision out of fear. You may regret it the rest of your life. Has your dad ever started talking to you yet? I'm assuming that your mom somehow isn't in the picture(?). I don't envy you having to make such a decision at such an early age. Who is your support group? We are here to listen whenever you need to talk. Good luck, sweetie!

Cedartrees4
by Silver Member on May. 15, 2010 at 2:02 PM

Hon, despite what people tell you about "teen parents," many of them are absolutely wonderful and totally competent.  So, please don't think that your age is reason to surrender a baby. I studied young motherhood as part of a human development literature review for my masters degree (in counselling psychology) and young motherhood can be a wonderful opportunity to take control of one's life and go on to achieve great things.  To put this into a broader picture: Our most fertile years are from ages 16 to 27, before age-related infertility starts.  For millenia, women have had their first babies in their late teens.  It is not unusual.  What is different Western society these days.

As you just told your dad about your pregnancy, this means you aren't very far along?  Not being far along in your pregnancy means you are many months away from having to make any decision regarding adoption -- in fact, it is best made once you have recovered from childbirth, so pregnancy hormones and temporary changes to your brain during pregnancy and childbirth don't affect your decision. There is care for your child such that you can recover from birth first while you make your decision.  There are many resources for young mothers. 

Young motherhood will NOT kill your education or career -- in fact one large-scale study found that moms who have babies in their teens were farther ahead 10 years later than a similar group who had postponed childbearing. 10 years later they had not only gone further educationally and financially, but they had spent LESS time on public assistance.  Study after study recently has shown that pregnancy inspires teen moms to mature and strive for success in their education and careers.

Many of the moms here have lost babies to adoption. I was also 16 when i found out I was pregnant.  Losing my son to adoption was the worst experience of my life. I would not wish it on anyone -- the pain never really goes away and it sometimes comes back just as strong as the beginning. .

Cedartrees4
by Silver Member on May. 15, 2010 at 2:04 PM

p.s. you might find this link to be usefl as an article for your dad to read:

http://www.keepyourbaby.com/special_message_for_grandparents.html

He should at least support you in being able to make the decision to decision on adoption once you have recovered from birth. Which means giving you the support you need if you want to keep your baby. Because the simple reality is that if you love your baby, and you are not a child abuser (which i'm sure you aren't), then you should keep your baby. You deserve that right.

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