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To our new ap's, pap's and adoptee's

Posted by on Nov. 11, 2010 at 10:21 PM
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Welcome to the birthmom group! I have been reading the recent posts and want to remind you that you have come to the birthmom group and need to respect our stories and feelings. We welcome all to come here to listen and learn from our experiences. If you are looking for a group that will talk about how wonderful it is, I suggest you go to an adoption agency board. The stories you will see here are reality from the side which was told to never tell anyone "birthmoms". You will not hear us spout how happy we are that our children were taken.

In reality, the MAJORITY of us were forced, coerced, threatened, etc into signing our children away. Please sit back now and imagine if YOU were the person who had your child kidnapped from you. Imagine how you would feel if the child you now have, was kidnapped and with held from you. Now look at us with compassion. These are not bitter angry women who did not want thier children. We were traumatized beyond what any of you can imagine. We had NO choice. Whether it was from no family or social support to being drugged, physically restrained during birth or just plain lied to by agencies, do not doubt...our children were stolen.

Please mind what you say.



raised mom to 2, first mom to 1

by on Nov. 11, 2010 at 10:21 PM
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Replies (1-10):
by Silver Member on Nov. 11, 2010 at 10:38 PM

Right on!  Thank you!  :)

by Bronze Member on Nov. 11, 2010 at 10:42 PM
:) well said

It really bothers me when people come to this group and say "I don't understand why this group is so negative"

Of course it's negative duh. Not many women enjoy being separated from their baby.

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by Bronze Member on Nov. 11, 2010 at 11:05 PM

Thank you so much for posting this...this is much nicer and better put-considering what I was thinking. I would also like to say that, before anyone puts in their 2 cents on anything, please read through previous posts. Thanks again for posting this!

by Silver Member on Nov. 11, 2010 at 11:08 PM

You're welcome, my sista's!


raised mom to 2, first mom to 1

by Silver Member on Nov. 12, 2010 at 12:32 AM

GOOD JOB!!! better than my thoughts

by Bronze Member on Nov. 12, 2010 at 12:47 AM
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Thank you soo much for saying this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   I think newcomers want to see the joy in adoption... more recent people just want to assume everything is happy hunky dory.....

by Member on Nov. 12, 2010 at 1:04 AM
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I send videos and pictures to my kids biological mom all the time. I am always sad to think the happiest moments in my life are her saddest moments and I never for one second forget the pain she must feel every day to not have her children. In order for me to be their mom someone had to loss a child and that is something that you don't recover from.

by Member on Nov. 12, 2010 at 8:05 AM
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I am an adoptive mom and I ABSOLUTLY 100% AGREE with you!  Which is why we are great friends with our son's FIRST family.  We keep in touch by phone..they come to my house for his birthday parties..they came to his christening.  I know how important it is for him to have them in his life. I would NEVER take that away.  Who am I to take away the people that love him so much.  I will not get into my birthmothers story but I know in my heart she didnt want to do what she did.  And I also know she would have been an amazing mom.  We will be seeing eachother for the holidays..exchanging xmas gifts.  I am so thankful and blessed for our relationship and I wouldnt want it any other way!

by on Nov. 12, 2010 at 8:39 AM

Nothing but respect. Thanks for having me here.I am learning so much by reading the posts ,as an adoptee this is important for me.

Hannah~wink mini

by Silver Member on Nov. 12, 2010 at 8:58 AM
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These ladies have opened my eyes and given me real insight into what our son's birth mom's feelings truly are. Not just what she says out loud, (thank you for loving him and taking good care of him, you are doing a better job than I could do), but the things that she would never say, (I wish I could take it all back, to be his mom, to be in your shoes right now), least of all to me. Why would she say these things to me? Now, she has to be "strong", for her and for him. 

In all honesty, our relationship is off & on because of where she is in her life. But the times that she's in a good place, we've enjoyed reconnecting with her, and hoping to foster a positive relationship for our son's sake. Although we were discouraged from having any contact with her by the state, we want to be as open as possible for his sake. We live in a small town and I wanted us to have a relationship where we could stop and say Hello if we saw each other at the store. Not with me feeling that I have to "duck" so that she doesn't see us/him, or that she has to "duck" so that he doesn't see her, etc. I felt that that would teach him that his adoption was a secret to be kept, something to be ashamed of, or that she was a "bad" person. We DID see her recently at the store, gave her a hug, she asked how he was doing and she took pics of us. He's young still, I don't know what he feels when he sees her, but I am hoping that he'll take his queues from us, and see that we love her.

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