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Did I make the right decision?

Posted by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 6:35 PM
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Well that's what I ask myself. I love my daughter, dont get me wrong I am just constantly stressing. Then I think about that family that I had picked. One was a lawyer and other a doctor. I always think what could have been had I placed Aubrey.
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by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 6:35 PM
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Replies (1-10):
iloveadoption
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 6:57 PM

Why do you question yourself?

vampporcupine
by Silver Member on Jun. 4, 2011 at 7:17 PM

 Future, you are her mommy and a darn good one! I know its tough sometimes to wonder if depriving them of certain material possessions is being "selfish" but it isn't. Remember that adoptees hurt from the loss of thier mommy too. ((hugs)) You have grown leaps and bounds in the short time I have know you here. You can do it! You are strong and will teach those two precious girls to be strong also.

ceejay1
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 7:59 PM

Future, all need be done, is close your eyes for a moment...picture a Mall filled with wonderful PAPS, all have passed 'background checks", ALL have a secure future, a wonderful home.  Now picture yoursef going to the mall and leaving EITHER of your precious angels on a cafe table in the center of the mall, then walking away, never looking back.  Could you do this?  I think not!  I agree with Vamp, on this one, you are an excellent Mommy, the ONLY Mommy your babies need/want, I assure you;)  We all have those days, but at least we have them, with our children safely tucked in at night where we can look at their sleeping angelic features, knowing they are 'our 'miracles...no one elses!  Serenity, sweeheart,CJ~

2jeffsmom
by Bronze Member on Jun. 4, 2011 at 8:44 PM

Your daughter knows her mothers love! What could be more impoirtant than that? I've seen the trail of destruction adopted children deal with, due to regection of their parents.(unintended of course) It's not something I thought would happen to my son. He's an alcoholic, and doesn't like himself very much. His adad was never there for him, like his bdad is now. I hope he can heal some day.

You're doing the right thing! I know it's hard,but it will get easier as she grows.

onethentwins
by Gold Member on Jun. 4, 2011 at 10:48 PM

She doesn't need a doctor and a lawyer to buy her things. She needs you. She's lucky.

urbanroost
by Bronze Member on Jun. 4, 2011 at 10:50 PM

 It's okay to question that.  Ask the adoptees and the birthmoms what could have been had you placed Aubrey.  I know it's hard, and you knew it would be.  You appear to be a good mommy and I hope you feel deep down that you made the right decsion. 

futuremilf831
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 11:12 PM

I have those days, than I look at.these angels and then I smile. Thank you ladies.
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HereWeGoAgain9
by Silver Member on Jun. 4, 2011 at 11:41 PM
I can only speak for myself, but I think it's an entirely "normal" question for someone who almost placed.
I never questioned my love for Avery. I never questioned if he was wanted. But after I brought him home, and as completely in love as I was, it took a while to feel like he was mine.
While trying to convince myself to place him, I went through every thought & emotion possible. I tried to drown the affection & bond I felt to my baby with reasons why he'd be better off elsewhere. I tried to pretend he wasn't mine at all - pretended like I was a surrogate, like he was intended for another. Once he was born, even though I'd already decided to keep him, I couldn't deny our connection. He looked just like the other kids. He looked like me & his father. But I'd planned for all these moments to be shared. While the outcome is the same (I had a baby, brought him home, I'm his mom), the circumstances leading up to that are far different. I didn't spend months picking out names, folding freshly washed tiny baby clothes, rubbing my belly while imagining all the fun things he'd do. I imagined him doing those things & figuring out how I'd cope with hearing about them months later in letters. It's a surreal journey & one you just can't come to grips w unless you've been there.
For 8 months I was in awe of the life within me, but I was crying, broken, fearful, nervous, anxious, pacing my floors, caressing the foreheads of my sleeping children, begging their forgiveness for doing this to them
- being forced to decide that giving their baby brother away was in their best interest, going to OB visits w tears in my eyes, alone. Alone, alone & more alone. You just can't know how it feels... And while Avery will be 9 months old tomorrow & our family IS together, the pregnancy will always haunt me to a degree. It's amazing that given my emotional state my baby was born so calm, so eager to smile at everyone, so mellow & so very happy.
When you have another baby & never considered alternatives, stress is just part of the deal. Life happens, yadda yadda... But when you considered placing those little (or big) stressors are amplified w thoughts of omg, maybe I made the wrong decision?!?!
Somehow I got lucky though. This year has been exponentially easier than last year due to numerous factors.
OP, you made the right decision. I feel it in every fiber of my body. The stress you're going through would still be there but on top of it, you'd be grieving your daughter. One day at a time, sugar. You'll soon look back & realize that in order to fully enjoy the view, you've got to first climb that mountain!!

Sydney xo


Quoting iloveadoption:

Why do you question yourself?


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Southernroots
by Group Admin on Jun. 4, 2011 at 11:52 PM


Quoting futuremilf831:

Well that's what I ask myself. I love my daughter, dont get me wrong I am just constantly stressing. Then I think about that family that I had picked. One was a lawyer and other a doctor. I always think what could have been had I placed Aubrey.

Is there any way that you can reduce your stress? I think all new moms feel stressed out from time to time, but if there if there is some way you can decrease your stress, maybe you will feel better.

You say you think what could have been, right?  Instead of feeling normal feelings of new mother stress, had you placed, you might now be feeling the worst pain ever.  Had you placed, you might have been crying yourself to sleep every night and aching for your baby.

Doctors and lawyers are no better or worse than anyone else.  They usually make good money, but often work very long hours.  I have worked for lawyers for many years, and my ex is a surgeon.  My ex made good money, but, isn't much of a dad. 

Southernroots
by Group Admin on Jun. 4, 2011 at 11:54 PM


Quoting futuremilf831:

I have those days, than I look at.these angels and then I smile. Thank you ladies.

When I look at this photo, I think for certain you made the right decision.  Your angels make me smile too!

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