Stereotypical Labels that are dished out to Birthmoms are given to us for simply control reasons. To detour children from any desire to seek us out in their futures. It used to be thought, that an adopted child will run away from home looking for his or her parents one day. This is why I believe we are given such ugly labels.
It used to be believed, and in many circles it still is, that we were either common whores that slept with anything with 2 legs and made tons of babies, or we were drug addicted and out of control. Many kids were told (like mine was), their birthmoms were prostitutes. My sister even went as far and told my daughter I didn't even know who her father was and that she was a product of one of my Johns.
There is also the one that claims the Mom is severely mentally ill. Some are told their parents are in prison (when they arn't). Some even go as far as telling the child their parents are dead (when they arn't).
Personally, I think this is disgusting. Why do they (adoptive parents and or adoption agency) feel the need to lie like that. I never felt lying to a child gained anything. They only place fear and sometimes hatered in the heart of an impressionable young person. To some degree I deem it as cruel.
What are your thoughts on this matter?
How can we as Birthmoms change this negative stereotypical attitude?
My heart hurts for all the birth moms that have been seen in a negative light or treated with such negativity. Birth Moms to me are amazing women who love their child so much that they make the choice (hopefully it is a choice and not forced or pressured- which makes me sick) to place their child in the arms of another. I don't know how they do it, all I know that as a hopeful adoptive mom I am just thankful they do. I know that when a birth mom comes into our lives I will be forever grateful to her for allowing me the privilege to be a mom. I pray for birth moms all the time; I pray for healing, peace, and change of negative stereotypes. May God bless all the birth moms today and always!
I was raped by my 14 year old boyfriend at 15, and still feel ashamed about putting myself in that situation!
I wrote a letter to my son yesterday,as I do about once a month. You ladies are the only ones that know I wrote yesterday, with tears pouring the whole time. I speak to you of my pain and sadness because you really understand. The rest of the world wants it to be over, and stop talking about it. I got a mothers day card from my son. It was 3 years before that,we communicated! It really hurts, but I don't want my family to see it. They feel helpless to say anything. My friends at work are very kind and sympathetic,but also don't know know what to do, so I don't want to put them in that situation.
I think we're stuck as a group of women, bearing our burdens together, and alone.
Quoting 2jeffsmom:I was raped by my 14 year old boyfriend at 15, and still feel ashamed about putting myself in that situation!
I wrote a letter to my son yesterday,as I do about once a month. You ladies are the only ones that know I wrote yesterday, with tears pouring the whole time. I speak to you of my pain and sadness because you really understand. The rest of the world wants it to be over, and stop talking about it. I got a mothers day card from my son. It was 3 years before that,we communicated! It really hurts, but I don't want my family to see it. They feel helpless to say anything. My friends at work are very kind and sympathetic,but also don't know know what to do, so I don't want to put them in that situation.
I think we're stuck as a group of women, bearing our burdens together, and alone.
I believe that is doesn't have to be this way. If Gay people can gain the right to marry, why the hell can't we gain some sort of societal respect as well? How a bout some rights? Something like being notified if your child is being abused or neglected, or if the home has been proven unworthy that we regain our rights as the parent, or in the case of death to be notified so we can grieve and bury our child. We should be the first ones they go to in cases like these. At leased to ask us if we even want to take over. Do birthmoms have to be cut off at the stub. Can there be some room for redemption?
I also think we should form local support groups. We need to be with those who understand us best. Eachother.
Birthmoms can do more then what they do. Finding each other is the hard part. Then when we find each other, be willing to work through the pain, and stop denying its there.
Food for thought Ladies.
Gina
Quoting GinaPocan:
Stereotypical Labels that are dished out to Birthmoms are given to us for simply control reasons. To detour children from any desire to seek us out in their futures. It used to be thought, that an adopted child will run away from home looking for his or her parents one day. This is why I believe we are given such ugly labels.
It used to be believed, and in many circles it still is, that we were either common whores that slept with anything with 2 legs and made tons of babies, or we were drug addicted and out of control. Many kids were told (like mine was), their birthmoms were prostitutes. My sister even went as far and told my daughter I didn't even know who her father was and that she was a product of one of my Johns.
There is also the one that claims the Mom is severely mentally ill. Some are told their parents are in prison (when they arn't). Some even go as far as telling the child their parents are dead (when they arn't).
Personally, I think this is disgusting. Why do they (adoptive parents and or adoption agency) feel the need to lie like that. I never felt lying to a child gained anything. They only place fear and sometimes hatered in the heart of an impressionable young person. To some degree I deem it as cruel.
What are your thoughts on this matter?
How can we as Birthmoms change this negative stereotypical attitude?
I think the best way we can dispel these myths is by the way we lead our daily lives and show ourselves to the world, which includes this group. By healing and becoming strong women, we can show that birth moms come in all shapes, sizes, socioeconomic groups, etc. and that we do not deserve to be typecast as all the same.
This group should be one in which we birth moms can be honest and vent. But, we are also being seen by many others, and that is important as well. If we can to be viewed as good, decent people worthy of respect, we must act that way. Sometimes our anger and pain gets in the way, but, I think we need to try our best.
I think that having voices now is beginning to make a difference. The internet has finally given us a platform to stand on and be heard. Many still ignore, deny, or try to discredit us ~ but if we stand together our voices are stronger!
Quoting 2jeffsmom:I was raped by my 14 year old boyfriend at 15, and still feel ashamed about putting myself in that situation!
I wrote a letter to my son yesterday,as I do about once a month. You ladies are the only ones that know I wrote yesterday, with tears pouring the whole time. I speak to you of my pain and sadness because you really understand. The rest of the world wants it to be over, and stop talking about it. I got a mothers day card from my son. It was 3 years before that,we communicated! It really hurts, but I don't want my family to see it. They feel helpless to say anything. My friends at work are very kind and sympathetic,but also don't know know what to do, so I don't want to put them in that situation.
I think we're stuck as a group of women, bearing our burdens together, and alone.
I am so sorry for what you have been through. You are right in that we are stuck as a group of women, bearing our burdens together, alone ~ because unless you have actually lived life as a mother who lost a child to adoption you can't begin to imagine what that reality is truly like. I am fortunate to have several wonderful friends/family members I can talk to who sympathize, but when it comes to needing someone who really gets it, only another mom can help.
Sending you big hugs and lots of love jeffsmom!
I don't believe that's the normal evaluation of birth mothers. Many people describe birth mothers as "angels that gave up our kids out of love so they could have a better life."
The truth is somewhere in between, that we're normal human beings.
Quoting onethentwins:I don't believe that's the normal evaluation of birth mothers. Many people describe birth mothers as "angels that gave up our kids out of love so they could have a better life."
The truth is somewhere in between, that we're normal human beings.
I'll be honest with you, I have never heard that before. I'm in no way implying it doesn't. But I been around almost 50 years and I have never heard that said. Ever.
It happens here on CM all the time.
Quoting GinaPocan:
Quoting onethentwins:I don't believe that's the normal evaluation of birth mothers. Many people describe birth mothers as "angels that gave up our kids out of love so they could have a better life."
The truth is somewhere in between, that we're normal human beings.
I'll be honest with you, I have never heard that before. I'm in no way implying it doesn't. But I been around almost 50 years and I have never heard that said. Ever.
Thank you Susie! It's people like you who get me through.
Love right back at you!
Awesome weekend! Update!!!
- GinaPocan
on Jan. 13, 2012 at 7:04 AM