my baby girl i placed for adoption turns one tomorrow. i remember that day like it just happened. we do have a open adoption so i get pics all the time wich i am grateful for. this year has been the hardest year ever. not a day goes by that i don't think about my baby girl. the holidays have been hard but i think this may be the hardest yet. but in a way i almost feel numb...
I hope you find a way to honor this birth day, even if you just have a cupcake and silently sing happy birthday.
I agree with susie...maybe even start a journal of some sort,(makes it easier than waiting until they are 25). Honor this day in a very special way, by doing something for YOU:)
When I finally was able to have contact with my twin sons..(last year), I stared the ritual that I have always had with my oldest(32 yrs.old), I text, in their case...call in J.R.'s case, on the EXACT time they were born;)
THAT and I eat chocolate...which is a rare occassion:) Happy Birthday little one:) NUMB,is a very precise way to discribe ones loss of their child...for me (26 yrs in March) it is still very overpowering, and yes, numb, is quite precise! Remarkably, I can remember that day as if it were yesterday...now the following 2 yrs., well they are a "fog". Hugs!
Quoting susie703:
Oh kk... Sending you lots of love and a big cyber hug. Birthdays are the hardest, for me it's the entire birthday month.
I hope you find a way to honor this birth day, even if you just have a cupcake and silently sing happy birthday.
Quoting ceejay1:I agree with susie...maybe even start a journal of some sort,(makes it easier than waiting until they are 25). Honor this day in a very special way, by doing something for YOU:)
When I finally was able to have contact with my twin sons..(last year), I stared the ritual that I have always had with my oldest(32 yrs.old), I text, in their case...call in J.R.'s case, on the EXACT time they were born;)
THAT and I eat chocolate...which is a rare occassion:) Happy Birthday little one:) NUMB,is a very precise way to discribe ones loss of their child...for me (26 yrs in March) it is still very overpowering, and yes, numb, is quite precise! Remarkably, I can remember that day as if it were yesterday...now the following 2 yrs., well they are a "fog". Hugs!
Quoting susie703:
Oh kk... Sending you lots of love and a big cyber hug. Birthdays are the hardest, for me it's the entire birthday month.
I hope you find a way to honor this birth day, even if you just have a cupcake and silently sing happy birthday.
yes,yes,yes,yes,yes,yes,yes...hugs to you
I'm so sorry for you loss and totally get the numb feeling. For me the act of buying a card for my son every year and writing the letter for him made me feel still connected to him and helped me get through.
hugs sister.
Thank you everybody :) i am so glad i found this group. it makes me feel so much better that i can talk and they know how i feel. i do have a great relationship with the aparents, they send me pics all the time and at every dr. appt. they give her new weight and length and such. i am truely grateful for them doing that for me :) i plan to visit her hopefully at the end of the month :) they sent me email on how i gave them the best year of their lives. but i keep thinking on how it was the hardest and toughest year for me... thanks for the huggs everybody i really needed them :)
A poem I wrote for Christopher
- kk1978
on Jan. 31, 2012 at 11:57 PM