Avery...

[HereWeGoAgain9]

Is 16 months old & the joy of my very existence. Well loved by his siblings, cuddly & adorable, inquisitive & already has a great sense of humor. Mostly though, he's ours. And not one day over the last 16 months have I forgotten how different my photo captions, if any, would be.

Thank you.

[HereWeGoAgain9]

Joy xo

[susie703]

This makes me so unbelievably happy!! Thank you So much for sharing this with us!

[Myrick4pack]

What a handsome little man!

[Southernroots]

Quoting susie703:

This makes me so unbelievably happy!! Thank you So much for sharing this with us!

Me too!  What a cutie pie he is....I'm so glad you shared this with us.

Plus, I am glad he is with you and that you did not become a birth mom.

[Aislin]

 OMG he is so cute. I just wanna snuggle him.

[Vikki77]

Adorable!

[HereWeGoAgain9]

Thanks ladies. Idk why it hits me so hard at times. But when it does, I find myself taken immediately back to 2 years ago (today, actually) when I learned I was pregnant. Okay, lol suddenly today being emotionally charged makes sense. But other days I can't explain it. Is it possible to be profoundly effected simply by *almost* giving my baby away to strangers who I believed he'd prefer to call his parents over me? Does that even make sense? I know I want to be here bc I'm an adoptee. I want to be here bc you all became my friends & a lifeline for me. I want to be here to learn & share & attempt to be here for "you." but I don't deserve to be here. I've not earned the blanket of pain that engulfs a "birthmother" and effects every aspect of her life. Forever. And yet somehow, in a small way, I can identify with you women. I lived trying to force myself to detach from the child I couldn't deny attachment to. I pretended he was never mine. I tried to make believe I was a surrogate & he was no more related to me than someone off the street. But that doesn't work well or easily for adoptees bc we learned early on that blood isn't what makes a family, love does. It's just a peculiar thing really. Do you think it'll ever go away?

[ceejay1]

HWGA, I have silently looked at little Avery now for 2 days, he is so beautiful, so happy, so inquisitive looking....as if he cannot get enough love and attention, absolutely a miracle from GOD:)  Avery , like all other babies make ME KNOW there truly is a higher power.

I want to thank you for posting this, because we have so many of late , who are coming reading, and thinking of becomming 'one of us".  This always breaks my heart:(

In reality, you have explained it best, 'we self detach, pretend our minds are made up, and do not allow ourselves to "feel' the love growing inside."  By doing this, it makes it seem as if it were meant to be...just 'give our heart, our very own newborn...to others more worthy.  Then ,BOOM...it smacks up upside the head.  Hopefully it smacks us in the face BEFORE we actually surrender our child, but sadly, this is not the case.  I am SO SO HAPPY, you found your strength, your heart, your love and wisdom, BEFORE it was too late.  Some of those coming, have NO idea how profound the love of a Mother /Child is, until they meet their babies, and then, sometimes, they feel to much guilt to back out, they have already 'picked" the perfect couple, and cannot go back on the promise, their attachment to these strangers they have chose...or so they THINK!

I am happy you posted, because you my dear sweet little Mommy, have given a "FACE" to our child, of who is growing inside, yet has no reality, no face, therefore making it impossible to fell, love and know...until it is too late.  

Of late, I am so disheartened to read those coming, those who surrendered their child,(even as early as last week), yet still try to 'pretend" , to "deny', and to convince their-self, it was for the best...only to turn around and ask us, "HOW" to now deal with the aftermath, the destruction, of what we are left with.  I JUST DON'T GET IT!!!

I am so happy that Avery's Mommy , KNEW exactly where Avery belonged, and that we do not have to 'prop' her up, offer her hugs, and sadness, with no ways of dealing with it.  YES, you belong, YES, you are allowed those feelings, because what you ALMOST did, can now help those who still have a chance:)  I thank You! 

[drfink]

oh my gosh what a doll !

[drfink]

Oh ya I am so grateful you did not earn the blanket of pain.That makes me so happy that Avery is with you.