Quoting MoLLiy:Marie is a very bright girl. Even without anyone telling her she knew that Makayla was her sister. Whenever I get pictures I show them to her and we cry together. She cries about how she misses her baby and doesn't understand why she had to go live with another family. I hate lying to her about it but I dont know how best to tell her. I tell her that Makayla was never ment to live with us. I tell her that I had her for the other family because they couldn't have kids. This is obviously a lie but I dont want her to have the resentment I feel towards my family. I want her to form her own opinions and pass her own judgments if she sees fit.
Could it be that having to live this lie so that you can protect those who have grievously injured you is damaging to not only you but also your daughter? Not feeling able to be honest with her -- doesn't this feel like it has put a 'distance' between the two of you? :(
I agree that she must form her own opinions, and no matter what age she is, she WILL form her own opinions no matter what you say or do. But doesn't she deserve the truth about how you were forced to surrender your baby, even if it does make these people look like something other than saints?
Your anger at those who abused you fully justified, but thinking that you could willing give away any child is of course going to make her feel like you will/could give away her, her brother, or any other child any time things may turn difficult in life. "Kept children" can feel a great sense of insecurity.
I reunited with my oldest son when my daughter was 3 yrs old. Eventually she asked about what happened to him. I told her that he was stolen and it was illegal. She readily accepted that. Children can understand forced and coerced surrender, often far better than they can understand how any mother can willingly give away her own flesh and blood, something that in her mind may threaten the bond she feels with you.
Considering how these people behaved towards you, do they really deserve to be protected, to be unsullied saints while you have to absorb all the blame and produce lies which she may not believe anyway?
SMH. I knew but forgot that you are an adoptee, Molliy. So it was your adoptive family who forced you to surrender your 2nd baby? WHY? Because you were young with a toddler? Living under their roof? Oh, this makes me so upset. I am so sorry that your happy thread has come to this sadness, but so thankful that you are allowing us share in your life. I'm really glad that you are getting to talk about it and your children and hope that you don't regret starting this thread. I hope that you feel supported in it.
I am sorry you can't talk about her.
So glad you have your IRL group I love mine..I wasn't forbidden to talk about him but was just ripped to shreds by the family that knew about him if I did.They made me feel so bad I didn't talk to anyone out of fear of being more rejected.
Please tell us about her anytime.I would love to hear you talk about her when ever you feel,
Quoting Birthmomto3:Molly, I too hid my 2 nd as I had placed my 1 st. It's been 5 yrs and I now talk about her openly. I LOVE to see my families faces when I talk about her. You need to tell your daughter about her. My 4yr old totally understands the situation. Don't be denied to talk about her:)
Connect with CafeMom:
Switch to Mobile Site
Getting Started Guide
Frequently Asked Questions
Part of the CafeMom family of sites
© 2014 CMI Marketing, Inc. All rights reserved.