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ok question

Posted by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 10:20 AM
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is anyone in this group ok with their adoption? i mean all i see is posts talking about how they were lied to n betrayed n how they didnt really want it.

i have comes to terms with mine. did i want him? yes. did i cry? yes. is he better off with his amom then he would have been with me? yes. i hate admitting it but my cousin was more prepared in every way possible than i was. its been 2 yrs n i know i made the right decision.

am i the only one in this group thhat feels that way or r more of u like me?

not trying to bash anyone just wondering.
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by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 10:20 AM
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Replies (1-10):
StarryRain
by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 10:26 AM
I am with you. Really. *hugs*
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ashleigh139
by Member on Aug. 7, 2010 at 1:52 PM

I am "Ok" with my adoption as well. Of course, I wish it didn't have to happen at all, but I know I had no other choice as I would have been homeless with no way to provide for my son (At the time I didn't have a job, nor could I find anyone to hire me). I know I made the best decision I could at the time, and I am happy with the family I chose. His Amom and I are great friends, and the adoption is very open. 

I don't regret the adoption, I just regret the circumstances leading to adoption being my choice.

BeJuicy
by Bronze Member on Aug. 7, 2010 at 1:56 PM
I do not regret my decision. I didn't want to parent and still don't. To me that is the only "ok" reason to choose adoption.

Although after listening to other womens stories here it has really opened my eyes to how cruel and horrible adoption can be. Therefor I
refuse to speak about adoption in a positive light. This group has taught me that even though my experience has been ok that is a very rare thing.

I hope you stick around, you can learn alot from these ladies.


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Candace442
by Member on Aug. 7, 2010 at 2:27 PM
I am okay for the most part with my desicion. I use to not be, but over time I have come to accept it and even began a relationship with my sons amom and adad. And even though it may not be as open as I want, I am happy where he is and I know he is being loved by awesome parents. I guess I'm learning to accept all the bad things about adoption and learn to make things for the better. It's only been a year so hopefully with time and trust my adoption will become more open.
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Southernroots
by Group Admin on Aug. 7, 2010 at 2:49 PM
I think it is important for all of us to remember that we can learn and develop a more realistic view of adoption by hearing all sorts if stories. For those of us with the less rosy views, I think we believe we must go with the majority opinions as far as encouraging or discouraging future relinquishments. And, many of us see too much negative evidence to encourage others to follow in our footsteps.

Sometimes, we may come harsh and judgmental to those with positive experiences. I honestly think we do not mean to judge you, but have concerns about emoms who read your stories and expect the same.

I am happy for those of you for whom adoption has worked out. But, my priority is insuring that emoms who come here see the side of adoption agencies, etc. do not provide.

My son's adoption happened over 40 years ago. That might make some believe I see adoption as it was, and not how it is now. You would sadly mistaken. I know how it was then and now.

I have mostly made peace with my son's adoption and found some resolution due mainly to reunion and lots of hard work. But, I will never accept that what did happen was meant to be or should have happened. Nor can I encourage most women to chose adoption for their children. I am fortunate to have found some peace and resolution, but I know many moms who as not as lucky.

All birth moms are welcome to share their stories here. That is how it should be. This group needs balance and should welcome all birth moms. Be patient and stick around if in the beginning we seem harsh when hearing happy stories!
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BeJuicy
by Bronze Member on Aug. 7, 2010 at 2:55 PM
Southernroots is right. When I first came here I felt a little judged and some of the replies were pretty harsh. But I'm glad I stuck around cause at the end of the day we have all been through the same thing-losing our children to adoption. We all need to be here to support each other regardless of openess, regrets or not

xo Kirsten
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myangelnevaeh
by Member on Aug. 7, 2010 at 3:14 PM
i guess i just feel alone bc i dont regret it one bit. i see how well he is taken care of n the smile on his and my cousin (amom) faces n i just know. i am happy they are both appy. i miss him at times but what i did was out of love. i was 22 at the time n in no way sape or form fit to raise 2 kids (already had a 2 yr old). not everyone may have had as good of an experience as mine but ive opened 50% of the posts on here n only 20% of those gave me a reason to smile. i guess i just want to know if im going to be able to post things in this group that i often feel after seeing my son at family gatherings knowing that none of it has ever been negative....
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BeJuicy
by Bronze Member on Aug. 7, 2010 at 4:28 PM
Of course you can post happy things here too. Most of us love hearing good news or seeing pics. I always post my babys new pics here and I love when others do too.

Most of the talk here is so serious it's always nice to hear about something positive.

I hope you stick around.

message me if you ever need someone to talk too:))

xo Kirsten

I
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summerleigh
by Member on Aug. 7, 2010 at 5:08 PM


Quoting myangelnevaeh:

 i see how well he is taken care of n the smile on his and my cousin (amom) faces n i just know.

Some of us don't get to 'see' anything and that's really hard, but it's a possibility we all face when we sign our rights away.

I'm not even ok with adoption in general terms, but I try to be ok with my own experience. I have a lot of regrets, but nothing can change that now.

frooggieangel
by Member on Aug. 7, 2010 at 5:14 PM

it's been 3 years sence i done my adoption and i'm fine with it

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