Removal From Group

[sing4jc2]

Hi Ladies:

First of all, I want to thank each and every one of you for being such a vital part of this group.  You are very cherished and valued and your stories are incredible.  I love to see how each of us grows as we interact with eachother here.  Sometimes growth is painful, but it's growth just the same.

I consider myself a very tolerant and patient person, but I am also protective over those I care about.  This group was created with birthmoms in mind...a "safe" place to come to share, listen, learn, fellowship, vent, cry, laugh, and ultimately heal and move forward.  Adoptees, Amoms and PAPs are also welcome, though I ask that you keep the main focus and intent of this group in mind.  I do not advocate the controversy between relinquishment and parenting, although I relinquished and encouraged a mom (just today) to parent.  Nor was this group established to take a stand against adoption.  Birthmoms need to keep that in mind as well.  EVERYONE has their own story, their own set of circumstances and NOBODY can walk in your shoes.  I 100% believe in adoption; I 100% believe in parenting your own child.  I 100% am AGAINST abortion.  That said, regardless of your decision(s) I truly hope you all will find people in this group who accept you as you are and welcome you, allowing you a safe place to meet others who are walking (or have walked) a similar path and be a part of eachother's healing.

Occasionally I have to make the decision to delete somebody from our group.  It breaks my heart to have to do it, but it breaks my heart more to watch as many of you are hurt by others who either don't or won't take the time to understand.  I have done that today and will do it again if necessary.  Many have already been removed from this group due to violations of our group guidelines.  I encourage those reading this to again, please review and abide by our group guidelines.  If you have questions, please ask.

You are welcome to private message me; it may take me a bit to respond (I'm sorry), but I promise to.

You are very special to me and this group...and I pray for each of you as you heal and walk this journey.  It is not an easy one...

My love to you all and thank you for making this such a successful CM group.

Blessings,
Kym
Birthmoms Founder/Owner
Jeremiah 29:11-14
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[Southernroots]

BUMP!

[BeJuicy]

Wow I didn't think she was being that bad to get herself kicked out Lol

[susie703]

I hate to see someone removed from a group also, but in this case it was obvious that she did not have anyone's best interest at heart when posting here; she was not here to give support in any way. 

[Southernroots]

I am thankful that you removed her.  It's something I probably should have done a long time ago. The most important thing for me about this group is that birth moms feel safe and not likely to be attacked here.

In the future, I will not hesitate as I did this time if I think someone is detrimental to the group. I apologize to everyone in the group that she hurt that I did not act sooner.

[Cedartrees4]

Thank you, Kym.  I wish it had not had to come to this.  But I get the feeling that unless one has walked in our shoes, has lost a child to adoption, the possible depth of the trauma that we may feel is just not understandable.  And, also we hear so much from the rest of society, putting us down for having lost a child to adoption (the implication being that we were unfit, or had rightly judged our own selves as unfit), that we often feel that there is no room for this in a place of healing, we don't want to hear those judgements again.  Even an adoptive parent coming here and stating that they showed responsibility in holding off starting a family "until x, y, and z" could imply that we were irresponsible because we had children "before x, y, and z" if worded the wrong way.  Or that those of us who felt that x was personally coercive to us in our own individual experience, when argued with that x does not constitute coercion, may feel our experiences are dismissed/discredited.  Individual experiences differ, and I just wish that there was understanding and less judgement of us.  Do we really have to be constantly "set straight" by those who feel they know better?  :(

[HereWeGoAgain9]

Hi there,
The thing is, it's not that others aren't welcome here, they most certainly are! But what you likely meant as a warn message had a lot of hurtful phrases so many bmoms have come to despise. I think if you stick around & really listen, you'll better understand :-)
I'm not a bmom. I came VERY close to placing my son (now 7 months old) but I didn't. I am an adoptee though & while sometimes I don't hear what I may want to, I've always gained honest & open insight here. I just had to really stop & listen for a little while. I feel totally accepted. I think you could too. But if you re-read your words, once you've been here a little longer, I think you'll understand why they're so hurtful. You meant appreciation & thanks, but sadly it alludes to the non-fact that most all bmoms either a) made a purely informed, non-coerced choice AND/OR that they were not as good as or worthy of their baby as an adoptive couple is or would be. Does that make sense?
Many of the moms here were strapped down, babies stolen from them, held prisoner in maternity homes, threatened, lied to, told they had NO other choice, were promised open adoptions which closed, were told it was temporary & they'd hv their baby back in no time, were told their other children would be permanently taken if they didn't "chose" adoption for their newborn, were told they were not good enough, smart or wealthy enough, that they'd move on & over it etc. So, to thank them for their selfless "gift" is like a knife through the heart, even though I'm certain you didn't think you were saying anything more than what you've heard through an agency & were honestly & genuinely trying to be nice and full of gratitude. Please do stay & listen. Please try to undo the lies you've been told about adoption. Please stay & learn bc one day if you become an adoptive mother, it'll be the very best gift & life investment for your child.
I'm an adoptee. I totally get what THAT side of the triad feels like. I have respect for others like me, bmoms & adoptive parents. I've lived it. I'm 34 years old and found my bmom 4 years ago. (whole other topic there)... Point is, in all my years of life & discussions about adoption etc, it's only been in the last year, by being a member of this group, that I've truly begun to understand adoption.
Thanks for reading. Please do stay.

Quoting tattdmom2prncss:

Quoting purplelibra0006:

Simply saying... this is why its called the " Birthmom" group......

So those of us who would like to better understand and have greater respect for birthmoms arent welcome? You're a mom, I'm a mom, other moms are stil MOMs. Why cant we unite and learn from eachother? No motherhood is the same and I would much rather understand a birthmoms perspective than close my world to them simply because we didnt have the same story.

[kclarsh]

Quoting HereWeGoAgain9:

Hi there,
The thing is, it's not that others aren't welcome here, they most certainly are! But what you likely meant as a warn message had a lot of hurtful phrases so many bmoms have come to despise. I think if you stick around & really listen, you'll better understand :-)
I'm not a bmom. I came VERY close to placing my son (now 7 months old) but I didn't. I am an adoptee though & while sometimes I don't hear what I may want to, I've always gained honest & open insight here. I just had to really stop & listen for a little while. I feel totally accepted. I think you could too. But if you re-read your words, once you've been here a little longer, I think you'll understand why they're so hurtful. You meant appreciation & thanks, but sadly it alludes to the non-fact that most all bmoms either a) made a purely informed, non-coerced choice AND/OR that they were not as good as or worthy of their baby as an adoptive couple is or would be. Does that make sense?
Many of the moms here were strapped down, babies stolen from them, held prisoner in maternity homes, threatened, lied to, told they had NO other choice, were promised open adoptions which closed, were told it was temporary & they'd hv their baby back in no time, were told their other children would be permanently taken if they didn't "chose" adoption for their newborn, were told they were not good enough, smart or wealthy enough, that they'd move on & over it etc. So, to thank them for their selfless "gift" is like a knife through the heart, even though I'm certain you didn't think you were saying anything more than what you've heard through an agency & were honestly & genuinely trying to be nice and full of gratitude. Please do stay & listen. Please try to undo the lies you've been told about adoption. Please stay & learn bc one day if you become an adoptive mother, it'll be the very best gift & life investment for your child.
I'm an adoptee. I totally get what THAT side of the triad feels like. I have respect for others like me, bmoms & adoptive parents. I've lived it. I'm 34 years old and found my bmom 4 years ago. (whole other topic there)... Point is, in all my years of life & discussions about adoption etc, it's only been in the last year, by being a member of this group, that I've truly begun to understand adoption.
Thanks for reading. Please do stay.

Quoting tattdmom2prncss:

 

Quoting purplelibra0006:

Simply saying... this is why its called the " Birthmom" group......

So those of us who would like to better understand and have greater respect for birthmoms arent welcome? You're a mom, I'm a mom, other moms are stil MOMs. Why cant we unite and learn from eachother? No motherhood is the same and I would much rather understand a birthmoms perspective than close my world to them simply because we didnt have the same story.

Wow that was very eloquent :)  Thanks...you are an amazing lady

[sing4jc2]

Well said, HereWeGoAgain9...thank you.

[madisonlandon]

Kym, could you message me privately? And I am still here and staying.

[Musicmom80]

I noticed the most hurtful comments were coming from posts where a mom was considering adoption. And it seems like everytime we share our personal stories, certain members of this group come out of the wood works making statements like, "don't listen to them", or "don't let them talk you out of it" and it just trivializes every single one of our experiences one more time. This is the only place where I can share about my experience, which wasn't typical at all. Out in the world people use me and my daughter as a form of gossip. And I can't handle any more judgement. I know the truth.  I won't have it. I have been able to work through my feelings and then some through this group.