i put my baby girl(my oldest) up for adoption about 7 years ago. it was spose to be an open adoption till her grandmother(fathers mother) found out, then she protested it in the court and it ended up being a closed adoption. ok well that just something i have to deal with at least till she tuurns 18. i did what was best for her since i was only 18 working a minwage job and her medical needs were to much for me to handle (expecialy since her dad had just died in iraq). but what would you do as a birth mom if you seen your baby in a store. b/c i was at wal-mart and i would have swore that is was her this lil girl was just the right age had blond hair and looked just like my daughters dad and i just got sick to my stomach ran out of walmart and sat there and cried. i just know it was her. how wold you handle it and should i tell her later( if she wants to talk to me when she is 18 +)? also do you belive that a birth mom still would know her baby years later or was this just wishful thinking?
I spent years "seeing" my daughter. I now know it most likely wasn't her because we lived in different countries for the first 9 years of her life. But if you live near her aparents, chances are you could run into her, indeed.
Did you see the aparents with her? Did you know them and recognize them? I do believe it is possible to recognize your child but then again I think we've all heard of the birthmom who spent a few years working alongside her son only to find out by surprise who he was when he started searching for her. Unless you have photos, you may just be seeing features of her face as a baby and/or her dad's in others. Anything is possible, really. I still stare at teenagers who look like my daughter I now have photos of, longing to see her in person someday. I don't know what I would do if I ran into her but I probably would fall apart, as well.
On a side note, I don't know how your daughter's grandmother can live with herself. She lost her son and has done everything to close the door on the only memory of her own child. I'm surprised she was able to intervene 7 years later and suspect aparents may be involved. These agreements are bogus once aparents become the legal guardians of our chidlren and we are stripped of all rights.
Others are more up-to-date on the legal aspect of birth relatives' rights once the adoption has been finalized so I'd be interested to read if that's even possible.
My experience was different from yours in that I had pictures of my son so I knew exactly what he looked like. Whenever I happened to be in his area of town I dreaded accidently running into him or his family because that wasn't how I wanted our reunion to begin. I never did see him or them, but if I had, I'd have done exactly what you did.
her grandmother intervined in the begining i gave her up when she was a few months old because of her medical condition and her grandmother blames me for the death of her son it was another american soldierwho shot hhim point blank range in the face because he refused to go to a bar with the guys when he got home b/c he wanted to see me and meet his daughter for the first time so while they were talking about this sitting in some camp/base over there the other guy shot him but anyway i dont know i guess b/c i do not like in that area but was there seeing friends and the feeling i got in my stomach i just can not let go of the thought that it was her
Quoting Vikki77:
I saw my son when he was 6. I didn't realize it was him until he looked up and I looked in his eyes. Then his a mom turned around. So that left no doubt in my mind. I waited until they got to another aisle and just sat in the floor and cried. I couldn't even walk to leave the store.
Quoting lilmomma642:her grandmother intervined in the begining i gave her up when she was a few months old because of her medical condition and her grandmother blames me for the death of her son it was another american soldierwho shot hhim point blank range in the face because he refused to go to a bar with the guys when he got home b/c he wanted to see me and meet his daughter for the first time so while they were talking about this sitting in some camp/base over there the other guy shot him but anyway i dont know i guess b/c i do not like in that area but was there seeing friends and the feeling i got in my stomach i just can not let go of the thought that it was her
I am SO very sorry...
I am so sorry that the grandmother's meddling caused your adoption to be closed. That is so sad. I only got 1 picture of my son after I placed him for adoption. That was when he was 4 months old. He looks so much like me that I know I would have recognized him if I had run into him. If I had run into him I think I would have just watched him from afar and not said anything to him. I would have burst into tears and collapsed if I had tried to talk to him. I would be afraid that having some woman walk up to him and proceed to have a nervous breakdown would have scared the crap out of him.
I'm so sorry to hear about both of your stories! That's awful how the Grandmother intervene like that and closed the adoption. Also, I would've watched from afar as well. However, I was told both of my children lived across the state when in actuality they lived 10 min from me from ages 5 - 12 and before that just 15 min away. Do you have any idea of what the aparents looked like? Sympathies goes out for the loss of your husband as well - it wasn't your fault at all. (((HUGS)))
Check out these Tasty Treats from The Stir's partners:
Awesome weekend! Update!!!
- lilmomma642
on Feb. 14, 2012 at 12:03 AM