I read this poem on an adoption quote website. Coercion and guilt at it's finest! I am shaking and crying for this birth mother.
This is Love
Kris Kroeker 2005
dedicated to my child's birthmom
I know you love me You loved me from the start I know that you want the best for me I know this because you made a plan for me A plan so I would grow up with my mom and dad A mom and dad you knew would love me as much as you do I know it tore your heart apart to make this plan for me I know it hurt when you put me first I know that you feel the pain of empty arms I know that my pictures are spread across your walls to try and fill the hole
You need to know that I was hurting too I felt the loneliness I felt the emptiness when my new parents held me When you were gone When I couldn't hear your familiar voice I was too little to put it into words, but I cried out for you I wanted YOU to hold me I wanted to hear YOUR voice But it didn't work that way Life gave me hurt and loneliness But you knew that your plan was good And that your love was bigger than the pain It would have been so easy for you to hold me tight and never let me go But you were too strong for that You knew what your love would do You knew the pain would heal You knew I needed my mom and dad And you knew they needed me You knew I would be loved And that when love is shared it grows I know that love I feel it every day Every time my mom picks me up and holds me Every time my dad laughs at some little thing I do When they wake me up to squeeze me in the morning And when they put me down in bed for night I know that I am loved
This is love You died inside when you showed your love You sacrificed your world for me I will always remember what you gave You gave me life You gave me my parents You gave me love
Quoting mykidsmom75067:
"You gave me my parents You gave me love" WTF? It seems to me that this child already had love and a parent (his birth mom) Sounds like this child is just as much a victim of the adoption industry's rhetoric as the birth mom!
Quoting Fab74:It reads like what I received. I also found a note of hers online in which she said she was adopted and "couldn't be happier with her parents now." She was adopted at birth.
I don't mind at all, Vikki.
It hurts like hell. I heard from her for the first time last year and after 8 months of emails and one phone call, nothing since before Christmas. Not even to say thanks for the Christmas package and card my youngest had carefully put together for her. The hurt of it all is now turning into anger. I raise my second daughter to be a grateful person and take other people's feelings into consideration, not just hers. So I am very upset that so little regard has been shown for us and that we are being treated so unfairly.
Having my youngest involved in this reunion has been a curse and a blessing. A blessing because if what I have to do to protect her is to detach myself from this mess and put up those guards again I had let down since we were first contacted last year, it's a no brainer. I was foolish to implicate her believing all the BS we were told. But this will NEVER happen again. I now have to explain to a 7 y.o. why the silence when I don't even know myself. The lack of consideration from the aparents and my own daughter makes me want to hurl.
Live and learn, right?
Quoting Fab74:I don't mind at all, Vikki.
It hurts like hell. I heard from her for the first time last year and after 8 months of emails and one phone call, nothing since before Christmas. Not even to say thanks for the Christmas package and card my youngest had carefully put together for her. The hurt of it all is now turning into anger. I raise my second daughter to be a grateful person and take other people's feelings into consideration, not just hers. So I am very upset that so little regard has been shown for us and that we are being treated so unfairly.
Having my youngest involved in this reunion has been a curse and a blessing. A blessing because if what I have to do to protect her is to detach myself from this mess and put up those guards again I had let down since we were first contacted last year, it's a no brainer. I was foolish to implicate her believing all the BS we were told. But this will NEVER happen again. I now have to explain to a 7 y.o. why the silence when I don't even know myself. The lack of consideration from the aparents and my own daughter makes me want to hurl.
Live and learn, right?
I suspect my daughter's reaction is primarily in an attempt to appease the aparents who may be uneasy with our reconnecting, as previously mentioned by some of the lovely ladies on here. She is after all only 15. I haven't heard from the aparents since they allowed her to contact me, which I always thought was odd. I know if the roles were reversed, I'd want to communicate with the bmom and not just monitor what my daughter is doing, but they seem to have opted for a different approach I can't explain despite my suggesting we speak on the phone or email. They've never acknowledged either suggestion.
I don't want to be mad at her. I think I'm more mad that she's not her mother's daughter, if you will, standing up for what's right no matter who it hurts and telling them off because that's what SHE wants. Yet another dream of mine has been crushed, it seems. ;)
I do resent the fact that they haven't communicated with me at all. I know I shouldn't care what they do or say but, obviously, it does have an effect on my relationship with MY daughter. I used to think they only wanted what was best for her but I was wrong. They say they want what's best for her but they only want what's best for them. They've always only wanted what was best for them. It made them look good to say "go ahead and contact her, we support you", until her dream became a reality and who knows what happened then.
I entrusted my child to them and then was expected to disappear, apparently. I thought our exchanges were going well and the only time I was allowed to talk to her on her bday last year, we had such an amazing conversation. I'm at a loss, quite frankly. I can't explain any of it which drives me insane so it's just easier to put it behind me as I had in the past and continue to pretend all is honkydory.
I often think I will hear back from her but, to be honest, I'm not sure I want to, at times. I'm not like many in here. I can't take all this toying around. It's not right and I don't deserve it, nor does my daughter (who also happens to be 7). I thought of blaming the aparents but I don't want her to think her sister is being raised by selfish morons. I know she'd worry for her. I'm working on telling my little one the truth and how confusing it may be for her big sister without my falling apart as I do so. Breaking her heart is the hardest for me right now. I don't know how to say "sometimes we'll hear from her and sometimes we won't, and we can't ask why or call whenever we want to because they don't want us to".
It doesn't make sense to me so how the heck is it going to make sense to a 7 y.o.?
" I don't know how to say "sometimes we'll hear from her and sometimes we
won't, and we can't ask why or call whenever we want to because they
don't want us to"."
You just say it like that. She will understand. If you need to, you can explain how even some adults (like th people who adopted her) are selfish, possessive, ungrateful, immature, and callous. It shows your 7 yr old that you do not condone this behaviour from them. My children understood when my eldest son's former adopters emotionally abused him in order to force him to not contact us, not visit us. Children learn quickly that not all adults are perfect.
My son also says the best thing I did was give him up for adoption. I don't mind at all. I'd rather hear that than you gave me away you bitch. Although come to think of it he does like to introduce my as his abandoner. LOL I don't mind that either, as long as he talks to me and keep talking to me.
Quoting Vikki77:
Did it bother you? It would devastate me. Do you have a relationship with her? Sorry for the questions. You don't have to answer. I'm just curious.
Quoting Fab74:It reads like what I received. I also found a note of hers online in which she said she was adopted and "couldn't be happier with her parents now." She was adopted at birth.
Awesome weekend! Update!!!
- Vikki77
on Feb. 16, 2012 at 1:32 AM