How the industry warns expectant moms against people trying to help.

[Cedartrees4]

I found this gem today, at http:// www.unplannedpregnancy.org/content/192-Financial-Hardship-Exploring-Options (copy and paste the URL and take out the spaces - that way there is no trackback).

This, below, is from an adoption industry website, very slickly designed, and trying to even look like it's supporting a woman's right to keep her baby (even when it blatantly uses material that has been shown by research to increase surrender rates.

The industry has obviously noticed that there are many people (like us) who try to help mothers avoid the trauma and  lifelong pain of losing a child to adoption, who try to help give mothers the option of keeping their babies and avoiding being coerced and exploited. 

So, the industry now warn mothers not to trust us, not to listen to us:

"Placing a child for adoption can inspire many different reactions from those around you. Some may offer to relieve you of your financial troubles and cover the expenses of raising the child if you agree not to place. Make sure you are placing for you and what’s best for your baby and not based on what others want. Advice from friends and family is important, but remember you and your baby are the ones who will be most affected by the choice made. Be proud of yourself for thinking of your baby’s needs first. You are making a responsible and mature decision and because of this, you will be able to conquer future obstacles."

Look at the subtle messages here:  If you keep your baby, you aren't putting your child's needs first. If you keep your baby, you aren't doing what's best for your baby.  If you keep your baby,  you aren't making a responsible and mature decision.  The NCFA did a study 4 or so years ago, using "right-brain research" and found that the most persuasive coercive technique is to convince a mother that she is doing what's best for her child, that it is being a "good mother" to willfully abandon her baby for adoption purposes.   Notice that in all this page about parenting, the message about adoption is loud and clear in a paragraph on its own  -- chose it and be selfless, mature, responsible, and a good mother.  :(    Nothing on this page about keeping your baby being any of these things.

If you think the adoption industry doesn't take notice of people like us trying to help mothers avoid being victims of coerced surrenders, think again.

[WsBirthmom]

This industry is so out of control. It just lights a fire in me that just burns hotter everytime I read about their subtle coercive ways. I had another bandage changed on my heart this week....the 15th woman I've spoken to (out of 22 in total), has decided she is going to parent. I will never stop providing information, or looking up resources for women who are brought to me who are considering placing their children. I will fight this industry one family at a time. Thank you for the post. Very informative, and if I may, would like to use this to call out the coercive tactics that are being used here.

[onethentwins]

Quoting Cedartrees4:

If you think the adoption industry doesn't take notice of people like us trying to help mothers avoid being victims of coerced surrenders, think again. 

Right on!

[susie703]

This really pisses me off!  How can people be so heartless as to take our pain and turn it around to their financial benefit?  How many of us need to speak out before we really make a difference?  How many will it take before our pain becomes more important than the desires of pap's, than the big business of adoption.