I know, I know, I haven't made a post in a long time. I have been doing a pretty good job at shoving my pain into the closet and I am glad I have. Every now and then I have a bit seep through and well...here I am posting.
My father is terminally ill. He has had the expiration date stamped to the bottom of his foot more than a few time but he keeps ticking. I have forgiven my father for the most part of his part in my eternal destruction aka my daughters adoption/abduction. He did half-assed apologize to me and he was sincere but followed it up with how she's had a great life and family, etc etc etc....he wouldn't know because he has never met her. That being said, I have yet to meet her again also. BUT the justifications he gave after his attempt to apologize was like a knife searing thru my heart.
Anyways, what I was getting to is that I have refused to go to see my dad for 4 months. I keep having the reoccurring memories of how he never even came to the hospital when my daughter was born. He has never laid eyes on his FIRST grandchild. The kicker is the letter. The letter in my hospital records. This whole thing keeps replaying over and over and over in my mind and won't stop. He sent a letter to the hospital stating "to do whatever is medically necessary for his daughter" this was dated 3 WEEKS before I delivered. He didn't even have the f'ing decency to come to the hospital administration office to give his consent for me while I was there! He didn't have to see me either but he couldn't even bring himself to be in the same building as me because I had shamed him. I am trying to get thru this as I know time is short for him but I just seethe when I think of him right now.